I want her to rise up again
like when she lifted her blue
skirt looking at how brown
I am taking off my shirt
and there are somethings
you learn if you were born
on a farm where I watched
her shadow in the middle
of the night overlooking mine
in the dark where we hid
from the light listening
to the wind, that sad poet
of the unknown pulling back
the dead eyes of those singing
sweet songs in the long night.

Why am I so afraid of being vulnerable?
Of leaving my heart to bare
Because of the pain I may endure?
The love I may not get?
The ridicule?
The confusion?
The awkwardness?
The awkwardness...
The ******* awkwardness.
Or perhaps, it is maybe something else?
Maybe
Maybe the fear that this moment
This perfect moment I hold here
Might be lost if I say
Hey
I like you.

But then again.
Maybe not.

It's dark tonight
And I cannot breathe
The hands of time
Are slowly choking me
Tick Tick
Watch the color
Fade from my face
Tick Tock
Watch my body
Fall through space
Caught inside
These hands of time
Losing my grip
Losing my mind
Tick Tick
Why can't I see
What these hands
Want from me
Tick Tock
I'm fading fast
This life is just a memory
That can never last

Each day I ****, on a Whiskey bottle
As my life, also does **** on me
My worth on earth, about as much
As my **** is, to the sea

Inside this swashing jug, a raging sea
Sets me adrift, atop a cresting wave
Then pulls me under to such depths
That my soul, I can no longer save

With each gulp, I stir the bowels
Arouse the sediment and silt
And as it settles, I hope it hides
Or at least, obscures my gilt

Every mouthful, flays my throat
Like waves, they break into the rocks
Smashing, spraying, then dissipating
Where the Devil stands and mocks

I drink until, my mind goes blank
Then plunge into the floor
At last, a drunken blissful peace
Until I wake, once more

So as I lay here, on this deck
Inebriated, dying in this flask
I think of you and what we had
If forgiveness, I could only ask
BOEMS BY JA 614

One hundred and thirteen days since my last sip.
And it only took me one day to finally jump ship.
No matter how long I'm sober, nor how much I drink.
Will ever allow me the clarity to see the way that you think.
So here's to relapse, and the misery inbound.
Because girl I'll never stop you from runnin' around.

I feel the heat
                 upon my neck
                  sparking fire,
                   just a peck
                     liberated,
                 what the heck
                    kissing lips
                 & moving hips
                  touching me
                with fingertips
                hot and steamy,
                 & very dreamy
                   skin of gold
                smooth & creamy
                  inked in breath
                 & just like death,
                come to take me
                 then forsake me
                  words you utter,
                make me shudder                
                     afterthoughts
                 a coming morning
                   & even though
                 ample warning
                  your way inside,
                   you are horning
                      romancing
                of the coming reaper
                   our feelings go,
                   so much deeper
                       not so much,
                 a peaceful sleeper
                      cannot wait
                    or take a pause
                   surgery needed
                     for the cause
                     releasing me,
                    a lovely clause
                    plunging knife,
                      causing pain
                       cutting out
                      the ugly vein
                      taking hold,
                   a waving mane
                      telling me,
                    familiar songs
                     come inside
                 where you belong
                       even if,
               they think it wrong
                darkened hearts,
                 climbing walls
                  a melancholy
                   southern drawl
                   like a wanting
                    Vodoo doll
                 pounding sound
                 inside your chest
                    Am I cursed
                 or am I blessed?
             buried in a loamy nest
              heart arrhythmia
                   taking start
                 take a blade,
                 remove my heart
                    taking love
                    & pull apart
                  I hold it beating
                     in my hands
                   relieved at last
                   of its demands
                   as shadows fall
                   low in the deep
                   of promises
                   we'll never keep
                    curling toes,
                   as blood it seeps
             colored in cascading red
                 of endless nights
                     that I have bled
              laid at last, telluric bed
                   I'm melting slow
                   into your arms
                     dissolved into
                the haunting charms
                       glad that I,
                  just bit the farm
                        lying in
                   a field of wheat
                    covered by
                  my linen sheets
                    a **** place
                    for us to meet
                     & burning
                 in the guilty heat
                I'll write you here,
                 inside my room
                    skies apart,
                 forgiving gloom
                     push aside
                 impending doom
                 or what dangers
                   wait & loom
                 I wait for death
                    & love
                    ...to bloom

                Cherie Nolan © 2016