i am afraid of fall and winter.
i am afraid of the dropping temperature.
the trees slowly withering.
i am afraid of the short days.
and the dark mornings.
i am afraid of reliving the memories we made in the fall.
and how we broke in the winter.
my heart goes cold like the weather.

So down, I'm drinking coffee grounds
to stay up. Pieces of bark in my

cup like a tired dog running on half-
woofs. Half & Half fizzles, sizzles

West Coast Folgers corporate doorstep.
Step lightly / hardwood floorboards.

Each creak, each door hinge "hello" couldn't
make me go. Fetch me the paper, some

poetry, a pen and a pad to write on.
To feel right on.

Lines so loose that delicates / zip-ups /
camisoles lie on the hillside

trying to poke the clouds, pop 'em,
with their tags. 100% cottonpoly-

estersilkrayon blend. Pure blend,
breakfast blend. The mug I stole

from the caf 'cause they steal from
me. Thousands of dollars every semester

for Cheerios everyday. Cholesterol doesn't
matter to me. Not because I don't care,

but because I've lowered the good kind, too.
So low, so low, the parking garage elevator

girls can't pick me up. So low on morale,
my textbook battalion would rather shut

me out.
So low that I'd let them.

Drive a Porsche Nine- Eleven,
Wear the Gucci Horse-bit gold ?
Take you back to Seventh Heaven ?
Style locked in Gimlet mould.
Oyster Bay’s crisp apple bite
Quaffed in slender crystal flute,
Cartier peeps from the cuff
Of silken shirt in peerless suit.
Bircher bowls of oaten crepes
At Harbour-side in golden dusk,
A prelude to a moonlit cruise
With chiffoned girl in **** musk.
Pink mansion perched at high cliff edge
Standing over Half Moon Bay
Where poker’s stratospheric stakes
Depicts that only Players play.
Cash cascades with no restraint
For gleaming ninety carat stone,
Adorning ladies on your arm
Who just, will not leave you alone.
You wear your Porsche Nine- Eleven,
Drive your Gucci Horse-bit gold,
Wrap yourself in Seventh Heaven....
Consumated Gimlet hold.*

M.
Sky Tower Casino
Auckland
1 November 2014

Halfway through the journey
Winter came to stay
The ones I met along my path
Chased the cold away

Memories of twisting
Beneath the starry sky
Kept the wind from swirling in
And pulled my spirits high.

Once I was a singer,
Though po-ems tinged my dreams.
The journey saw an end to that
And waking- raced from me.

Shattering and scattered
Like stars across the skies
Out of reach and far away;
I wished on while I tried.

I never really minded though
Or mourned the goals I lost
For losing each and everything
Was freedom's exact cost.

Explaining this to others
Was pointless to me though
For how can others understand
The open road's my home?

He said he caught himself thinking of my long legs when I was absent.

I froze...Silent and annoyed...

Perhaps he was over confidant when he leaned in and pressed his lips against mine.

I slapped him.

It made me feel cheap so I lit a cigarette. I inhaled deeply watching the smoke swirl... if I could just fade away with it.

Lights to bright and sounds that burst. My head hurts...I flick my ash.

Now he's frozen...just watching me.

Perverts and nicotine have the same stench. Both a bad habit I need to quit.

You may have noticed puzzle pieces  scattered all around me.
Patterns starting to come into light.

I know this because I see it myself.
So I wait.

I always catch myself wondering what my heart keeps saying, because I'm finding it difficult to translate.

I love the wrong way.
I know this from everything before.

Puzzle pieces that never fit, no matter how hard I try.
Glue and paste never hold.
Edges always askew.
Patterns so complex they hurt my eyes.

It takes time I'm guessing.
Patient hands to guide pieces into place.

I wouldn't know what to do if it where complete.
Or what it might be like,
To never have too worry about starting over.

"There isn't anything good about
anything, and all of my friends are either
****** or Christian, and I'm stuck
somewhere in the middle."

-Teenagers