Anxiety is preparing yourself to say "here" when the teacher does attendance.
Anxiety is shaking so bad you can barely keep food on a spoon.
Anxiety is being so quiet that even your mind stops for a second.
Anxiety is never texting first because you feel needy.
Anxiety is not being able to walk up to the teacher to hand in a paper.
Anxiety is always sitting in the back of the class so you don't feel eyes know you.
Anxiety is being afraid. All the time. Afraid to love, to smile,  or even to say hello.
Anxiety is only having a few friends because it's hard to talk to people you don't know.
Anxiety is wanting to talk to the cute boy who sits across from you, but you're afraid of him knowing the real you.
Anxiety is finally saying hello

20 times in your head

No longer the Oracle,
Unworshipped now,
I long for the thunder of four feet
An offering; scalped dolly, smashed toy,
SHE did, SHE took, SHE broke
Pudgy legs akimbo, bursting righteous rage
Turns to salty sobs and snot,
Defensive, downcast eyes
Flick up to meet my own.

But you have grown.
Shouting now abruptly quelled,
Transgression negated, a different fear,
but did SHE hear?
Tears transformed to giggles,
The idol is abandoned, rots in reminiscence.
Solace in each other,
The thrill of sister-secrets
And the joy of learning
*not to tell.

I told you I would
leave, but I never
said goodbye
I told you it
would end, but I
never said it'd die
I deleted you out
of my life, but I
never had you blocked
I closed the door
to you, but I
never had it locked