Perfunctory affections showered on me are hollow and devoid of the essence that can mend the wounds. The pouring rain of promises do not quench my endless thirst. All hopes are demolished in a phrase, all flames are smothered, the fragile sky falls, everything is undone.  The dusty remnants are scattered on the inconsistent gale. Tomorrow cannot erase today, nor yesterday's slaughtering of a spirit.  Culpability is not so simply repressed or forgotten, particularly while the corpse of all that was still sits rotting in your lap. Gently whispered beckoning to life cannot stir the spark for only intense electricity can reignite the broken heart.

Sitting in a silence that seems unbreakable, the montage of images of moments of my life flash before my minds eye.

Life's triumphs and tragedies dancing to the beat of a warrior's heart remind me of my strength and determination.

Once again the time has come to revisit the battleground and resume the fight against the microscopic enemies who seek to destroy me.

My greatest weapon is love, it gives me the strength to carry on, the will to struggle against the odds, to triumph once again.

Carry on.

Carelessly chosen words flung through the air, stabbing into my heart. The jagged tips dipped in the venom of your seething rage. Penetrating echoes of the words fill my mind, echoing without fading away, the poison seeping into my veins. I stood before you as solid as stone, unwavering, seemingly unaware of the on-set of death. I turned without any further words and walked away, each step carrying me further into a state of apparent numbness, not a tear fell.

To you I am strong, you believe I'm fine, unshakable, the epitome of steadiness. You are blind.

As I escaped your view, surpassed your ear's range, the unearthly howl of agony found its voice. I fell to my knees from the searing pain as my heart broke. The tears came so fast and hard that it was just a stream of water flowing from my eyes. The air seemed unwilling to fill my lungs. I lay there dying the death of the heart while the mind and body are forced to carry on.

You are gone, forever gone, never again to return to me. The hope that you would find your way back to me, that there you would stay, erased indefinitely. The snake has spoken, the damage is done, a life is forever altered, I have become undone.

The sun drops so slowly, the lingering wisps of clouds are ablaze. I lift my eyes to the sky, setting the fiery array. Red, orange, purple, pink, and blue. The first stars are appearing, the sliver of the moon. And in that glorious moment of seemingly impenetrable peace, the silent glory is shattered as your face comes to me.

I once stood here on a lovely evening like this, with your arms wrapped around me, the breeze whispering in the trees. I felt so very certain that I had received God's greatest gift, a love so pure, heaven sent, my soul in bliss.

Now I stand here mourning , missing all that I once held so dear. All was an illusion and has been displaced by fear. In this aching soul, no matter how hard you tried, you could never strip away God's eternally abiding light. Although I may be injured by all of your darkness and hate, my soul cannot be truly broken, for my faith and light remain.

In the name of God we come undone. Violence justified, theology under the gun. Microscopic dissection of every word, while the underlying truths go unheard. Brothers and sisters are at odds, implanting hatred, unraveling the innocence. Venomous bites poison the soul, in all of this quarreling, we've lost our love, forgotten our purpose, with blindness we are overcome. See the good in your brothers, sisters share your heavenly peace, nurture your children to freely live and love in peace.

Going down in a violent flame,
Hindenburg is this loves name,
Everything finally seemed so right,
Lying together in love every night,
Dancing in the heavens in the sun,
The blossoming of true love had finally begun,
Aloft and reaching cruising hight,
Everything about you seemed so right,
Then in a flash the burning had ensued,
My boundless trust became subdued,
Volatile clouds choked the life from me,
I lost sight of the horizon and all that would be,
The final moments if destruction looming,
The rose of our love was artificially booming,
Consumed by the fire you lit with one match,
I must let go and not let my heart attach,
For now I through scorched eyes,
Everything you pledged were glaring lies,
And now in my final moments I'm falling,
Crashing and burning, death comes, heaven is calling.

Into the darkness I bellow words of love and life.

Beyond the reach of your ears I howl in pain at your rejection.

Into the abyss I have thrown myself, determine to explore its depths.

The fear is there in the background, chattering endlessly about the fruitlessness and futility of my quest.

But I will find you again, I will hold your hand, I will warm your soul with my own.

I will quench the fire that Sears you from within and replace the emptiness with the light of love.

To you trust, hope, faith, and finally, peace will be gifted.

In my embrace you will find rest and I will lovingly hold you with tenderness, wipe away you last tears, and spread a smile on your lips with kisses of heaven's love upon your brow.

In this world of chaos and destruction, we are the messengers, the givers, the servants. We carry God's love for you and deliver it daily.  If only you will stop and open your eyes to us as we stand before you with our arms outstretched.

Come let me give you what is yours to have.

Ashamed that I let you keep ripping apart my heart, ashamed of the bruises I had to hide,
Ashamed of the way I have to move now to hide the fact that I am in so much pain.

Try to hide behind a smile the tears that are nearly drowning me.  She is so bright and cheerful with a kind word or a helping hand.

Will someone please come save me? I'm drowning in quick sand.

The abuse of my heart and my  mind was hard enough to bear, but now you are damaging me outwardly too and I'm ashamed of the treatment I continue to bear for the hope of your love.

The weight of it has crushed my hopes and dreams of us and all you said you would be.
I have laid my all on the line, loving you beyond all reason, waiting for things to change, to be tenderly loved and trusted.

I am a fool and everyone  would judge me harshly if they could see the damaged me I let myself become because of my love for you.

Always in love, trustworthy and scared that one day I'll have to leave it all behind.

My one great love a memory of what could have been but never will be, because you won't love, cherish and trust in me.

A twisted game we play each day, month after month, and now year after year.

The game of your favorite elementary school bully who played till it brought you to tears.

You leap and you jump with all of your might to get the treasure back, and when you find yourself still empty handed, you cannot hold the tears back.

Frustration and anger, disappointment and pain, as your bully laughs in your face and continues his game.

This game has gone on for two long years, I have cried far too many tears as you play your twisted little game.

Although you are amused at how I leap, jump and beg for your heart which you dangle above my head, this game is heartbreaking and I'm am weary.

I won't keep playing keep away and finding myself, the only one truly in love, broken and teary.

Tenderly embrace me in your arms and let me feel sheltered from the storm for a moment, just a moment please.

Caress me with your fingertips as your love for me rushes through them and over my body, so I can feel worth your while.

Can you kiss me with a passion that melts me where I stand from the fire I have ignited in your soul.

Can you look into my eyes with sincerity as you tell me that you love me so I can trust that it's true.

Hold my hand for a lifetime, touch my soul with your own, and to you I will give my all till the end of a lifetime is here.

I will only let go to hand you to the angels and wait to come follow you home.

Please please!

One day you will love someone with a depth that will rattle your soul. She will proclaim her love for you too and promise you a love full of faithfulness, patience, understanding, respect, reciprocation and appreciation of the gift that you are giving to her.

But in a couple of months karma steps in and her mask will fall away. You will be faced with your twin and will be dealt a hand specially laid for the unforgiven.

You felt no true remorse for the agony you caused me, the one who gave you the gift you reserved for this pretender. You returned only cruelty, hate, and anger.

Now that your heart is finally opened and you have put your all on the line; your heart will surely be broken as she returns each of your sins against the one whose love was pure and true.

This demon will repeatedly deceive you as she cheats on you so very many times. And with each subsequent affair,  your tenderly exposed heart will shatter, you will remember when you did the same to me.

With every lie, abuse and every manipulation, when her venomous nature literally brings you to your knees, maybe you will then remember and finally understand how you almost killed me.

I hope one day after all of this you're not lying in a hospital bed, in agony and your heart so literally broken that you are saying your final good bye and thinking of all the you dreamt of with her, she doesn't abandon you to die like you did to me.

I wish that you would discover right now that my love is pure and honest and I am broken by your selfish heart. That you will feel the real love that you need to so you truly understand just what you've done and feel real remorse and change it before I have to move on.

Only then can you avoid the karma that will seek to make you come undone.

I see your face in my mind, it smiles at me much more often there. Your countenance in that moment I long to produce with my efforts to bring you joy everyday.

I dwell on the feeling of your rare touch and the softness of your voice in that moment of tenderness. How I dream of a day when this will be a frequent experience.

I remember the smell your skin from each night that I embrace and caress you from your head to your feet, how sweet your scent is as I lay in the curve of your waist and drag my nails across your thighs.

In my mind you are always in love with me, you never doubt it or deny it, I am never rejected and I am safe. This makes me smile until my cheeks plea for mercy.

I wish for the circumstances of us that I treasure in my mind to be the reality of us. For there is where my greatest love, who abandoned me so long ago, after a brief introduction can be found. I momentarily get to see his smile, feel his loving and tender embrace, hear his sweet voice proclaim his never-ending love for me....and in a moment he is gone and again I must wait what seems an eternity, for his miraculous return. Enduring the punishment until I see you again. I miss you.

Uncertainty is laughing in my mind, teasing me with the possibility that your reach for me is only to keep me from going before you find my replacement.
It catches my breath in a net of anxiety, telling me that the pounding in my chest is the broken heart that will be further shattered soon enough.
Am I playing the part of an absolute fool?
Should I have just listened when you told me I was nothing to you?
Around and around I am spun, I am in love with you and you are to be mine til death, no I'm not it was just a ploy because I want you to stay close.
All the benefits of a marriage without the fidelity commitment and intimacy, this was your request.
Now you tell me that was not true, and promise to open yourself to the love in your heart and show me the truth.
A promise I've heard a thousand times before only to have brief relief.
Once before I heard this same thing from you, never was in love, made love to keep you convinced but never meant any of it, you abandoned your woman and your unborn son.
Upon your return you said you never meant it, you were just panicking, but here you have brought it up again.
Claiming that it was my fault for not listening to you then, but I did listen.
I listened so hard it nearly killed us both and only one survived.
But I also listened to all of you're proclamations of love and devotion that followed.
I listened to you speak of our union as one, or future together, I listened carefully as you described a home filed with unity, loyalty and love.
I heard and I listened carefully as you started to speak in we, us, and our.
Here we are again the ferris wheel has come full circle with the same dropping feeling in the pit of my stomach as you obliterate all that I thought was pure and true only to say you didn't mean it.
From the second I decided to give you one more chance, my heart and mind are screaming at me, "you fool!" My soul is screaming and begging not to suffer any more damage. I am terrified that that is the truth and this is the lie, that you don't want to do it but you have not found someone to take my place to feed your ego.
May God have mercy and let the real truth be known and his will be done so that I can plant my feet on solid earth. I am waiting, I am watching, I am horrified at the possibility that this is all wrong..

I want to love you with reckless abandon, no concerns of betrayal, no doubt about your love for me, no fear of ultimate rejection.

I want to hold you close, feel the warmth of your body, listen to the slow beat of your heart, knowing it is filled with love for me.

I want to traverse the seemingly endless expanse of your mind, vanquishing your doubts, fears, and sadness.

I want to shed light on the darkest recesses of your soul and vigorously trample the evil that haunts you, I want to set you free.

I desire with all my soul to bring you peace, joy, and comfort.

I beg God for the opportunity to show you the sweetness of life, to endlessly kiss your lips with the nectar of unconditional love.

I beg for your heart to open and accept me, all of me, without any hesitation.

May I be so blessed that you will love me this deeply and freely. Let me live in your heart my sweet angel, show me you love me, and I will bring you all I am and all I ever will be.

I ask you for a smile and you hand me a crushing blow.
I turn to you for comfort from the pain you have caused in hopes that you will embrace me and erase the tear stains from my face, you run a blade of anger and bitterness in my heart.
And then, for only a moment, you will reach to me with the promise of love, you are in need of love, support and encouragement.
I will not hesitate to freely give it, even knowing that you will turn savage once again and devour the heart that lifted you up.
I hear your voice please to me for patience, understanding and guidance; all of which are immediately delivered and once you feel result you decide I need to be punished for loving you.
I offer you repeated opportunities to quiet the raging storm of agony and anger, but I am struck until I bleed for being so arrogant to assume that I could help you with love.
If you loved me you would stop whipping my already shredded skin and heal my wounds with the love and peace you keep promising......some day.
I beg you for mercy and give you unconditional love, and your response?
Ultimate rejection coupled with one more emotional assault.
Have I not bled enough? Are there not enough gaping wounds in my soul?
Where is your heart burried that you refuse to see me lying weeping on the floor asking for mercy and only for you to accept my heart and me?
How is it that you could find my soul's deepest desire insufficient?
I mourn the death of my hopes for us, and have only dreams left of the man I fell in love with.
Broken