Where do you find the light
When they have snuffed the flame out of you
I look to others
But the flame is gone in them too
Nobody knows warmth anymore
Where is the light
Is it truly gone

I remember when the sun shone on us all
Perhaps
We are learning to exist in the dark

I used to feel them everywhere-
The spirits.
Felt their watchful eye.
Warnings from a divine animal,
A hello whispered in the breeze,
But now-
Now I feel nothing
Like a part of me is not working.
It is so quiet.
It is so lonely.
I cannot tell
Who has left who.

He fell in love
With the brightest star
In the sky.
The way she glowed
Just for him-
A celestial deity
Shining down on him
As he worshipped at her altar.

She loved him too,
This human.
He made her laugh
With the things he would say.
He made her feel worthy
With the way he worshipped her,
But
The human man was broken.

The brightest star in the sky
Watched the human man
Walk in the shadow of his past trauma-
A constant onyx cloud
Hanging over his head.
The man was beautiful.
The man was so loving.
The man was broken.  

Night by night,
The celestial deity provided light
To the man she loved
Chasing away each shadow as it came.
The light leaving her,
She became dimmer on each night-
Giving pieces of herself
To save the human man from the darkness.

One summer night,
The celestial deity
Looked down upon the man
Who in turn was looking up at the stars.
He was glowing.
The brightest human on earth-
But he did not smile.
He did not show love to his star.  

"Why do you not shine for me?"
He asked.
"I loved you for your beauty,
But now I can barely see you."
The star made an attempt
To respond with a flicker of light,
But it was gone.
She had given it all to him.

When she saw her love
The next night,
He was gazing with a look of awe
Out towards the Eastern sky,
And she watched with despair as
He fell in love
With the brightest star
In the sky.

In the silence,
I find every broken piece of myself
Their sharp edges cut me until I bleed
Forcing me to drop them to the floor-
The pain too much to bear.
Perhaps it is not worth it
To repair the shattered remains of my past.
The pieces on the floor
Taunt me to try again.

The silence here is deafening,
And still I do not whisper for aid.

She gracefully walked into the ocean
Her dress flowing behind her
Welcoming the waves,
It seemed,
As an old friend.
She looked to the horizon-
Smiling,
As she dipped below the surface.

When she disappeared,
Some questioned whether she had drowned,
But no,
The Selkie had simply
Returned to her home
In the depths of the sea.

Tonight I am 26
At a concert
Standing so close to the girl in front of me
I can smell her perfume
And coconut shampoo-
I am swaying with the crowd
And the person next to me
Has an expression of pure joy across her face
Vibrant lights race across the room
Revealing hundreds of people
Who are feeling what I am feeling.
We throw our hands in the air
And allow ourselves to escape reality
For just one night.

Tonight-
I am alive.
We are alive.

I lose
Bits and pieces
Of myself
Every night.

I only realize
Now-
When so much
Is already gone.

Sometimes-
I feel too much.

Sometimes-
I feel nothing at all.

No matter how much love
I put into it-
It still fell apart
In my hands.
Nothing but ashes now.
Is it wishful thinking-
To hope for a phoenix?

I am unsure of where to go.

I was always told
That life would show me the way,
And Frost told me-
To take the road less traveled.
But the roads do not seem clear to me.
Where do I go?
What do I do?
How do I find my way?

I needed to write this poem-
It's what I do when I'm lost,
Trapped by my own mind.
I blame others for my prison,
But it is I who locked the door.

I needed to write this poem-
What happened to who I was?
The freedom, the youth.
I am still very young
But they tell me I should grow up.

I needed to write this poem-
Because I saw how happy I was,
Dancing with my toes in the sand.
I've replaced it with a nice, quiet life.
If only my past and present could collide.

I needed to write this poem-
To remind myself not to put blame.
I am happy.
And there are many forms of happiness.
If only I could taste them all.

I needed to write this poem-
Even if no one knows what it's about.
Because that isn't what matters.
I needed to purge my bad thoughts-
Before they get locked away again.

Welcome to my island.
It is my home-
Where I've separated myself
From those I've known.

Be careful not to drown in the waters,
Or get eaten by the sharks-
Better to stay close to the shore,
Like I've done to protect my heart.

You can build me a boat,
But I cannot promise I'll leave-
I've lived here too long,
Lost out here in the sea.