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Insomnia—
a lie I cradle like a rosary, whispered bead by bead
into every hour I refuse to surrender.
I choose this ache again and again,
with no apology in the morning.

refusing sleep is not the same as refusing rest.
for only God knows how hollowed I’ve become,
how my bones hum lullabies
my heart won't believe.

this is my weary body's only plea,
"close your eyes. let go. let be."
I chose to ignore just to watch another aurora borealis
dancing softly across my ceiling,
as if it was a secret sky made just to keep me sane

darkness is my cathedral,
it hushes the noise,
asks nothing.
while daylight is a debt—
and I am tired of paying.

so I lie here, chest to sorrow,
in the hush between seconds,
while the world forgets my name.

alone is a velvet word wrapped in a 3 a.m. sigh—
and though it bruises, at least it’s mine

let morning come
with its sharp, clean light.
let it knock
I will not answer
let it burn the door down if it must

But tonight—
I stay
with the silence that ache,
and the ghost of who I was
before I called this
peace.
There is a kind of terror that is ******* the life out of me, so ironically calmly, I can only scream internally while writing this. My tears are no more but not my pen. I am so clinically depressed but at least, I can resonate through writing beautiful poems lol.
Stephanie Sep 2024
she can write a poem
but her words can't free her
the more she hopes,
the more it hurts
the more she lives,
the more she dies
she is crying strong acid
—burning through her bones,
helpless and defeated
Stephanie Aug 2023
hinarangan na ng duda,
mga alinlangan at pangamba
ang mga matang lumuluha
hapo at balisa

halika, sinta, ihakbang ang mga paa
kahit puno nang takot pa,
patungong pag-asa, makakaahon,
makakausad, makakabangon

ang mga hapdi ay may hangganan
kung di pa handa, hindi kailangan tumahan
may kapanalunan kahit humihikbi
may tagumpay kahit ang puso'y sawi

sa dulo may naghihintay na liwanag,
may mga sagot na sisinag,
sa mga tanong **** bakit,
darating ang ginhawa kapalit ng sakit
You'll get there, even with eyes full of tears and heart full of scars. Rest will be with you.
Stephanie Jun 2023
I have learned that the simplest way to save a life,
Is to stay up with them all night
Stephanie May 2023
"I wish I have their life"
A generic script that we say
When things are rough
And life is hitting hard
But we only see the good point of view
People don't often share wars or battle scars,
Only pictures of victories and glories
We barely knew that every champs
Are also losers at night,
Ironically sobbing,  
"I wish I have their life"
Stephanie May 2023
I know I'll die and when it comes
I want no flowers displayed
I will hate you if you offer flowers at my wake
Why didn't you do when I was alive?
When I can enjoy the moment,
When I can feel special and loved,
It's unfair for you to give me flowers
At the time when I am withered,
Couldn't breathe,
Not able to appreciate,
And not able to say thank you for it.
Edit: Flowers are for those we cherish and love. Do not waste the time to make them feel it.
Stephanie Feb 2022
Multiple pains a day
Is enough to **** me
The other way
Sufferings 2022 alone gave me
- had covid with severe symptoms (jan)
- my dad passed away (jan)
- all ky 4 kittens died (jan, few days after my father passed)
- I lost my job (jan)
- romantic relationship with someone got really complicated (feb)
- my mental health getting worse each day (literally everyday)
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