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I imagine that you're happy
And laughing
With people I've never seen

I picture that you're working
Or still searching
Maybe applied for a new degree

Whatever it may be
For you I imagine good things

I don't think you'll go home
Back up to that small town
Until you're ready to settle down

And even then I
Wonder if you'll fit in
I always thought your heart was too big for Asotin

I know that's where you grew up
Know that's where your loved ones
Built that new house so pretty on the river

I imagine you with big dreams
I see everything you could be
And I find it reassuring

Whatever it may be
For you I imagine good things
colette alexia Jul 2023
I fell for someone
While falling for you
But when you fall that far
You’re digging a tomb
And there’s no room for two

I put us in a casket
Man I thought we had it
That you and I were strong enough
To make the time move backwards

But sorry’s turn to habits
That drove me into madness
Time of death at 1:19
At twenty one it’s tragic

Yeah part of me died that day
The part that thought love was always brave
The part that thought love could always make a way
The part that thought love always stayed
colette alexia Apr 2023
With a diamond on my finger
With your memory in the rear view mirror
What I've been most amazed by
In the past few years
Is the ability to restart
The histories still to be launched
The resiliency of the heart
colette alexia Mar 2023
I have realized where the difference lies
One I will love for my whole life
But this love is frozen time
Never growing, never changing, never sprouting deeper roots
A love for the one version of him that I knew
A snapshot, a timestamp, however true
Is not the dynamic, breathing love I have for you
So while I thought I may love him for my whole life
A stagnant love is a love that dies
Whereas you I will fall for a thousand new times
colette alexia May 2022
Ten because nine isn't enough
Violence because we never learned how to love
Searched for forgiveness, now we search for blood
Couldn't reach an understanding so we're reaching for the gun
Shoot it ten times because nine isn't enough
colette alexia Mar 2022
I stared at the wound as it stayed open
Gave up hope that it would ever close
Stood up, sighed
Walked away feeling resigned
To accept the pain as a part of me
Not wanting it anymore and yet not regretting it
Simply wishing it did not hurt
And would not become infected
As it lay exposed, bare before the world

As I kept walking, life fell in
Swept me away in a way love never could
Yet love was a part of the whole
Life grew larger
The world grew smaller
Memories grew in number
While friendships grew in meaning
And as what I knew grew exponentially,
Our time together grew more blurry
Our separation I understood more
As I thought about it less

What I thought were stones of foundation
Turned out to be forming just the windows
Set aside for now, one day to be dusted off and placed in the house that is my life
Shedding light on parts of myself I discovered through loving and leaving you

I find myself conquering the greatest fear I had when we parted,
That I would one day look back and call it young love,
Robbing it of what it truly was to me—real love, deep love, lasting.
It would be untrue, unjust to minimize it
To reduce it to a cliche, to call it a coming of age
I feared I would try to disguise it to somehow lessen the pain
I didn't realize the possibility that our love may become smaller
Not from my efforts to minimize it,
But because I would grow around it

I underestimated God
I underestimated myself
I'm not going back and changing the story to make it go down sweeter
Saying now that you didn't really know me then to make it feel a little neater
You did know me
I did love you
Our love was not small in the world we shared
It was the greatest love I had known
And now, now I no longer live in that world
Our love did not shrink
I have grown

Where did that wound go?
colette alexia Feb 2022
I didn't want to end it
Because I didn't want to have weak love
I thought that's what love meant then
Putting in ninety when you gave ten
Till my sister said, "Girl, not for months on end,
Babe you gotta cut the thread.
You can still love him but you can't invest."
And man I needed that
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