they would be gone by now
either washed away by the rain
blown by the wind or maybe
cleaned off the ground by a passerby

the spill, the 'accident' that
i'm not sure I regret even though
it wasnt really an accident that
left those pills on the sidewalk

13.12.20

a couple ideas entered my mind
some disappeared into the darkness
others drowned in tears

i've been trying to write a poem for 45 minutes but
i really want to die right now
so it's kind of hard.

for me, i've noticed that
life is art and art is life

guess it's not that much of a surprise
that if i try to escape one
the other is lost to me

04.01.20

i see delicate stars
and a wire that could electrocute me

i see shining mountains
and a tree sturdy enough to hang me

i see a beautiful, wonderful world
and the edge of this roof
labelled with an exit sign
pointing downwards

27.04.20

i was lying flat on my back
so i wiped the tears from my ears
because i got all emotional from
telling the stars my tales and fears

after, i crawled to the edge of the roof
i admit, that idea wasn't the best
plus it was too short a fall
so i'd just make more of a mess

instead i flipped onto my stomach
and grabbed my meal and my spoon
i thought, "i can always die tomorrow"
then i had dinner with the moon

27.04.20

i am not afraid of you
sometimes, most times, i want you
or maybe it's the idea of being with you
forever, that draws me in

i am not afraid of you
when my mind wanders, it finds its way to you
briefly, for hours, i fantasize about you
but it doesn't feel as wrong as it should

i am not afraid of you
if we met, everyone i love would resent you
yet, i think about being face to face with you
and feeling comforting desire; satisfaction maybe

maybe im wrong and i dont want you
maybe, if i was touched by you
i'd take back everything i claimed

i am not afraid of you, for now
but maybe i should be.

24.12.19

a feeling worse than
wanting to die
is wanting to live too

because you can't seem
to do either

and you can't seem
to do both

03.05.20