Volume up,lights out
Tolerance up just to drown him out
Everyone's dancing in circles
She's stuck in the perverse perimeter,so no one sees her around .
Hopped off on circles & hallow cylinders just to survive when shes around
She used to come alive in the moon light
When the high beams shined she used to see the light .
Now she's struggling w strategies to leave .
Trying to find an amusing excuse to satisfy their surprise
Something like :
"I'm a vampire I need to get home before the sun rises "
Pass her a lighter , So she could add
fuel to the fire ;makes for better burn holes in her pantyhose
Chain link boots ,skin tight leather coat
Mustang Sally , make tonight your own..

It won't be long.
It won't be long
until you find yourself
running to the platform
with your suitcase
faltering over the cracks
in the concrete.
As the train pulls out
you see blinding fears
diminish and then
disappear entirely.
You see false love
for what it is
and then thank whoever
for your opportunity
to experience it.
It won't be long
until those psalms of travel
become a reality.
Until you are removed
from your pigeon-hole
and post-code
which have been tagged
to you since birth.
You can replace
them with a new name
or in the different way
you apply your eye-liner
and look across
the new rooms
you frequent.
It won't be long
until you find yourself.
I promise,
it won't be long.

I wrote this for you because there were times I wish someone had written this for me-

Stop hating your reflection, stop hating the girl that is in your mirror. She is you, and you must love your fingertips to your eyelashes, your toes to your stomach all the way down to the edges of your soul and the depths of your heart.

Stop letting him be your world. Have you ever looked at a map? Have you even seen where the rivers go? Have you ever realized that you can get in the car and go? Don't tell me no, because it's true. Instead of following the rivers you let him create them and they flow down your face. Stop swimming in your tears, don't drown in his consuming love. Swim far away and resurface. Breathe in and out. Get out of the water and dry your tear soaked face off, and don't swim until you're ready again.

Stop letting your insecurities shape your mind. They're like needles injected into your body, leaving injuries and drops of blood while extracting your strength to put those thoughts to sleep. You have to learn to form your pretty little fingers into fists and start fighting off those nagging voices in your head that say you aren't good enough. Throw a punch, take a hit, get back up, wipe the sweat off your forehead and do it again. Battle until you come out bruised but on top, exhausted but a winner.

Stop letting him be your measure of worth. His attention and love will never, in your lifetime, fill the void where your own self love should be. He, nor any one guy, will ever fill your heart the way your own self love could. I promise you that loving yourself is so much more rewarding than someone else loving you. I promise I promise I promise.

Stop making excuses. Are you really happy or is that what you project? Is your smile real? Does he make you genuinely smile anymore? Are you falling asleep in his arms feeling alone? Are you?

Stop reading these words and start doing. I wrote this for you because I know he never would.

...my seventeenth drink in two hours
when my head went from resting peacefully in your lap
to hung over the toilet seat I somehow managed to get to in time
vomiting self-hatred and cheap *****
that I realized I should have eaten something that day.

...you asked about the sixty-two marks on my arm
that I purposely (drunkenly) left in plain sight,
unconsciously hoping someone would ask if I was okay,
that I realized you would be anything to me
but nothing hits harder than the fact that
despite "your understanding of how I'm feeling"
I still wanted to die of 200% alcohol in my bloodstream.

...we were lying on the cold, hardwood floor
with your arm under my head and your lips pressed to my neck
(although I'm not sure if that actually happened)
that I realized I could be happy even at my lowest.

...we woke up the next morning,
next to each other but not touching,
that I realized the night before was a one time thing
and even though you saw me at my worst,
all you really know is my first name
and that I have hundreds of scars on my left inner arm and both my hips,

but you didn't say a word to me all morning.