she walks in
everyone turns
and gazes in silence
she has power
and wears it exquisitely

His love is
My deviant poison
Spread across
Ocean of stars
Showering wicked desires
Of disobedient delusions
Dancing under the moon

It's a carousel. It's a giant wheel
It goes up and down and all around
It takes me within and it takes me out
I ride. I fly. I soar. I dive
I delve and live deep inside
Into the past. And tomorrow
I am old and I am new
It takes me here. It takes me there
It takes me to your world
It takes me to you.

The t.v. keeps us occupied
while beauty runs out.
In lulls, I trust my surgically
manicured eyebrows to no one but you.
It would be a tragedy
not to pollinate the match,
but there are one too many
spaces under construction of words.
On the bright side we store up karma
before the look on your face reminds me
that the garden is loyal.
We shall move our hydrangeas
into more shade.
Don't you realize I'd say
yes to anything you want?


Sara Fielder © July 2018

He had his tongue in my mouth
I was new to this and went along with it
He layed me down
I thought about my classmate in the front seat
He moved his hands up too high
I didn’t want to cause any drama
He put his hands under my shirt
I silently tried to push them away
He was stronger than me
I kept pushing his hands away
He felt me up anyways
I faked like I didn’t mind, while I smiled, tried to gently push him away,
He stopped and said “please”
I was silent
At one point he also tried to put his hand down my jeans
I pushed back harder than I’d done the first time.
The classmate in the front took a video
I looked like I was enjoying myself
I wasn’t
My friends saw it
I felt sick
People got mad at me for denying that I enjoyed it
I wanted to cry
My best friend didn’t believe me when I told him I was violated
I remembered when he said he’d protect me

Why didn’t you say no?
I was in shock
Why didn’t you get out of the car?
He was on top of me
He said “please” why didn’t you say No?
I was scared of making him mad.
Why didn’t you tell anyone?
I didn’t want them to know
Why didn’t you press charges?
I just wanted the whole thing to go away
Why did you pretend you were enjoying it if you weren’t?
I was scared, in shock, I wasn’t thinking clearly, maybe I thought it was safer than him doing it by force.

Why can’-
I don’t need to answer your questions
I was violated
I don’t care if you agree or not
Please
Stop making me relive it