My brother softly told me that he doesn't want to die,
I whispered that I wanted him to live,
Together we cried tears, which were not capable of cleansing our hearts of the pain
In this moment we addressed the elephant filling the room...
Cancer

Got the call before noon.
I can't believe this news.
Jerry, you're gone.
I can't believe this news.
My nephews and sister left all alone.
I can't believe this news.
I can't process.
I can't.
How could this happen?
It is too soon for God to need you.
My sister needs you.
Johann needs you.
Jaben needs you.
I'm so sad.
You're gone.
This has to be a joke.
What a cruel cruel joke.
I need time to process.
I need this to sink in.
I need. I need.

Too much ******,
I had to be your heroine,
But I knew I could never save you.

You were suppressed of all your emotions,
The real ones at least.
Telling me lies all the time,
I couldn't trust you anymore.

When you fall asleep with me, you don't keep me warm.
Just a skinny, little shell of a beautiful body
That I miss so much.

Track marks down your arms,
Like little bits of hell.
I feel them and kiss them while you sleep,
Because I love you, I love you so dearly.
I know one day morning I'll wake up and you won't be there.
A long, long battle you stopped fighting forever ago will finally be lost.
You took your last breath, and I wasn't awake for it,
I was dreaming too deeply that when I awoke, things would be different.

I couldn't be your ******, and I couldn't be your heroine either.

the tears won't stop forming
my heart won't stop hurting
I'm loosing my mind
because I'm loosing you.
my flesh
my blood
my sister.
****** is the kidnapper,
it took the shine out of her eyes
and made her feel "better".
it handed her a needle and spoon
and told her
'I am what you need'
is love not enough to stop the pain from escalating?
were my tears false evidence that I actual care?
this drug took away my blood
my flesh
my sister.
this drug ripped apart our family
our flesh
our Jessica.
and now all we are left with are
our grieving souls
wishing to give her a second chance at life.

He retreats into his home, and
Now his ritual's begun,
He briefly questions his decisions, and
The person he's become.

Now he brings to birth, an orange flame
Beneath a tarnished silver spoon.
His eyes fixate on glints of light,
Which penetrate his living room, and
Flood into his windows, from the
Autumn evening's harvest moon, and

He looks down into the spoon, he
Smiles, and gives a simple nod, and
Now with unremitting reverence, he is
Praying to his God, and begging:

"Sanctify me, rectify me,
"Tranquilize, mesmerize me,
"Pacify me, O' great master, so
"That I might know thy peace, and
"Fill me with intrigue, pon which,
"My famished soul might feast!"

"Won't you please..."

"Light my darkness?
"Stoke my flame?
"Calm my mind and
"Heal my pain?

"Dry my weary,
"Weeping eyes, and
"Grant my heart, to
"Feel again?"

"If only for a moment,
"Let me know that
"I'm still live! and

"Fill me with your beauty,
"That of which, I'm so deprived!"

Now, he draws up with his needle,
The cold steel then tears a hole,
He feels relief, that within seconds,
He will once again be whole.

Back he pulls, as crimson stains the walls
He pushes in, and back he falls,
Into the velvet wonderland, of
Blankets on his bed.

His prayer indeed, was not refused
He feels fulfilled, he is renewed,
Well, at least until tomorrow's
Vicious cycle starts anew.

when I think about the story of you,
a small dimpled child growing up to be a poisoned soul,
i think about the days when your veins were not pumped with sadness and *pain

Lithium, light they write,
Like it’s right, white delight
Striking bright, better tight:
Fine and dandy.

Glamourised in our eyes
The surprise as you rise
****** heroised,
Bitter candy.

Pump the ***, dump the dot
******* it hot, spatter spot
Sing a lot, dream but not
Craving luncheon.

Skagging sweet sweaty meat
Blisters well under heat
Take a seat, come compete,
Beating truncheon.

Vie d’artiste, or at least
Rising yeast, bubbling beast
Trickling triste down your cheeks,
Ever daring.

Rising up, sup the cup,
Acid drop, fizzle pop,
Shoobie-doo-doobie-***,
Death to caring.

Quicker than a speedball
I'm going nowhere fast
Happiness in a spoon
To send me to the moon
Amongst bliss and oblivion
My demons finally rest
& again begins my cycle
The chase that never ends

Going Nowhere Fast

Reality hits
I'm too weak to hit back
I want it all, I need it all
My morals start to bend
& then they start to break
I swear, I'm trying to do my best
Until my next mistake

Going Nowhere Fast

I'm trying to break the cycle
This obsession just won't die
The guilt & shame destroy me
Until I go get high
This stranger residing within me
Won't stop till she gets her fix
She'll never be happy
Till I'm nodding with an itch

Guess I'm Going Nowhere Fast

With one phone call my world fractured,
a short drive to the ER and it had shattered

Im used to tears and the ever present sadness
But nothing feels as devastating
As the moment I lost you

I stared at you, lying there
Your fingers turning blue
I felt your skin grow cold
I kissed your forehead, your cheek,
Your beautiful blue eyes
Hidden behind lids
never opening again
My tears fell onto your face, in your hair,
They soaked part of your hospital gown
I begged for you to wake up
Please, I pleaded
I couldn't believe that I would never
See you smile, hear your laugh, your voice again.

You fell in love with a monster
And he made you believe
He was all you'd ever need,
With a tiny *****, he took you away from me
This monster stole everything you had
Your little girl, your faith, your family,
Until he took the last thing you could give

I think about those last moments
Before he ****** you all the way in
Were you scared? Alone?
Did you see it coming
Or was it quick?

You're on my brain like ******
I gave you chance didn't expect a thing
You got me higher than a kite
The lighter brighter than my future
I got addicted
I needed more of you
My head was scrambled
My only thoughts were of you
They saw what you did to me
So I went through rehab
But it hurt cause I knew you were the best high I'd had
I got desperate held on to you with everything I had
But I knew I didn't get you high
So I forced my self to stop abusing you to try and get the high I wanted so bad because I knew you weren't flying in the same wonderland
I got myself off of you picked up where I left off
I started doing better
My creativity faltered by my logic took hold
Then came a chance for one last hit
Just a goodbye i said
After all I'm over it
I had told you I was done
Just one last hit can't hurt me
I knew there was a chance I might get hooked
But it was to late I set my own trap
Just that one last hit
Got me hooked again
You seem bright again
Kind to me again
But is it because I've recovered for all you know
Or is it because you gave me back your soul
Do you care
Or do you wish I didn't
If I dare ask you this question
Would you drop it
Or finally listen?
You left me with so many scars
But your as bright and as clean as ever before
But that's how it works isn't it?
The ****** doesn't get high
Only its victim.