do not say sorry
for being human
your forgiveness
is not a crutch
for him to lean on
it is a conduit
for the you
that can swim
across an ocean
alone
while he still hangs
on your ankles
do not say sorry
for being human
while you are still
learning how to do so

love is not patient
love is not kind

love is leaving
the very first time
he puts his hands on you
in a way other than to
worship the skin
that fosters your soul
love is knowing
you are worth more

use his words as tinder
in the fire that drives you
each and every lonesome morning
bask in solitude,
discover you;
every sight and sound
you are not too much
to keep around
he was not enough
to hold on to you
use his fearful words
the ones that used to sting
as the very thing that drives you
to be bolder than you were before
he dulled you out
don't stop now

looking back
is not stepping down
do not mix up
regression and humanity

it's okay to love toxicity
it's okay to want it again
but remember how it felt
to have your walls crash in
you can yearn for the past
from the present
to smile and to laugh
but do so through rose colored glass
carefully; you are finally free

wait until it hurts to write
and when it hurts don't stop
it's okay to feel everything,
all at once, scattered on paper,
it's okay to give your heart
the right-of-way, it's okay
wait until it hurts to write
and when it hurts,

heal with words

when he comes back to apologize
be sure to recognize if it comes from
his mouth or his eyes, my dear.
one is a trick and one is sincere.

a sorry from the mouth
projects blame on your heart
for being too loving,
for playing its part
a sorry from the mouth
will try to mend a reputation
rather than any pain he caused
with his years of manipulation

a sorry from the eyes
is a sorry from the heart,
he says sorry for being so cruel
and not doing his part
a sorry from the eyes
will feel like a kiss
just know you deserve this

when he comes back to apologize
be sure to recognize if it comes from
his mouth or his eyes, my dear.
one is a trick and one is sincere

you are worth an apology for what has been done
rather than what you have felt as a reaction
tell that sucker that you're not looking to mend
don't give him the satisfaction

do not use another's hands
to **** your own gardens


when the time comes for your flowers to bloom
you will gaze upon each petal in liberated peace
something you must do alone

do not use another's hands

that man is not your home