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Kayla Burke May 25
sometimes i ponder the thought that if i were to take my own life the sun would sure as hell still rise the next day

that if one day you woke up and i was no longer here
my existence would eventually become something you’d only acknowledge once a year

it hurts to force myself out of bed and stare at this hollowfied carcass of a body that i'm forced to roam

my soul is no longer here
it was ripped from the most sacred parts of me years ago

i don't think im meant to stay here for much longer
though i truly tried to find something to cling to
being forced to live in such agony is wrong

the whole point of my existence here on this plane is what follows after im long gone
Kayla Burke May 25
sometimes i wonder if you think of me as much as i think of you
if you miss talking until we were so sleepy
we’d drift off on the phone

do you miss it?
do you miss me?

i know that’s a silly question to ask
considering you now fall asleep on the phone with somebody new

and i fall asleep alone

you say you’re too busy to talk much nowadays
can’t call
don’t reply to my messages just checking in
for hours
if not hours

i sit by my phone and wait
and wait
and wait

but i can't wait anymore
i can't make you fall in love with me
and i can’t fall out of love with you

i do believe with my whole being you were one of my soulmates
one of my very first loves
somebody i was willing to and 'did' risk anything for
i would stick by your side even if doing so made me look like a fool
because that;s what love is

maybe i depended on you too much
expected too much too soon.
Though i bared you my soul
and told you we could go so slow
because all i wanted was you.

I think of all these scenarios and possible reasons
something i could of said
or maybe something i could've done

i tear apart all our memories
now causing me nightmares
i’ve tried to understand what i might have done

did your heart just beat differently one day?
did you just stop looking forward to seeing me smile or hearing me laugh?
did I annoy you by my singing you to sleep and making sure you were dreaming before I'd go?
or maybe my love letters and drawings just got too cheesy?

I knew you were drifting
i knew talking to me was getting old
i knew you didn't love me anymore

but i stayed
because i loved you
even if you didn’t love me back

you stopped telling me how special i was to you
you stopped saying ‘i love you’
i knew something was wrong

i was never the only one
and i was never going to be
you had no intention of truly making me yours

i was just so young
and so lost
i was fragile and easy to get your way with
i was willing to cling onto anything that could bring me joy for just a moment

even if that meant crying myself to sleep for years

i knew you didn't really want me
but i loved the way you made me feel when you’d pretend

i've come to realize i could never find a reason as to why because there wasn't a reason in the first place

you’re insecure and unsure of what you want out of life
you don't know what love is
nor have you learned how to
i was hoping if i shared the most delicate and complex parts of myself with you it’d help
but it only pushed you away

you don't repeatedly hurt the people you love
you learn from your mistakes
and grow together

you gave up on me before even trying

love isn’t leaving when things get hard
love isn’t taking advantage of situations for your own pleasure and convenience
i don’t regret falling in love with you because i’m not ashamed of my love
i just regret giving myself to you without thinking of the consequences

i was told things would end badly between us for years
but i refused to leave you
my heart and intentions were so pure
i wish yours had been too

receiving such intimate energies from a person
having that person open up their heart, mind and soul to you is such a special thing...
something you should cherish and hold as close to your heart as you possibly can

i will always love you
even if you don’t love me back
this is an extremely personal poem/open letter i wrote to somebody i'd fallen in love with. We're no longer in love. but i still love them as a person. it ***** when the person you love falls out of love w you before you get the chance to truly see things grow.
Kayla Burke May 25
i feel myself slipping in and out of reality
reminiscing on the memories that once brought me so much joy

now causing me the most pain

eternal desiderium
i want to punch a hole in my wall
i hate that the love i felt for you is now my most painful memory
Kayla Burke Mar 5
my fingertips cast my very own demise
i leave behind reminders
messages from yours truly
"i'll never love you..."
I've always struggled with self harm.. I guess this is me coping..? :))

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