I had a dream about you again
And I don't know what to do.

Because now I feel stuck
Between heart and reality
Between you and him
Between soul and mind.

I know I love you
I know I want to be with you
But I'm not sure if we can
I will fight if you fight
But love only works if we're both willing to make it work
If we're both willing to fight.

I love you
More than you'll ever know
But you have to be willing
And I know you used to be
But I'm asking you a favour
And that's to fight one more time
For me
And I for you.

Because you're my one love
Soul mate
Best friend
True love
And I miss you.

And I wish that I was writing a poem
While laying next to you
In our big king bed
In our house
And that poem would be about us
About how happy I would be
Because you're the only person I can see myself with.

But then I woke up
And still no text back
No call
No anything
And that's when I realized I really am in love with you
Because I loved you no less
And I want you to be happy.

I know you're with her
You know I'm with him
But we'll meet again one day
And start from scratch
And hopefully then we can live happily ever after

Dear dad,

       You said it's always the female's fault if she's ever *****. You said they ask for it. You said they deserve it. You said females shouldn't expect anything less at night.

       Well dad, I was *****. I was eighteen and it was my manager. I never asked for this. He said we would just have lunch together. Yes dad, it was in the middle of the day. I was just being nice. I was just trying to make a new friend at work.

       But dad, I was stripped of my clothes and my dignity. I was forced to do something that I didn't want to do. I said stop. He didn't listen. I started crying, and all he said was "shhh."

       So dad, your youngest daughter was ***** at eighteen. I'm the only child you have left and I was *****. I am your daughter. I am your priority. I am your dependent. I am your blood. I am your family. I am your little girl but I disagree with you. I didn't deserve this, I never asked for this, and this is certainly not my fault.

       But you'll never know. Because I could never tell you.

Dad,

       I told you about my friend who was *****
       I said she was only eighteen
       I said she was scared and didn't know who to talk to
       I told you she felt sad and unsafe
       "She was ***** by her manager"
       "He gave her an STD and doesn't know what to do"

       You told me she had it coming
       You told me she deserved it
       You called her a **** and a ******
       You said she was immature and naive
       You said her parents must not be there for her

But dad, that friend was me

       I was ***** at eighteen
       I am scared and have no one to talk to
       I am sad and feel unsafe
       It was my manager
       He gave me chlamydia and I don't know what to do

And dad, you're wrong

       I didn't have it coming
       I didn't deserve this
       I'm not a **** or a ******
       I'm not immature or naive

Except, dad, you're right about one thing

       My parents aren't there for me

To my future daughter,


       I'll be there when you learn how to crawl, stand and eventually walk.

       I'll be there when you start preschool, kindergarten, high school and university.

       I'll be there when you lose your first tooth and when you lose your last.

       I'll be there when you need help with your homework and choosing a career path.

       I'll be there when you have your first crush, first kiss, and first love.

       I'll be there when you have your first heartbreak and your last.

       I'll be there when you just need to cry, talk, or even just hug.

       I'll be there when you graduate high school and when you graduate university.

       I'll be there when you're moving boxes and furniture into your own place.

       I'll be there when you get engaged and I'll be there in the pew looking at my beautiful daughter get married.

       I'll be there when you move into your own house and when you can't carry all the boxes.

       I'll be there when  you have your first child and your last.

       I'll be there when you just want to go out for some breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

       I'll be there whenever you want, wherever you want, and however you want.



       To my beautiful daughter,

       I'll be there.

i don’t know what to do
soon this will all be gone
it will just be me
and all of my thoughts

i won’t be able to hear my sisters
talking in the next room over
or hear my dad swearing
in my ear

i will miss waking up to the sun stretching out
over the field
and i won’t  hear the birds singing
on my window sill

my mornings will be just me
no sister
no father
and no boyfriend

no more loud music
or sister dates
no more morning tv
and no more driving around town

i can no longer cry myself to sleep
or keep my journal by my bed
i can’t pretend to sing
or write any more of my songs

i can’t go to my sisters house
in just 20 minutes
or see my brother
in just 30

i am going from a house
filled with family
to a room
of just me

i won’t hear my sisters laughing
or making stupid jokes
i won’t hear my sisters invite me
to hang out with them

i won’t be able to call my boyfriend
and make plans for that day
because while he is staying
i am moving

it will be a change
a change that I’m not yet ready for
but things could be worse
i just need to keep my head up high

and remember
four years isn’t that long
because four years from now
i will already be back home

i'm a **** up
i guess we'll just start there
i pushed all my friends away
and now i have no one

i spend my days off sitting on my bed alone wondering where the **** i went wrong
how did i stray so far from the path
and how the **** do i get back?

i let everyone down
without even meaning too
but more importantly,
i let myself down the most

i didn't think any of this would happen
but i guess thats where the main problem lies
i didn't think

i wasn't prepared
and i wasn't myself
i did what i thought i wanted
and neglected my friends and my priorities in the process

I'm always trying to live up to the standards
that are my sisters
but **** do i ever feel lost

for once i wanted to be known and appreciated
but wow be careful for what you wish for
because i was definitely known
but for all the wrong reasons

I've learned my lesson
but theres still many more to come
i just wish i didn't lose everyone so fast

yes, i still make really stupid decisions
and i really wish i didn't
but thats why I'm a **** up
because i do the same thing over and over even after knowing how it will end

im going into overdraft
i dont care anymore
i hate being safe
i just want to get **** done
and over with
im so sick of following the rules
and listening to your lectures
i know
i know
i know
i just dont care
dont you get it
im losing myself
a lecture wont save me
but listening might
but you never listen
which is why i lost all faith
im going to do what i want now
because im so sick of trying to please you
you can never be pleased
i can never make you proud
you never wanted me anyways
im just gum on your shoe
and youre just everything to me
so im going into overdraft
because im sick of trying
nothing ever works out anyways
and i know i wont be here for much longer anyways
so **** it
im done
im doing what i want
and thats final