I've made so many mistakes
So much ground to cover
Trying to right my wrongs
Only to uncover another

They say you get what you give
And I know that to be true
Because I'm fighting to repair
I'm struggling to undo

All the years of negativity
Alcoholism and drugs
Making headway out of this pit
That I have quickly dug

Change comes with time
This path of correction I must follow
So much I must repair
For a better tomorrow

A little at a time, I can finally see the sun
Blinded by the brightness, from which I've always run

To stop acting like a boy
To finally become a man
And stop wallowing in my pity
To make my final stand

Against this heavy darkness
I have allowed to take control
I am ready to be better
I will not be swallowed whole.

One day I will look back
On the mess that I have made
The war to right my wrongs
To be worthy of being saved.

I lay awake, I close my eyes
I try to count those ******' sheep
I toss and turn I can not sleep
All I am.. Anxiety

Paralysis comes, I am encumbered
Forced to see you in between
This reality and the land of dreams
I cannot run I cannot scream

You play these stupid ******* games
And run away the second it rains
Leaving me alone to drown in pain
And every girl is the ******* same.

Another sun sets
I watch the night creep  
The color is ****** from the world
Vanishing before my very eyes
I crumble to my knees and beg
I wish only to be
Like the trees and houses
That vanish within
The tidal wave of darkness.

This reflection in the mirror
Is it really me?
I touch my face, he touches his face
Surely this can't be.

I remember thinking of the future
Of the man I would become
Time flew by so fast it seems
I've completely come undone.

I stare into his eyes
His dark and angry eyes..
Deep inside.. Goosebumps arise
Every tortured, desperate cry..

The past floods me so vividly
Takes the breath right out of me
Denial rears, choke back the tears
The hate pours right out of me.

In a fit of rage I strike him
I can't take this anymore
Covered in blood and void of love
He falls in pieces on the floor

I pull shards from my hands
And the rage it slowly fades
He must be me after all
His eyes share my mistakes.

Why does this always happen?
I am trapped in a loop
I can hear her laughin'

The world has lost its colorful hew
Returned to sender
Nothing new..

People say, its time to move on
But I feel so lost
I feel so wronged

I wait, forever for her to call
In this giant bed
I feel so small

Why does this always happen?
Trapped in this loop
I hear her laughin'

Hello, I am me
I love full tilt
Full time
Immensely

You blew into my life
Like a wild fire
Flames soring ever higher
Untamable

I reached through the flames
And I will never forget
Your name
Thank you

My world was cold and dark
Many nights alone
Feeling lost
You thawed my world

Life began to blossom
Feelings I thought extinct
Hit me like a plague
That I would burden always..

It is too soon
For my mouth to speak
The words I wish to..
Desperately..

Not Because I need you
To fix me..
Simply because...
You make me a better

Me..

I love you.

She will hold my hand in public
Fingers laced, Smile placed
She never backs away
When I offer her my face,

When I look into her eyes
My demons suffocate
Deep pools of baby blue
Her entire being radiates

Every time we touch
Feels like I can get no higher
She's more than a flawless face
For she is a soul on fire.


*I stole the last line from a meme

Down by the market, past
The only stop light
We would walk, and talk
Make out all night
Forbidden love
But it felt so right
Go to sleep early
Sneak out all night

The winter was cold
Friction warmed us both
Enough to get naked
Make love in the snow
Until we pocket dialed on
Your old cell phone
2:30 am your mom was home
I wish I could see her face
When she first heard you moan

Havent seen you in years
But this I know
You still smile
Whenever it snows.
If thats true
You're not alone
Because I'm cold as hell
And popping up a bone.

Look inside
it's quite a view
A radiant light
Emits from you

Take a breath
Hold me close to you
I can always find
The light in you

In the mirror
What do I see?
Just a monster
Staring back at me

It has my face
It has my eyes
Only I see
What hides inside

Just a monster

I saw your smile and I was lost
Your beauty puzzled me
My hopelessness tossed
It took some time
But soon we were falling
Inside of me
Emotions we're brawling
So fast and so real
I never knew you were frowning
But when we hit loves ocean
You left me there, drowning.

I will never walk away from you
I'd stand in front of death for you
And if you ever doubt my heart is true
I'll cut it out
To show it to you.

Hundreds of people
In the crowd around me
But I've never felt
More alone

I've spent infinite time
Adrift in solitude
And was forced
To build a home

The storm constantly darkens
Gorging on the light
Inside of me hope
Has given up the fight

I drone through the day
Normal people around me
I paint on a smile
But Inside I'm drowning

We have went different ways
A long, long time ago
Many moons have passed over us
Each one seems to slow

The crickets used to chirp
In the damp, and brisk night air
Now soft weeping, deep breathing
Is all there is to hear

Music used to sooth us
We listened tangled on the bed
Now the notes match the rhythm
But the songs are dead

Instruments collect dust
In the corner on their stand
So close is the Tranquility
But peace is a foreign land

We watched the tear drops form..
On the windows of our cell
Now alone with not but brokenness
You left me in this hell.

I've tried calling
And I've tried texting
I've tried sleeping
No hope of resting

You're on my mind
You're in my dreams
I see the signs but
Don't know what they mean

Am I doomed to love you
When will you ever see
I was meant for you
And you were meant for me.

Close your eyes and picture this
While love yet exists on our lips
The future ahead, the road behind
Make your choice..
But don't make it blind

So many memories we've left to make
Possible life we may yet create
With so much possible we could do..
You can do it without me..
But it would be hollow without you

So while you ponder your next step
While my palms shake, covered in sweat
As i drop to my knees and ask you this
Would you be the one
Yo fulfill my wish

In this life the next, forever after
Would you complete my life with laughter
Would you be down to ride or die
If so accept this ring
And be my bride.

Last night I was weak
I locked myself away
Confined and secluded

Memories from my past
Began bombarding me
I could not take
Being drug back there

I grabbed a bottle
Started taking shots
Alone in the dark
Angry and hysterical

Not even God
Can save me
From the abuse
I always endure

Only I can fix me
But I have given up
Life is ******* everyone
But I have had enough.

Don't cry for me
You left me
I don't need your winds
Of pity
To set sail
On this sea
I propell
Soley on misery.

Every time I close my eyes
Memories like to **** me
My slumber is so dark
Nothing can awake me

Shadows fill the void..
A deep and empty well
And somewhere at the bottom
Rolling is Adele.

Somebody help me I can't breathe
I find myself cowering
On my knees

I reach out earnestly begging please
I've never asked for help..
It's foreign to me

You're all marching by too blind to see
I am human too..
******* notice me.

She walks through the corridors of my mind
Leaving nothing but longing behind
My god how could I have been so blind
Not to see this woman in front of me..
The entire time.

Forget the past
To find the present..

Neglect the present
Lose the future

Mistakes in past
Regret in present

And only misery
Is in your future.

As dry as the desert
As light as a feather
I will hold you close
In my arms forever

She took my breath away
Then she stole me heart
She told me I was everything
Then she tore me apart

Spent days months and years
Putting myself back together
But there's fissures in my confidence
Wounds that last forever

Told me so many lies
I am hidden from the truth
A storm is brewing violently
And I have a leaky roof..

Still again I find myself
Staring deep into her eyes
Still a pawn under her spell
Alive again inside.

Break me down, watch me burn
Light the fire, make me learn

Ive been bad, I can't fake it
Its gunna hurt, but I can take it

Sew my eyes shut, cut out my tounge
Bind my legs, so I can't run

Heart's still beating, not sure why
Hanging by a thread, why can't I die?

Tunnel vision sets, a white light.. no..
I'm falling through hell
With a long way to go.

Lately, I've been down
Lost inside my mind
Probe deep.. dig deeper
I'm sure you will find

Alone and, misguided
Roaming through heart
It looks good, peaceful
But deep inside it falls apart

I know not, where I'm off to
But I know all too well
Ill always, be alone
In my heart's lonesome cell.

Don't tell me you don't like it
When I pull your hair
Don't tell me you don't like it
When I act like I don't care
Your vacant stare shows the truth
You disguise behind your eyes
The ecstacy I give to you
As shallow as your lies.

My father
Who art in new York
Hallowed and most likely drunk
My car broke down
My gas tank empty
In new York as it is at home
Give me this day
My daily ration
Of distaste and dismay
Forgive me for my ignorance
As I forgive those as ignorant as you
Lead me away not in the ways of you
Deliver me from seed

My blood pressure rises
With each reciprocating motion
Her perfect body makes
As she draws back the bow
To fire the arrow
Of me.

Am I alone? Does anyone see?
What's become of our "democracy"?
Withholding truths.. spewing lies
Sacrificing countless lives
Americans starving in our streets..
But providing enemies with guns and meat..
A handful of people acting as god
Keep society lethargic.. and nothing is flawed
Build it, destroy it.. rinse and repeat
The few count they're money, and refuse to retreat
Political scandals.. crash of the dollar
They yank the leash, we wear the collar
You do as your told, blind by the bliss
But if you took five minutes if you could resist..
The fast cars and money, the ridiculous media
The star struck obsession the news like to feed ya
Just put down your cell phone and open your eyes
Our country is collapsing.. and society's blind..
Your vote doesn't matter they know the selection
Dead people voted!!! When bush won election
I guess with all this **** running through my head..
As this election nears I am filled with dread..
Mischievous candidates.. propaganda overloaded
Tell me who'd be the President?
If nobody voted?

He who fishes
In his neighbors well
Only catches *****.

When life gives you lemons..
Make lemonade..
When life gives you ****..
Fertilize your garden.

I used to play the game
She loves me.. she loves me not
Now a pile of rotting pedals
Is all that I have got.

The only thing worse
Than being alone
Is being alone together.

What happened to the time
When love was
Always and forever..

Seems a different life
Was the last time
We gazed into each others eyes

But in fact
I stare into those
Light brown eyes
Every night.

I just wonder
If I ever cross your mind.