My mind drifts
away from me
like a song
I cannot catch
and I am open to the
blessing of your kisses
on my feet
Sacred lover
come dance with me
on silk
enter me until
we are one

Who do you vent to when you can't trust anybody?
I feel like I'm constantly growing away from everyone I've ever known.
All my branches moving in different directions,
My leaves change seasons,
But everyone else stays the same.

I feel like I'm shoved into boxes, labeled who I am, what I am, and what I will be.
I feel like I can't tell anyone the truth without being on the edge of losing them, or being told I am wrong, or that I don't fully understand.

I feel like I am underestimated a lot of the time.
Nobody believes that I can do whatever task it is I set out on,
That I am just an ambitious fool,
There's always someone smarter, more proactive, more charming,
Yet, I am trusted to make leading decisions when nobody else can be certain of the next move.

I feel tired of being looked at like I am less,
Whether it be by the tattoos dressing my skin,
My dark lipstick painted mouth,
Or the amount of people who have seen my naked body.

I feel tired of being lied to by everyone I know about small insignificant things.
I feel tired of being out of place everywhere I go.

Setting sun splinters
on Hudson’s frozen currents.
Sea of gold shimmers.

Palisades prop up
wooded banks of New Jersey.
Springtime beckons boats.

Hazy summer heat
thickens air and slows the steps
of earnest hikers.

Autumn leaves rustle--
wind blows downhill ornaments
of gold, red, orange.

This debilitating cynicism leaves me throwing fists,
blindly, unkindly I deliberately hide so that you cant find me.

Unmentionable, the seeking of attention that we require,
and I impede my own desires with a silent fear of fire.

Hold me higher than your loved ones,
mask my bad intentions.
I wish I was as pure as my lustless suggestions.

You try to fall, I’ll hold you back.
I surround  myself with your artifacts.
My mind wanders with a sense of urgency.
I watched you fade away from me.

I discreetly try to imbibe the origins of your resentment.
Above me you reside as I strive for mere acceptance.

Escaping dignity, I ruined the bridges I built,
and bruised by your excuses I melancholicly  wilt,
condemned by a guilt that I can’t abandon, My love  for you is more than a fandom.

I’ve derobed your more times with my eyes than you have with your paws,
Our time together was macabre, Showing all of our flaws.

Wild foaming tops in whitening turbulence,
Racing up beach-ward an ocean unloads.
Boisterous motion bouncing with fervour,
Explosions discharging as froth overflows.

Sea seized with madness starts to spit pebbles,
Sandy **** shaken like rats tails thru' air,
Tumbling excitement as breakers rise restless,
Desperate to fling salty bits from their hair.

Wind force increasing boats wisely harbour,
Diving, brave seagulls dip nearer the waves.
Dark sky showing storm drifting to starboard,
Pewter mist begins mixing cobalt with grays.

Petulant tides on this coast need caution so
Dicing no more with ocean homeward I go.

I'm tired
Worn out
I don't know how much
I have in me to fight

These ten hours days
Sleepless nights
Taking a toll on me
More grey hairs in sight

I'm doing this
Five days a week
No break
Been doing this three weeks straight

Two of the three when I come home
Homework, dinner
Bath and bed
Clothes aren't fitting, getting thinner

I'm just so tired
I need a break
These ten hour days at work
Five days a week
Three weeks and counting straight

I hurt myself again today,
To see if I still feel pain.
The needle tears a hole,
The old familiar sting ,
Try to **** myself again,
But it's just another fail.

What did you become?
My sweetest friend,
Everyone I love, dies and goes away
In the end.

you left me it all,
In our empire of dirt,
you killed yourself, you let me down,
you made me hurt.

I wear this crown of thorns,
my self destruction affair,
Full of broken thoughts,
That I cannot repair.

Beneath the stains of time,
They said that The feelings would disappear,
You are dead and gone,
But I am still right here.

If I could start again with you,
A million miles away,
I would keep you so safe,
I would find a way,
To make sure that you stayed.

Why wasn't I good enough to save you from destruction?
I pray for the rain,
Are you up there?
Do you listen?

They say that if you **** yourself,
You will be sent to hell,
But God, were you an angel,
Beautifully, brokenly, emptily impelled.