I feel strange,
Like I'm empty.
Like I'm grieving,
But you have to have
before you can grieve.

I feel empty.
It's strange,
Irrational really.
I'm grieving what never was;
What never will.

Where did you go?
One moment you were here,
The next, I don't know.
You'd have to be around
for me to know.

Where'd you go?
You don't speak anymore
And I haven't seen you.
Not even in passing;
Not even in my dreams.

Why'd you leave?
I'm sorry if I'm hard to read,
But I don't understand
Why you were here;
Then not.

Like a gust of wind you left.
I've never had much luck
With the burden of Love.
So I thought, maybe this time: yes!
Maybe this time: really.

To confess:
Love makes me sick,
Butterflies are replaced by nausea
And it was hard to let you in.
Did you know that about me?

If you did would you have tried?
Maybe you would have seen
How much I really gave you.
By this time I'm usually gone,
My heart a vagabond on the run.  

I realize how built up I am,
I know I'm hard to love.  
But I built a space for you-
The best I could so soon.
Instead, you left it alone; shut.

There's only so much I could give.
It may not have been much,
But this time I didn't run.
That was a first for me,
And you didn't seem to care.

And so I tried to let it be.
To let you come to me.
It took you ten days
To realize I was missing.
Ten days for you to even speak.

And I know things were short
And I know it was quick,
But really, where did you go?
Because I swore I'd see.
I swore to myself
I'd see if you really wanted me.

So I didn't press.
And as hard as it was,
I didn't instigate.
And do you want to know what you did?
Nothing.

You didn't even try.
And I'm confused,
Because I'm worth trying for.
Sometimes it's hard to believe,
But I know that I am.

So why did you leave?
Because you just disappeared.
I feel so strange, but
Deep inside I knew;
I knew what this would be.

Maybe that's what I get,
For picking the safe choice.
Clearly I was mistaken though,
Because you seemed to ignore me
like the most practiced ******* of all.

But still I hoped that maybe you'd try.
And so here I am,
Sitting in your silence
And your lack of action paralyzes me.
It's shocking, really.

Surprising; How much I can hurt,
Without so much as a single, spoken word-
All the while not really feeling.
I don't know whether to grieve or sigh,
But maybe it's best you didn't try.

Now I know, to you,
I wasn't worth your time.
Ironically, I want to blame myself-
But this time I know,
It's not me; it was you.

Yes, I was scared.
And yes, my stomach turned
At the thought of more- still I tried,
And the fear seemed to subside.
But my heartache did persist.

And now It's back
To tell me how foolish I was,
To mock how alone I am,
And to whisper lies in my ear at night-
Since you left, it's the only closure I get.

I'm not some mistake
That needs brushing under the rug,
I'm not the secret you keep,
And I'm not the back up plan.
Those things I am not.

You sunk my heart
And it now fills with frustration.
Because if you want to leave
Then, ******, say so!
Don't just slip away in the night.

But you did, you just left.
Let yourself get swept
away in the blowing wind and
Now all I see is your ghost.
All I hear is your silence.

Now its all there is between us.  
Maybe you'd be better off
Making love to the wind,
Because it surely wasn't me.

She's a book of poetry
easy to read if you're willing to read
She's so bittersweet to me
always excited,
yet tired at the same time
Will she ever find time?
To breathe..
And get away from the lights

She's so beautiful to me,
the way that Art fills her mind...

Oh Camila, if you're listening to this song
I hope you see that
you have purpose
you're so gorgeous
you're so strong
And I'm just a fangirl,
in a paper world
full of paper towns and hearts...
But your song makes me dance and-
Love Only's my anthem
and we're on our way to the stars... ♥

I've stopped searching
for my missing pieces
Not because I'm whole
but because
I finally
feel
alive

The sun is shining brightly while the last of the leaves fall gently
it makes me feel like breaking out in spontaneous song, all seems calm and right under the light of the autumn sun.

Most people think I'm crazy. I can see it in their eyes. They think I'm dumb for holding on, but they fail to realize, what we have is something special. You can't just lump this in a box, it goes so much deeper than all they know of human love and loss.

They have never felt a love like this, and they probably never will. It takes an ancient soul to comprehend that what we have is real. They say there are others out there, and while it might be true, I've never met another soul that gets me like you do...

I swear this boy does not deserve my poems
He deserves something bigger
His might deserves to be known
He deserves sections in library's

And to be acknowledged by children
They need to be taught about the wars he created by the power in his step
They need to be taught about the chemistry of connection
Of how his atoms captured mine
They need to believe in the magic , the merge of cells that become one
They need to study the science behind love
and then ...
They need to realise that it's not comprehensible it's just magical.

when your child starts speaking like a sage
you're no longer in a fast prisoner's cage
your deed's done; you can be frivolous once again
and spend time on the useless things that tickle you

Sorry I'm such a bad friend
All my efforts to please you
Were never good enough

Sorry that
Every time you needed me
I dropped everything for you

When my heart was broken
I gave the pieces left to you

Sorry that you
Couldn't accept me
No matter what I did
You always put me down

And I'm sorry
It took so long for me
To leave the toxicity
That you caused me

when the telephone rang
at six in the morning
four days before Christmas Eve
   I knew
things were not right

they told me
   my father had died
   at three in the morning
   and would I please come by
   arrange for the burial
   and collect his belongings
at the senior citizens home
where he had spent
the last four years
of his life

they had rested him nicely
he looked at peace
I kissed him on his forehead
   like I always had
   at the end of my visits
and cast a last long look at his figure
   before the body would be taken away

    and suddenly I noticed
       how big his hands were
    they’d never seemed so prominent before

as if in death they sent me a reminder
of how much he had loved his hands
   for work   for play  for sports
   for fight and for survival
   to point and to gesticulate
      they held me as a baby and
         some times
      slapped me as a child
   they repaired toys   split wood
   built sheds   drove cars and motor bikes
   were patient and precise
   caressed and soothed and loved

they were his life
they held his world

my father’s hands