I shut you out,
With a false smile on my mouth.
I let you in,
Only enough to graze my skin.
I open the door,
Only to lay still upon the floor.
I wake up in my bed,
Only to gaze at the ceiling overhead.

It starts off small.
A nag, here or there.
Did you forget to do this,
Did you remember to do that?
It grazes the line.
Did you check and re-check?
Did you re-check again?
It grows larger.
How many times did you check?
Could you check once more?
Larger than you.
Did you double, triple, and quadruple check?
Did you do everything you could do?
Obsessive,
Cruel,
Demoralizing,
OCD.

Peace is a distant friend
That rarely calls
Never drops by for a coffee
Or a casual conversation.
Has Peace moved on,
Found a better friend?
While I sit here, bitter,
Affected,
Restless,
Unsure.
Peace, what can I do to bring you back?

Oh the ungrateful...
The lack of perspective,
Commitment to complaining,
Lack of compassion,
Allergic to compromise,
Unaware of their fortune,
Shining in a self-crafted crown.

Sensitive, soft,
Sweet, kind, giving,
Adorable, petite,
Young, naive, innocent.
That's what you see.
Your eyes create many illusions.

Your ordinary day is very different from mine
It is the kind of day that breaks into song
That smoothly blends from one scene to the next
With little complication or care to details
It is a day I could only dream of.
Though I rarely dream with this disease
This illness running through every vein
Turning my smiles into forced grins
The light in my eyes dulling
My hair and skin is tainted, touched by this sickness.
I wake up every morning, toxins flowing through me.
I wonder what it is like to have an ordinary day.

I crawl into bed, naked,
Leaving no excuse to leave.
My body melts into the sheets,
Every limb relaxing,
Every part of me letting go,
Except for my mind.
It races and demands my attention,
Like a child incessantly tugging at my sleeve.
I turn over and pull the blanket up.
Warmth envelopes my fears,
Engulfes my cares.
Still, my stubborn brain carries on.
I fight back with vivid fantasies of closing my heavy eyes.
A fight that I win, at least for tonight.
Goodnight body, goodnight mind.
Tomorrow is another day.