Being there, being there,
Being there in depression,
Completely alone and flat,
It is hard to explain this trip away,
To a place where I wished I were dead.
We all need some time away,
It is said,
So many of us go abroad,
But this place was strange,
Not a holiday resort at all,
This break from the everyday norm,
It cost a lot and the language was insane.

Even though I learned something,
To be immersed so deep,
I am now a native speaker,
The language I know so well.
Being there, being there,
Was not being here,
Those who are here,
Who have never been there,
They will never understand,
I would not wish them to.

Broom smashed,
Broom broken,
Broom flattened,
I saw it there,
It felt like me,
It’s had it really.

When down with depression,
A double vision is felt,
I can see through the layers,
The layers of life,
Life is in layers,
Nothing is plain,
Confusion is in the mind.

Though nothing is plain,
Though confusion is mine,
I can see through the layers of life,
Things are transparent,
Yes I have seen,
I have seen crystal clear,
I have seen priorities of life.

There is more than existence,
There is more than a job,
More than a ***** of success,
The eyes they are peeled,
The layers are off,
What is important,
What matters is love.

Daughter of the sea he called her,

Called her through the running sands,

Sands of time were passing over,

Passing through his naked hands.


On the sands her feet were falling,

Falling through the groundless place,

She could not hear him gently calling,

Calling out from some lost space.


There upon the rock she waited,

Waited blindly for love to come,

She did not see that she was naked,

Naked her bleeding heart so young.


Across the water deep and swollen,

Came his voice so rich and golden,

She listened to him softly praying,

She cupped her hands and he came near.


Then from out the waves he surfaced,

Came from out the rushing waters,

Came from down beneath the sea,

Boldly she longed to hold him there.


Seaweed hung around his body,

Shells were woven through his hair,

She could see his hands were waiting,

Waiting for the whispering waves.


He took her heart so gently bleeding,

Bleeding on the ocean floor,

He held it tightly, held it softly,

Squeezed it until it bled no more.


Down they went, they went so deeply,

Down into the cave of mystery,

She immersed herself in potion,

Magic delights consumed their brains.


Ecstasy was a firm embrace,

The ocean heaved and thundered,

Swollen they roared and crashed,

Come now be one with me at last.

I’m so tired,
Life is so hard,
The rug is pulled out,
I am falling,
The floor has opened,
Life has taken a swallow,
I often thought it would.

So now I fall,
Deep into the throat
I must get the courage,
I must get the strength,
To live,
But I am so weary today,
So weary every day.

I will go to the monster,
Go into its jaws,
It will chew me,
Then spit me out.
I’ll pick myself up,
Though I’ll be chewed and torn,
And say goodbye to the devil.

Stomach ticking over,
With what was to come,
Churning and turning,
Past, present and future,
All mixed in dreams.

Worse than I dared to hope,
Where all dreams are dead,
What a sight beheld my eyes,
The vultures had swooped,
On my being they had feasted.

How swiftly the shark swims,
How rapid it swallows its prey,
Nothing but a heap of memories,
I had been ravaged by it all.
Well the fat ***** stood and watched.

Slowly she swelled into the room,
She was shining in the glory of guilt,
I was washed in her apathy,
I looked around for what I had lost,
But was it really ever there?

My head is buzzing with fantastic ***,
It takes away all reason.
So what is the matter now? I ask.
As my life spirals and spins out of control.
The futility of it all,
What is important?
Who really cares?
Round and round I spin,
I spin around like a top.
I feel dizzy, I feel sick,
With nausea of the mind,
The mind is sick.

My daughter’s face is quiet
No glitter in her eyes,
But an instant later comes,
The transformation of her smiles,
Stardust sprinkles from her face,
It glitters on all around,
The sparks they fly with radiance,
They touch me deep inside.

My lover is cooking Breakfast,
He is an engineer,
I wonder what he is doing down there,
And I shed a tear.
The tears are sweet and full of joy,
Cascading glorious light,
It fills my heart with happiness,
To see my future bright,
Shimmering rainbows glint and gleam,
Sprinkling happiness in colours that beam.
The biggest smile across the sky,
The biggest love for you and I.

I love your eyes,
Your eyes,
Your eyes like butterflies,
Like butterflies when we kiss,
We kiss,
We kiss like smouldering coals,
Like your eyes,
Smouldering coals,
Coals hot with passion,
Hot with passion raging,
Passion raging in loves glory,
In loves glory like fire,
Fire burning,
Fire burning in the forest,
Like forest fires,
The forest burns,
The forest burns for you,
Like a never ending story.

High on a hill our grandparent’s home stood,

Its majesty in stone cast a haunted look,

Light glimmered from a paraffin lamp,

Whilst outside it snowed on the geese,

As they ran to their shelter,

And the cows mooed on the fields above,

And the goats cried in the barn.

Mother pumped water from the well,

We ran around collecting eggs,

Granddad showed me how to milk a goat.

In the evenings we gathered in the kitchen,

The fire roared in the range,

Granddad sat in his big chair,

He burned anything just to keep warm,

We thought it very strange.

Mother worked at the big white sink,

Knitted squares hung from a line,

We made tiny plasticine dolls,

They slept in plasticine beds,

We drank Dandelion and Burdock,

Ginger pop and Sarsaparilla,

It came in enormous stone bottles,

Dad got it every week from a man at the door.

Most of the rooms were huge, bleak and bare,

A room we called the playroom,

Was carpeted with goat skins,

There were jars of melted metal,

Who knows why?

We were told it was grandma’s jewelry,

Melted to stop the Germans getting it in the war,

In the long hall there was a dressing up chest,

We loved to look inside.

The bathroom was a scary place,

There was a lion head toilet and a bath with lions feet,

At night we went upstairs with a candle for light,

We cuddled together to keep warm,

One night we saw fairies at the window.

Our aunty had a gramophone,

Records all scattered around,

We had to be careful where we trod,

She loved Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby,

We didn’t understand.

Our uncle slept on the top floor,

In a huge brass bed,

One day I took him a cup of tea,

We were not normally allowed up there,

He fixed broken cars they were all everywhere.

He played late in the barn with his girlfriend.

My grandmother slept downstairs,

She always was very ill,

Wrapped in bed in a pink bed shawl,

We got her water from the spring,

To cure her, but she died.

I feel so dreadful,
Writhing in pain,
Pain in my body,
Pain in my Brain,
I can’t go to sleep,
I can’t stay awake,
I have to take courage,
I must go.

Into that place,
To clear my desk,
Sever the ties,
End the stress,
Anxiety asks questions,
Will anyone care?
What will they say?
Who will be there?

Life is a mess,
Mine I confess,
But ask are you crazy?
They don’t dare.

The pain is stabbing,
The knife in the back,
Kicked when down,
I am sorely unimpressed.

The place is full of evil Gnomes,
Witches in every nook,
They busy themselves to look,
As if they care.
I am a piece of prey captured in the lair,
Something to play with and toss into the air.

My possessions were scattered,
But who would complain?
The vultures had fed on my flesh,
The waste all around,
I could see how they’d picked,
I could see how they’d poked,
I could see how they didn’t give a dam,
Pages I’d written,
Things that were mine,
Everything thrown all about,
Nothing matters, but matter itself.

Push forward the day,
Breathe in the calm,
Follow the way,
Friends like balm,
Breathe out the mess,

Like the ocean,
Wave upon wave,
Deep and dark,
Swallowing the blue,
Knowing the true,
Throw off the ropes,
The binds that tie,
Behold the bud,
The flower will die,
Heavy are the days.

Step into the water
You the longed for daughter
Sea talks to me
She oh she oh she,
Come in, come in,
It sings the hymn,
On every ebb and flow
The fire burns below
Rainbows fly above,
Catch a tale,
Ride it with your love,
Speeding clouds,
Darkness falls like shrouds,
Rushing sighs,
All the old lies
Like falling petals,
Waiting, waiting, always waiting,
Come, please come oh come

In this throw-away society,
It seems nothing is meant for life,
People scrape and scream for success,
But how do they feel inside?

They throw away things of value,
The marks of their affluent style,
They dispose of treasures,
Even those hard to find.

I have been that piece of *******,
That discarded bit of trash,
Worthless and unwanted,
Casually thrown aside.

A person can so easily,
Be thrown on that proverbial heap,
The piece of scrap,
The person left to rot.

Lucky for me there are others,
Who rescue from the dump,
Those who see the value,
In what others see as junk.

For some people are out there gathering,
Things of the throw-away kind,
For scraps can be turned to beauty,
By one of the loving kind.

They all chatter,
Small talk all the time,
All go on their way,
They think they know it all.
Perchance I see a kindly face,
I will put them straight,
Chatter, chatter, small talk all the time,
It seems I am filled with gloom,
Travelling through a world without care,
A passage of despair,
Apprehension traps me in fear,
I am consumed with it,
But I must feel it and do it anyway,
I know what fear feels like, I know its taste,
Whilst all around look on and see my waste,
They can talk.

Anxiety pulls and tears the heart,
Depression steals my mind,
My thoughts are stuck and I am dumb,
Where am I today?

It’s a long story,
My fall from grace,
I saw how they changed,
How they turned their face,
The stigma, it sticks,
As sure as hell,
Depression it hurts,
But no one can tell,
With our face to the wall,
It’s true what is said,
That no one will call,
No hand is extended,
To steady the fall,
I was nearly surprised,
That they didn’t care,
When I looked for support,
But it wasn’t there.
Judgements are strong,
They do the rounds,
How little they know,
They have no grounds.

She was a big fat fake,
Shiny, smiley, shocked, *****,
I took her by surprise,
She didn’t like that,
The pretentious cow,
Political correctness be ******,
The big fat pretend friend,
What lies she hides behind.

Come you lovers make the leap,
Take the cup drink long and deep,
For it is the cup of love,
Press firmly to your lips,
Hold it very close.

Pick the fruit and taste it well,
Savour and adore the spell,
For it is the love apple,
Bite it with delight,
You have it made.

Tie the binds and make them tight,
Keep your heart and pledge alight,
For it is the love knot,
Intertwine your parts,
They do not slip.

Wear the lock around your neck,
Keep your head and heart in check,
For it is the love lock,
The token shared,
Love eternal.

Rejoice it is a feast so fine,
A feast to last the end of time,
For it is the love game,
You play so pure,
So certain to win.

Release the birds of shining fire,
Their paradise in the sky much higher,
They are the love birds,
Born to fly above,
They fly together.

Appreciate and delight your emotion,
Take your love and swallow the potion,
For it is love nectar,
Manner from heaven,
Ambrosia of gods.

Crave your possession with your part,
Bathe your lover's swollen heart,
For it is the love caress,
Breathe tender regard,
Give any consideration.

Take all circumstance and dance all night,
Eat the cherries and lose the fight,
For love is letting go,
Let things be,
Thrive and free.

Hold them in your arms an atmosphere not bland,
Take all burnings as willows love wet land,
For the love of life,
Let all things grow,
Nurture and fulfil.

Take all your desires and all your yearnings,
Discover your lover through all of their burnings,
For you are the love birds,
Born to fly above,
You fly together.

Look out at the world in the same direction,
Hold your love in deep affection,
For love is a passage,
Through the storm,
Breathe it in.

Ride high on the tidal wave of boundless ocean,
Swelling the seas with all your emotion,
For love overflows,
Feel the heat in your veins,
Sit in the seat of love.

I was in a forest the other day,
I felt like the undergrowth,
Soaring trees were all around,
Stretching to the skies,
The undergrowth was struggling,
Struggling to survive.

I felt fluffy and soft,
Weak as a feather,
Blowing in the wind,
My sister seemed like steel,
I needed that steel that day,
Nerves of steel,
So I would not blow away.
Solid and strong,
Calm and sure,
She took me by the hand,
The sister’s hand is true,
From that hand I took the strength,
The strength to see me through,
The sister is great,
Doing things only a sister would do,
The inner power it flowed,
From my sister’s hand to mine,
That is how I survived,
On that dreadful day.

The people rot, they rot inside,
Inside the rotten institution,
They don’t care what they’ve done,
They confess to nothing,
No one will make them pay,
Human costs don’t count,
They become carrion for the vultures,
Their teeth in rotting flesh,
Those vultures up above,
They get fat on the flesh of human weakness,
The fat ones are always on top,
We must save ourselves.

Getting to the point,
Getting to the point,
Getting to the point of entry,
Avoiding the point,
Getting down to the point,
Avoiding the point of friction,
He was avoiding the point of entry,
He couldn’t see the point, couldn’t find the point,
But she was coming to the final ******,
Yes she was coming to the old conclusion,
There was no point,
There would never be a point,
So coming to the point was pointless,
He was straight to the point,
Straight to the point of entry,
Then he was off the point completely,
He thanked her so directly,
Missing the point,
Missing the point,
Swerving into confusion.

I see Dockers watering pansies with dainty watering cans,
I see transvestites doing DIY,
I see women building bodies,
I see men cook and fry,
And don’t grown men cry?

Gender complexities, ****** complexities,
Why the split when things don’t fit?
Women doing house removals whilst men sit and sew,
So what?
Humanities, biologies, personalities,
Are we not more the same than different?
The World is crazy for categories,
But we do not fit inside.