slowu n f u r l i n gof

                                                        p e t
- a l s

unbiddenflow
enough****shoegazing
warmbeamsofg e n t l e energy

sunstrikes **** into heart of dying tree
wake up half-dead entrails of prior will
gazenomore . . . upon these bankrupt eyes


p e t a l s
fall
                                                                ­                      heavy
and
drape real easy
over&..

all around



u*





S T, 23 JulesVerne 2013

We locked eyes with each other
And you knew
That something had changed..
You were in love

The nerve endings under my skin
Scream at your every touch
Your hand brushes my neck
And on my cheeks a light blush
You bring your face closer to mine
I wait for your lips to make contact
Taking a deep breath pretending I'm fine
But really my heart is racing so fast
I'm very close to dying
My back against the wall
Your arms there to catch me if I fall
In one swift action
We are lips to lips
Hands pulling us hips to hips
Tongues taking ocassional dips
Into the well of each others mouths
And the weight crushing feeling
Can only be described with jumbled nouns
Which doesn't make any sense
Because my feelings in this moment
Are a complete and total mess
All I know for a fact
Is the fact that I want more
So with a graceful tact
We stumbled across the floor
As we made it to the bed
You whispered sweet nothing's into my ear
I don't remember what you said
But it drove away all my fear
And as you made love to me that night
I finally saw your soul in pure light

(To:) Johnny
I once knew a boy named Johnny
We were good friends for a short time

He was my cousin’s best friend
Although they didn’t remain that way

Johnny was a gentleman
Whatever I was going through he held my hand

He made me laugh we always had fun
And from him I learned a lot of things

Like all about the softer side of the opposite ***
But he was too much too soon and I couldn’t handle it

So friends we remained for a short time
Until another man caught my eye

Johnny taught me how to kiss for him
In the dark at my aunt’s house no less




That will remain one of my cherished memories
In the dark with you listening to Usher and Alicia Keys sing “My Boo”

You loved me without guilt or shame
But I knew nothing of love then

Now I do, and I know it was you
Who comforted me after my first fight

You warned me then that Chris wasn’t right
How I wish I would’ve listened

But I didn’t
And we went our separate ways

It breaks my heart looking back on it now
What you must have been going through what you must have been feeling

All the ways I must have hurt you
All the while I was too young and naive to see




Then I got the dreaded phone call
With it came an invitation

It had been at least 3 years
Since the last time I saw you alive and well

I couldn’t handle that ugly truth
So once again, I wasn’t there for you

It breaks my heart to say that
Because you were always there for me

I can’t believe no one stopped me
So I could stop you

I can’t believe I couldn’t bring myself to see all the good in you
And then try to make you see it too

It breaks my heart to think about your end
About how lost and lonely you must have been




I should have been there and I wasn’t
I let you down time and time again

And through all that
You still considered me your friend

It is something I will always have to bear
How I let someone go who needed me

So please if you can hear me
I apologize with every single fiber of my being
I apologize
I am so sorry
So so so sorry
For not being there
For not being the person you needed me to be
The same person you always were for me
I know I let you down
I love you
I miss you
And I am so so so sorry
I always see us as those two cats on the fence  

~R.I.H. Johnny~

Do you ever think about
what it would be like
if you had died that night?

With bitter words,
I do.

Have you ever thought of
the one less name called
at graduation?

Of all the empty
chairs?

An empty bed,
a disconnected phone number,
a fresh memory,
one less prom ticket,
one less twin,
one more grave.