you wanted me
to change my idea of love
just so you could continue to do the same thing
"Insanity is trying the same thing, but expecting something new
we must be insane cause we keep trying this, expecting to pull through" - Anson Seabra
Something about you felt different
Like the way you fixated yourself on the passing building and shining stars from the car window. Sitting in the cold air-coned seats, that you still insisted were hot.
I just want to let you know that you won't have to watch me like those passing buildings.
I'm not passing by nor are you a pit stop.
And although stars may be blinding
I will always have an eye
excerpts from the notes i held
yet, it's so hard for me to find the things i lost
in the clearest of blue waters
everytime i think i'll swim
He spoke something of rivers, stars and redwood trees with a fire in his eyes that could have burned the forest at his feet. And the diamond shards of dewy grass were always tears I never let you see, so I waited until dawn to finally set my spirit
f r e e
I stood on the other barrier between us, hesitant to let you in, I picked the petals off the flowers you once grew and told myself enough was enough, I locked my door and went to bed,
Slowly drifting to the sound of you trying to find your way back into my life once more.
I'll be sleeping, darling.
But it's 3am, I captured the changes of advantage points in you.
This was not planned. You view the beautiful skyline above, when all I see is blue. Seeing through the naked eye occured rarely, with reflected risk.
Time is a mechanic, it still orbits our imaginations.
should I turn into a storm?
howling like the wind, making noise
just to get you to hear me?
I just wanted you to hear.
I'm not even asking for you to listen.
I am grieving for a ghost without a grave,
His self is still surviving but his soul I could not save.
My medicine is the memories in my mind,
They weigh me down with worries, what ifs and whys.
Awhile after he left I hadn’t the need to fall nervous of the night,
Before it’s coldness cruelly cut my courage like a knife.
Gentle gravity, I grasped hold for anything he gave,
But he lacked the love, leaving me only with his lusting lave.
Yes, I know I should’ve walked into a colour without a shade,
This abuse approached me like abstract art arrayed.
Obviously these stars in the night will always outlive me and wring me out to die,
But I’m not going to let them get to me, no not this time.
— The End —