The scent of the lilac bushes
Floats softly in the darkness
The day coming gently to an end
Landing quietly on our senses
This is our sanctuary
A sacred place of rest and restoration
The gardeners quietly transforming
This piece of creation into paradise
The light of the crescent moon
Peaks through the tree branches
The shadow of the gazebo  its mantelpiece
And love holds me and envelopes me
Places its arms around me and kisses me
Hushes my fears and gently strokes my spirit
It was here the foundation was laid
In prayer and faith and promises
So it is only fitting that you are here
In flesh and blood and grace
You name the flowers
And talk of wonderful things
Of adventures yet to come
So how can I not be thankful?
How can I not have hope?
For goodness has come in
Through the door that was opened
And now it is here to stay

There are days
That are turning points
A line crossed
No turning back
Relationships cemented
Friendships born
A choice
A decision
A commitment
Made
Looking back
It is clear
But at the time
All is uncertain
In that fragile
Fault line in time
That decides  the future

You look at me
With windswept eyes
So blue beneath
The brooding skies
Emotions like
The storm front brewing
Flit across your face
Your voice now hueing
Fragile beauty
Rarely seen
The paradox
Of what is/what’s been
It’s in the transition
That we meet
Painted skies
And feelings deep

(After a seven day hike in Pacific Rim National Park, British Columbia)

The wilderness is a beauty
Unforgiving,
She’ll take your breath
You glance deeply
Through the forest
Hear the waves
Crash through and crest
This land has not been conquered
It barely has been tamed
There’s many a spot unspoiled
And many a place unnamed
And life is all around you
The way it’s always been
It’s as if the world’s forgiven
Just this once, all of man’s sins
So you tread carefully on the footpath
You pay attention to each step
Cross canyons and each precipice
Scale the granite cliffs
This place, it is rewarding
For those who are aware
You see life teeming in the ocean
And eagles in the air
You live in the present
Your senses re-attuned
Whatever else is happening
Is suddenly consumed
You get up with the sunrise
Build fires when darkness calls
You pay attention to the tides
And sleep by waterfalls

I am listening to Leonard Cohen
And thinking of you
You know it seems like ages
Since we’ve talked things through
Our thoughts were once so in sync
It’s like we simply knew
Everything the other would say
Almost too good to be true

But it’s glance in the wrong direction
And just a single misstep
And we’re left only with memories
And a hint of regret

This constant need for closeness
This moving of the spheres
The mysterious pull of gravity
Whenever you are near
For we’re hurtling through time and space
Into the black unknown
And we never know whom we’ll meet
Or where our hearts will roam

But it’s glance in the wrong direction
And just a single misstep
And we’re left only with memories
And a hint of regret

So I’ll smile for you once again
And say a little prayer
You led me to a better place
Pulled love out of thin air
Can’t say I had the roadmap
But I was happy for the trip
You taught me to value what I have now
Not the things that I missed

*But it’s glance in the wrong direction
And just a single misstep
And we’re left only with memories
And a hint of regret

May the truth come to you gently
Not stabbing your heart
And bolting you awake at night
There is enough drama
In your life already
It’s hard enough for me
To accept what is
But I know one day
All will be revealed
I wish that day will come to you
Like a sudden panoramic view
Of rolling countryside
That opens up for miles
Before your eyes
With verdant green forests
And fields of long, waving grass
And in the distance
Galloping horses
With chestnut brown manes
The wind blowing softly in the trees
And the clouds scudding along
In silent, graceful procession
The insight granting you
Understanding and acceptance
The means of finding your way back home
The way to healing and peace

Shadows of a different season
The past and present entwined
These emotional memories
Transcending space and time
In the sacredness of this second
In this truly hallowed place
I brush the tears from your eyes
Caress your lovely face
For it’s the sorrow of what has happened
The pain for what can’t be
Can’t turn back the tides of time
Rewrite our history
It catches us unawares
When we’re looking the other way
But the important things will surface
And will always have their say
So it’s in the beauty of this silence -
The healing of this pain
That comes only with divulging
And the world becoming sane
What’s repressed cannot be hidden
These soul splinters that remain
Will only be put to rest
Once they have been named

Tenderness
Is something felt
Like silk and linen
On body svelte
Love is something
In the air
That traces pain
And soothes all care
Peace is something
Deep within
A calming presence
A cooling wind
And joy is more
Than being sound
It’s when your dreams
Have touched the ground

If it’s trust that you want
Close your eyes
Feel my arms
And the brush of my face
If there’s tears to be dried
And fears to be calmed
Feel my touch
And this warm embrace
If there’s shame to be faced
Here’s acceptance
If there’s hurt
Feel the love
I display
If the past
Is tugging at the corners
Look at me
Your concerns to allay

You know it’s more than promise
With the coming of the seasons
You know that summer’s coming
And all that’s good and fair
You know that life brings forward
Growth and new tomorrows
You know that it all happens
Without effort, without care
Yet our plans and our intentions
Are fraught with peril and sorrow
And accidents and death
And things that can’t be planned
We’re not gods of our own destiny
We’re often gazing at the pieces
Sifting through the ashes
Trying to understand
But hope’s a type of promise
Based on faith and feeling
A knowing that these forces
Of nature and of woe
Are shaped beyond our knowledge
Carried forward by a purpose
And sometimes we just know that
Someone’s in control

There’s a cat sized
Indentation
In my clean laundry pile
The guilty one
Scurries out
And I just have to smile
*Ah Peppy Lemieux
You’re such a flirt!
Making a nest
From Canali shirts!

It’s in the hidden glimpses
Of a long forgotten past
It’s in the looks and glances
And the memories that still last
It catches your attention
When you’re trying to turn the page
For there’s a lot to process
And a lot to rearrange
So your emotions now come running
Trying so hard to catch up
But the changes are so fast
They can barely interrupt
And in the flurry of the moment
And a kiss upon the lips
The past now gets distanced
And the pain at once eclipsed
You’re left panting for your senses
You’re left reaching for the door
The future is unfolding
The unknown is now in store
And you knew it had to happen
And you wanted it so bad
But you’re staring in the rear-view
At the world that you once had
The present in abundance
Has come crashing to your shore
And you’re left wondering in the pauses
How much you can absorb
You’re in a different universe
Than where you’ve been before
It’s the start of a journey
And a new world to explore
And your head, it may be reeling
But your heart, it simply sings
As you listen to the echoes
Of the truth and all it means
The way is now confusing
But you decide that you’ll be brave
Because the answer has been given
And your present has been saved

It’s just a dreamy day
The rain is patterning down
The clouds have spread
Their darkening face
All over this busy town
But I’m floating
Above the rooftops
I’m scarcely touching ground
Time passes so luxuriously
Whenever you’re around

We met and we were young again
We touched and our souls smiled
We held each other closely
Then, we decided to live a while

It all passes in the moment
Of being here with you
The setting is your presence
And the flame that burns anew
As we walk through
The darkened streets
I simply don’t see the grey
For the way that I am feeling now
Is brighter than any day

*We met and we were young again
We touched and our souls smiled
We held each other closely
Then, we decided to live a while

Sitting at the edge of the lake
Watching the indescribable
Fluid, glittering diamonds
Cresting on the waves
You’re sitting there beside me
Your love beaming like the sunshine
You turn and you smile at me
As we lock our gaze
We’ve started on a journey
Leaving fear and pain behind us
With only murmurs in the silence
And shadows in the night
They vanish with your presence
And your hand upon my body
As we hold each other tightly
And everything is right

I'm in love with a girl
And she's summer
Indigo, violet and mauve
I'm in a romance
A symphony
Andante, allegro, presto
I'm spinning in passion
A mystery
One in body and soul
I'm on a journey
A destiny
And tears are
Making me whole

The wounds are healing
So deep inside
Rearranging
But still the smile
The colour
And the joy of life
Are holding back
And that’s not right
Now when I hear
The joyful banter
The passion
The spark
And the things
That matter
I pause
And glance around
Once more
And wonder how
It’s all restored
Do you turn a switch?
Do you find the light?
Do you change yourself?
Do you take a wife?
Oh to be intimate
And close
Trusting
At peace
Not to keep
My guard up
And to find
Some release
Just to laugh
And be happy
To sing
And be glad
To feel
The world’s friendly
To have what I had
For l know
There is wonder
In each living breath
And the choice
That you make
Between life
And slow death
But when zeal
Has abated
And hope’s
Beaten down
Life becomes jaded
And you
Wear a frown
It’s the dream
That you’ve lost
And all
That has changed
Your feelings
Revealing
What words
Cannot say
But you do
Care for others
Their tears
Call your name
For you know
We all suffer
When things
Aren’t the same

This sudden spring
Arriving before the gardeners
Have prepared the beds
A profusion of growth
Invading the gardens
With startlingly vivid colours
Before their season
The trees have budded
As if an invisible hand
Has tilted the earth
Just a fraction faster
Than normal
There are no complaints
Of this early spring
The gardens can be raked later...

This sudden emergence
Of what matters most
Love and all it awakens
Feelings forgotten and now relived
Dreams and hopes reborn
It's as if our hearts have now learned
How to love deeper
And with more understanding
And compassion
The other "things"
Will just have to catch up
Things that can be bought or replaced
For that which is irreplaceable
Has made its appearance
And has transformed our world

These hot tears
Coursing down my cheeks
It's like I can finally breathe again
This feeling of relief
To feel the answer closer
Than any vision or any dream
To find a home and safe harbour
And to heal of what has been
A place where I can lay my head
And finally be at peace
To love and to be loved
To be accepted for being me

It's in these silent moments
That what's pent up
Gets released
Like tears on your pillow
Words flow from
Somewhere deep
Emotions flit
Right through you
Not stopping on their way
And you're left gazing
At beauty
As you flip from page to page
Decisions and deep burdens
Lazy thoughts in their own lairs
Truth shining on the places
Where you realize
That you erred
It wasn't the intention
It wasn't what you planned
It's just you missed the signals
And you didn't understand

Beauty is snow
Falling gently
Like emeralds
In the sunshine…

Rolling hills in
Summer
Decked in green
As far as the eyes
Can see…

The ocean glittering
Like diamonds
Under the hot
Summer sun…

And beauty is you
In all your being
So full of that elusive thing
Called love

Just listen to my heart
It beats so constant
Just feel my breath
It whispers your name
Just look into my eyes
They glisten when they meet yours
Just touch my lips
And they will blaze
Just hold my body
It trembles at the thought of you
Just grasp my hand
And I'll walk your way
Just stand beside me
And I'll show you the future
Just love me
And I'll give you today

They say that love’s blind
And there’s always a rush
You forget what is obvious
It’s lost in the buzz
But deep in your conscience
An alarm softly sounds
That you quickly ignore
As your heart leaps in bounds
Your friends they all warn you
And you say What’s the fuss?
Then you look the wrong way
And get hit by a bus

Can I be your silent friend?
I’ll just gaze at you
As you read my face
And wait for me to say the words
You can take me off the shelf
And flip the page
It’s up to you
And then
I’ll just smile and beam
At your beauty
As your mind races
Through my thoughts

The end has come
It’s hard to admit
The feelings confuse
And thoughts contradict
You open your being
You learn to restore
You grow in love
Yet you close the door
So your own well being
Is battered about
As you struggle with pain
And loss and self doubt
For you cannot go
Where you once went before
The season has changed
It’s not the same anymore
When you lose your vision
And let go of your dream
You’re in a free fall
Your soul simply screams
You search for new meaning
And you’re cast adrift
And you go to a place
Where you simply don’t fit
Can’t find your way home
Don’t know what’s in store
For you’ve turned out the lights
And you’ve closed that last door

Ah my love
What you were seeking eluded you
It flew away and scattered
Like leaves in the wind
Like ashes from a fire
What you asked for
You did not receive
But it passed by you and went to another
All that pain turned to hatred
And anger burning so deep within
What you held became broken
What was sacred, defiled
What was precious, squandered
What you found, lost
How sad, how tragic
How could this be!
What you were looking for
Was right before your eyes
And you could not see it
Yet the one
Whom you blamed and condemned
Was blessed
He found what he didn’t seek
He was given what he did not ask for
Kindness replaced hatred
And love burning holy and pure
Covered the ugliness of that day
Goodness visited like a friend
And in the most terrible of times
Thankfulness and gratitude appeared
And faith burning like a beacon
In the darkness
Encouragement and hope
Whispered constantly in his ear
And all the curses fell harmlessly away
Soundness of mind and health
True happiness and integrity
Were discovered
And everyone around was touched
And felt the difference
Insight and wisdom
Compassion and the gift of tears for others
Treasure after treasure
Riches after riches
When brokenness and poverty of spirit
Might have seemed the natural end
How does this work?
When good news comes out of evil
And victory out of defeat
And life conquers death?

Ah Dorothy
Lost in the Land of Oz
Looking for your way home
All alone
But this time
You can’t just close your eyes
And click your heels and say
There’s no place like home
And find yourself there
But your friends are glad you are here
The scarecrow and the lion
Looking for brains
And the courage to roar
They say there’s a wizard
In that Emerald City
But what if it’s not up to him
But up to us
To connect
To find wisdom
And to be brave?
But I like this journey so far
And this lion for one
Promises to protect you
From all those flying monkeys
With those big
Racoon eyes

I saw a garden
Mangled
By neglect and theft
The gardener
Absent
And the most
Beautiful bed
The jewel
And crowning glory
Withered
And destroyed
And I thought...
Our lives
Are like that
Ruined
In carelessness
Or by intent
And when
The damage
Is done
There is only lament
For a stolen rose

So close
I can almost hear your breath
Feel your pulse
And the slightest whisper
So close
I almost resonate
Synchronized
Thought upon thought
Hope upon hope
Prayer upon prayer
So close
Yet that is why I always let you go
For this orbit
Almost surely is not of man
But of God
Who else could bring you
So close?

This emotional dependence
Wanting your mommy
Clinging to her skirt
******* your thumb
...ancient child
Missing your father
Who disappeared
Without a trace
Blaming yourself
...innocent child
This emptiness inside
That lifts with the company of friends
Laughter, music, smiles
...lonely child
This needing
This wanting of someone else
To be understood
And loved
...eternal child
Yet there comes a time to let go
To feel the sun warm your soul
As the wind sings in the trees
And the waves lap in melody on the shore
To feel the warmth of a body
And a kiss
To give and give again
To let go of childhood complaints
To hug the child
To wipe his tears
And say
Be strong little one
Let me see that happy face
Doesn’t that feel better?
The crying stops
The face beams
And the child
Runs away
To play

Integrity is the value
You place on yourself
You keep your own promises
You know yourself well
You don’t compromise
Your values, your core
Because that never changes
From what went before
Then you can be open  
And give your support
Be flexible
Life just can’t distort
Or toss you around
By what others think
You’ll see opportunities
Not pull back from the brink
You’ll try those new things
With a principled life
In confidence
Not on whim
You’ll always decide
You’ll plan your direction
And not just react
You know who you are
And you have the map
You prepare your own future
On the screen of your mind
Long before it happens
It’s already designed
No matter how adverse
Or how dark the hour
Your hope burns within
And gives you new power
You pick yourself up
Rejoicing in faith
Energizing your life
And fulfilling your days

How I wish
The grip of sadness
Could be released
And I could feel
Joy and gladness
And hear laughter again
I have no peace
No healing
And even the very best
Of things
Do not take away
The pain
You talk as if
I never loved you
But my suffering
Is your answer
So I pay
For sins I did not commit
Well sadness
Mark this moment
When what is honourable
Is lost
And what is precious
Is scattered
When what is broken
Cannot be fixed
And what is torn apart
Cannot be mended
Yes sorrow
Do your work
And then let me go

Sometimes the facts
Just hit you in the face
And all is silent
Even the accusations
Of your detractors
As in horror
You realize the truth
The sobering, humbling
Honest-to-goodness truth
It kinds of stuns
And sickens you
For awhile
As you realize
The advice
Was not an attack
But an observation
Of behaviours
Of which you were not aware
You see
You chose to smash the mirror
That portrayed
Such an unflattering image
It never occurred to you
That they
Whoever they were
Were right

This sickness
Of dwelling in the past
Of not letting go
Of refusing
To accept change
And embrace the wonder
Of the present
Is not what God intended
For decay and ruin
Are the fruits of this neglect
And distance and isolation
Follow closely
Memories of what was
Are not meant
To be a prison
But a source of joy
And the sadness
Of the passing
Of what was good
Is not meant
To weigh us down
There is something wrong
If we idealize the past
Because it was
Just as full
Of fear and evil
As the present
We’ve only chosen
To let this be forgotten
These selective memories
Do not serve us well
If we **** the present
For a past that did not exist

Once the story is out
Judgment is cast
And truth lies buried
In the distant past
The world shifts
And angels weep
History’s rewritten
In pain so deep
It doesn’t matter
If one fine day
All is revealed
A price has been paid
The damage is done
And it just becomes
A test of character
And that battle won
So hold up your head
Til the evil’s exposed
Especially the lies
Under everyone’s nose
Look in the mirror
And simply realize
Your life’s not controlled
By the how and the why
But what you think
Of yourself...
That’s the greatest trust
Given to you
Til you turn to dust

You must will to act
In determination
In calm decision
And contemplation
Break free of the inertia
Of dread, fear and need
Let go and embrace
What needs to be
Taste life in its newness
By bounty kissed
Caressed by grace
Not plagued
By what’s missed

For it’s a choice to release
That which has died
The fact that its haunts you
You cannot deny
But you can’t love a ghost
Your soul needs much more
Than memories and longings
Of what went before
For a ghost is a phantom
And you give it sway
And its haunting will scare
The present away

I cannot heal
This pain keeps stinging
As each line of thought
Reveals new truths
That are hard to accept
Kindness was repaid with anger
Love with rejection
Faithfulness with betrayal
Devotion with abandonment
Gentleness with rage
Dedication with neglect
Patience with intolerance
Thoughtfulness with disregard
Compassion with coldness
Mercy with judgment
Saneness with unsoundness
Truth and honesty with lies
Open arms and acceptance with bitterness
So why do I feel guilt and sadness
For crimes I did not commit?
Why am I taking the blame for a lie?
To be falsely accused is a worse sentence
Than to be justly condemned
At least the guilty can repent and start a new life
Rather than stay mired in a web of lies
One can learn to accept criticism and move on
Or to laugh at oneself
And in humility make the necessary changes
But this... this slander
Is simply poison
To the soul

I walked where life
Has stronger roots
Where beauty blooms
And silence moot
Guards the sentinels
Brooding strong
Away from the din
And the noisy throng
I’ve scanned the heavens
I’ve searched the skies
I’ve listened to counsel
Strong and wise
I’ve risen at
The light of morn
And climbed the slopes
Where clouds are born

I once had a beautiful girl
The heads would turn
As she smiled
The room brightened
And you knew
There were few
Who could match her style

There was life
And there was joy
And I cherished her in pride
And she had it
When she was there
That was something
You could not deny

There was energy
And there was spark
And you were excited
By the sight
Her presence
Filled all your view
And you could not
Turn your eyes

I once had a beautiful girl
And she completed my life
And even now
It's hard to explain
The feelings I felt inside

Lost in translation
Frozen in flight
Ah…just to hear my breath
And close my eyes
For it’s all confusion
Until I stop
And a chance happening
Helps me to solve
To confirm what I’ve felt
Though my thoughts
Still scream out
But the answer’s
A whisper
And never a shout
That I hear at first light
As my spirit returns
And my inner thoughts speak
And I just have to learn
To honour these instincts
From deep places grown
And live the reality
That I’ve always known
So I hear myself breathing
As I close my eyes
And forget for an instant
My world of lies

Love is like a fire
It simply can’t burn cold
If you tell me I’m a liar
Let me tell you
I’ve been told
Not by the words
You’ve spoken
But by what
You’ve done
Before the God
Of heaven
Who sees all
Beneath the sun
But who am I
To blame you?
There’s no heartache
And no pain
No problems
To work through
Just a world
A bit more sane

Ah!
Play the fool and jester
And say aside what’s true
It’s not that you detest her
It’s just you can’t be you
And if you plainly tell her
She won’t believe a word
Even though you give the answer
It simply won’t be heard

It’s no illusion
You’re lying there
In peaceful rest
And pillowed hair
I swear the days
Have not gone by
By the way you look
And the way you lie
So calmly now
As in a dream
The world is how
It used to be
But you awake
And it’s not the same
Our lives are skewed
And rearranged
The furniture stacked
And waiting to go
Leaving emptiness
And a gaping hole
The songs, the smiles
And laughter’s glow
No longer echo
In our home

Forgiveness
Is to our own benefit
For pain and
Bitterness
Will slowly
**** us inside
If we do not let go

It does not mean
All is right
Or all the pieces
Fit back
Together again

But is does mean
We are well
We are whole
And we are healed

For mercy is a kind friend
To all

I remember
The first second
I saw you
The shock
Of recognition
Now what?
I thought
In anticipation
For you see
The vision
Did not lie
It’s not
The appearance
That’s the window
It’s the feeling
That’s inside
And since
That first day
How I have felt
Has never changed
So I know
I’m not mad
Delusional
Deranged
It’s happened
As they all do
These journeys
Beyond time and space
I’m terrified
I bolt awake
Heart pounding
Dismayed

It’s the love
Behind the words
That you would like to hear
The respect
The pride
The acknowledgment
That will calm your fears
Behind the good intentions
You’re searching for a sign
You’re looking for a message
You can read between the lines
And the failure to communicate
When it’s an absolute must
Is a death blow
To that fragile thing
The emotion we call
Trust

Waiting for a missing moment
Rushing to the final end
Speaking in those silent pauses
Having thoughts that seem to bend
The present hour now is passing
I cannot find the words to say
Alone again I feel the darkness
Pushing back the light of day
Is it in the things familiar?
Oh so close and out of reach
Whispered, felt and not imagined
There amid the prospects bleak?
These acts of kindness now are reaching
Grasping hold of my feet
I look away from the brilliance
As my soul slowly bleeds

Would you fly with me
To an unknown world?
Would you act upon
The moment unfurled?
Jump without a safety net?
Take the risk
Not hedge your bets?
It’s tempting to think
It’s all the same
Whether you follow the rules
Or invent the game
Act on the courage
Of who you are
Pursue your destiny
Follow your star
But it’s best to put on
Your thinking hat
And ask if it’s real
Or if you’re just heading back
Down a road
Where you’ve been before
And for all the excitement
You know what’s in store

It's all around me
Streaming from the hills
Everyone feels it
Hearts lift, spirits rise
Souls turn toward the light
Behind the warmth and the life
Returning to the forest
As the seasons wax and wane
And ancient trails are traveled again

It's all around me
As each heart touches  and reaches out
With smiles and thoughts and acts of kindness
Everyone feels it
As spirits soar to the music
And the beat and laughter echoes
Through the room
With children dancing
As the party ebbs and flows

It's all around me
As words of love resonate again and again
Weaving in and out of my day
From a  heart so tender
Precious crystal, infinite in beauty
And tears of joy and happiness transform me
As I bathe in the warmth
Of sacred human love

It's all around me
I am surrounded
By blessings wished on me in love
And my heart is full, at peace and calm
Because I realize
This is the love of God
That envelops me

You talked of pride
And of pain
I could see it
In your eyes
You talked of exhaustion
And emotional drain
And the countless tears
You cried
You talked of worlds
Moving apart
And you knew
You had to decide
That it wasn’t worth it
To go there again
It would just tear you up inside
I heard you talk
On your phone
And the words
Rattled in my mind
Then you hung your head
And closed your eyes
And continued
The subway ride

There always are
Those big questions
Looming like giants
In the room
Spoiling our food
And tainting our water
Spreading
A pervading sense of gloom
For we’ve set
Our boundaries
And our limits
Of who we are
And what we’re not
And woe to those
Who cross those markers
For which generations
Of souls have fought
And so we live
As parallel beings
Crying, loving
In different worlds
Content
Until we look behind us
And catch a glimpse
Of truth
Unfurled

I’d rather be here
Than hiding somewhere
In memories or thoughts
Or cries of despair
I’d rather be loved
And feel you connect
Than be brought into a void
I’d rather forget
Of a past that is gone
Of a man who once was
Of a man whom you wanted
It’s important because…
If I don’t say this
I’d be terribly remiss
Love the man who I am
Not the man whom you miss