chikondi mandala

chikondi mandala Mar 2016

I'm sorry for being a huge disappointment.
I'm sorry for not taking the bullet for you because I
thought you weren't worth it.
I'm sorry for not trusting you because I caught you
red handed with my best friend.
I'm sorry you couldn't handle that other men could
find me attractive.
I'm sorry for not being your perfect girlfriend,
for not enjoying the night life as you did.
I'm sorry that I have some goodness in me,
that I go to church every Sunday.
I'm sorry for regarding my moral values as more important than you.
I'm sorry for preferring regular chocolate chip cookies to space cakes,
for wanting to listen to Adele and not rock.
I'm sorry for not being there for you because you told me that
you will never need me.
I'm sorry for running away from home after you assaulted me,
for failing to remove the blood stain off our bedroom wall
after you hit my head against it.
...DARLING...
I am so sorry
For celebrating your death.

chikondi mandala Feb 2016

The One That Got Away

I sent the first text,
and he asked for my name.
We bonded very quickly,
you can almost call it fate.
Then came the late nights,
we talked a lot but never met.
His pictures are all I saw,
and his *** was to die for.
His teeth weren't perfect,
but he had an insanely beautiful smile.
One day he just went offline,
and never said bye.

dedication to Ice-T

chikondi mandala Feb 2016

To Ma'

I refuse to be likened to every teenage girl out there.
To be confined in a box with a million other confused
Minds which lack personality,and are easily swayed by society.
Who said society is always right?
Who said being a little different is wrong?
So what if I'm homosexual and society condemns me,
So what if i drop out of school at fifteen and the society
Predicts a poor and unsuccessful life for me.
So what if i like dressing like a boy and video games too.
So what if my eye make up is too dark and THEY calmly say
"Honey you look hideous"
So what if am overweight,it doesn't make me less human.
So what if i can't cook,
So what if i cant knit,
So what if i don't meet your expectations.
After all.
I am.
My own person.

chikondi mandala Feb 2016

Did we ever love?

He says...
I'm the reason why His falling,
I am the reason why its not working,
I'm the reason why His breaking,
The reason why His hurting,
Why His angry, frustrated and feels betrayed.

...and I say...
HIS the reason why I love myself the way
I do because He couldn't do it better.
The reason why I'm more confident
Because I now know my capabilities.
The reason why I can wear that slim fit dress
And not worry about disgusting HIM with
My "love handles" so HE says.
The reason why I have reconnected with my guy friends
Because I don't have HIM organising my friend list for me.
The reason why am happy,
Because I have finally found myself.