Woke up.
Just as sleep was drifting in.
I found I had been dribbling.
My pillow entirely wet.
Must have been dreaming of holding you tight.
Close in my mind.
May you please linger.
Maybe just maybe, I thought I was your baby and that you were holding me tight.
I thought maybe, I could have snuggled my self in a ball,
like a baby protected by you.
Perhaps you were stroking my reddish brown hair.
Probably, you'd kissed me gently upon my forehead or my cheek or even my neck.
No biting now, I may like it, but the boss probably won't.
You could always have rolled me over onto my back.
Gently of course.
Possibly, you said I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you.
I guess you didn't mean to either.
You kissed my hair.
I was gently lured back into the land of sweet repose.
I'm guessing sleep took over and no one ever knows.
Sleep's just mother nature's amnesiac.
(C) Livvi

I believe my soul is rotten
Yet you say it is not

I see my face, it's so ugly
Yet you say I'm pretty

I think my body is destroyed
Yet you say I've earned my stripes

I know my heart is beyond repair
Yet you say you'll help mend it

Can you really see so deep into my eyes?
Into my soul?
My heart?
Sometimes I think you're blind
Because everything about me is *torn all apart

When you said "I could drown in your eyes."
Were you implying that they appeared the color of the ocean?
Because you have brought a storm to my ocean eyes.

I didn't know that when you said you loved my mouth
That you'd grow tired of kissing it,
That you wouldn't care when it had something to say.

And the day you said my body was beautiful,
Who would have guessed that you no longer wanted to touch it,
That your skin didn't long for mine anymore.

The worst part about it all is when I look in the mirror,
When I see my own reflection,
Because you too, had ocean eyes

This sadness, this numb
It is not poetic.
I cannot write about galaxy ridden veins
or fire seared eyes

This sadness, this emptiness
It is not beautiful
There will be no heroic sweeping away of broken princesses by
princes with cigarette clenched teeth
or ***** laced lips

This sadness, this gut-wrenching pain
Will not be daises in Marlboro boxes
It can't be unraveled threads sewed back
by an infinite but dysfunctional love

No, no.

This sadness isn't any of that.

This sadness, it's raw
It hurts to look at but it's torture to bear
People look away from this type of sadness
Because it sure as hell ain't pretty.
But what it is is real
This is the sadness that, once moved past, is never forgotten

It's worn like armor in battle
Like a coat of arms

This sadness makes you a **soldier

I'm angry so I write
I'm sad so I write
I'm happy so I write
I'm scared so I write
I'm confused so I write
Although nobody knows how I feel
I've let it all go
Through my fingertips