The air hangs heavy        ❖        Breath rising slowly
Overhead                   From my lungs
Stale smoke mixed                   Fire in my abdomen
With blood and sweat                   Sparked by ethanol
  I pick up parts                 Kindled by stress
      Try to collect                 I'm falling apart
The shattered remnants         Without any  
Of who I was              Connection
Making into mosaic   the fractured pane
         who I am     Reflects me best
I colour greys   Mindache longing
Into the reds     For that (w)hole
I took the pills                I can lose myself
To fit through gaps             In release/escape
I flew so high         As I feel and
The time still laps        And know faith
I've past the line         I see my action
And I can't come back      Fading with grace
     As my choice  is made          
    I hang my head              Walking determined
And embrace the stain       For I know this way
    Everything clear           And I am ready to tread
Sharp, apparent          That familiar pattern
I dwell alone           Of haunting comfort
Inside confinement              And helpless empowerment
I find peace       That comes from walking it
Within the substance                    I know the use better than
        Substantial loss           Others who think they know
Weighs not on thought         What love is, I'll love it
For it brings some light                    To my last
Within my dark                   Because it's who I am
I'm okay        And I'm alright
To burn and rot         I can cleanse or purge myself
      My choice is mine      My freedom, without them I'd be
And I choose               Someone else  
   The drugs ◈ They are me
And I
Am them
All the same
Yet different
I strive to separate
Mix the thoughts
And paint
The dread
Turn into
Beautiful shades
Of something new
Sometimes used
Something I can
Comprehend
Mixed well
The drugs combat
The sense of hate
The sense of pride
The sense of pain
And instills the life
I fly inside
While the flesh
I lay
Grounded
Sky
Soars
Through these mental
Doors which bring me
Away from the pain
And the hurt
And I'll flaunt
My junkiesque hubris
If I want to because
Accepting who I am
Gave me power and
Power gave me control
I could change my burning soul
But I hope my style gets on your ****
Because at least that means
I'm being realistic
Being true to who I am
Living in symbiosis with what compounds
I choose at the time, whatever allows me
To see the vibrancy of the world
Maybe others will see the value
    Through these ◆ viewtiful words.

Dilute the self/Dissolute self
One once whole   Shrinking hold
When half is gone   Losing these parts
The mind can heal       Uncovering old
Thin the lines           Beneath burnished
To fit in full                    Surfaces coated
**** the thoughts                        In blood
To save the soul                       ◊                   Bronze shimmers
Diamond dusted                       The gold glitters
Fake      and      plated
Remove the barrier
Expose the inner
Paint perfect
Etch the silver
Into the horizon
Beauty lies in truth
However tarnished
These coffins can make a home
And the mind can finally flourish
When the self is abandoned in place
Recovering time
To adjust fate
To regulate
Human agency
Turn the Valve
Chance alteration
Unto everything
Awaiting change
Learn to soar
Among uncharted worlds
Where truths surely lurk
Waiting for your foray
Into another-worldly
Domain, venturous
On the plateau, a
Coming-of-age.