it all started at one dinner

"all of that is for you?"
"how can you eat so much?"
"are you sure you want all of that?"

was it wrong for me to eat what i wanted to?
i remember looking at my plate
i left it untouched the rest of the dinner
i thought it would never happen again
but again i was attacked with words

"girls dont stay skinny forever you know"
"you are going to get fat, stop eating"
"do you want to be fat?"

i was confused
had i done something wrong?
where was all this coming from?
what do you want me to do?

the tv made it worse

"look at how skinny she is"
"no wonder she has a husband"
"her child will be just as beautiful as her"

i curled into a ball ashamed of myself
why were you telling me this?
why were you being so mean?
how do i fix things between us?

i had stopped eating
the emptiness in my stomach no longer hurt
water was my only meal each day
my sleepless nights were filled with crying

"dont eat that"
"not that either, you have to stay skinny"
"you can go with one less meal"

my friends didnt know
they knew i didnt eat alot
but he knew right away
he knew something was wrong

"hey do you want this slice?" the pizza was put in front of me
one look at it and i was crying
"are you okay? whats wrong?"
i pushed the slice away and left

he was silent at first
he knew to give me my space
but you didnt
no you were still there beside me

"look what you did fat girl"
"you know skinny girls dont act stupid"
"what a fat freak"

when i finally told him what was wrong he smiled

"those are lies and you know it"
"you are so beautiful"
"you are stronger than those words"

and since then the words didnt hurt as much when you said them
sure you kept saying it
and you still do today
but i know that i am beautiful
my best friend had said so and he never lies

you cant hurt me anymore

...
     "This isn't who you are."

    "You're not the girl I used to know."

   "I don't know who you've become."

He repeats these lines
So much these days
It annoys me more than
A broken record ever could
Ever should
Ever would
Cause I told him
I warned him thoroughly

     "I'm not nice."

    "You won't like the real me."

   "I'm not worth fighting for."

But he didn't listen
He filled my head with empty
Promises that he meant
He filled my heart with hollow
Vows that he could never fulfill

     "How can a person be so cold?"

    "How can a lady be so cruel?"

   "How can you change so fast?"

He looks hurt and
I hurt a little
But I shut down
Cause that's what I always do

     "I'm nefarious, lover."

    "Had my heart broken a few times."

   "Now it's made of stone."

We are the ones who are hard to understand
We'll be the last ones in the movie theatre
because the ending scene made us cry
We'll stop to smell the roses
because they deserve to be appreciated
We are the ones who will take the time
to learn what keeps you up at night
We are the ones who will imagine
an entire future of adventures
with the people who show us love

We are the ones who will love you more
than we love ourselves
We will give you our strongest parts
in hopes that we can make things better
We desire to see you become the best you
to make sure that you always feel our love
We crave affection and appreciation
We give a piece of ourselves away every day
sometimes to people who don't deserve it
Our love is easy to take advantage of
and sometimes we don't get back
the love that we give away

When we hurt, we crumble and fall apart
We constantly have to put ourselves back together
We are more fragile than we like to give off
We carry our emotions on our sleeves
Our flaws have the ability to consume us
We aren't afraid to give you the world
but we are afraid to feel unloved
We want you to see what we see
We want you to understand where we're coming from

We are good people with good intentions
We are stronger than we believe
Not everyone can feel the way we feel
We feel too much, too often
We are not hard to love
We are something not everyone knows how to love
But you need to remember that
your worth does not change just because
no one is there to appreciate you, to remind you

You are not any less lovable
You are the most lovable person in the world
You are a light that the world needs
Your kindness is not your weakness
You do not need to change for anyone's acceptance
You do not need to stop giving love
just because you don't get any back
Your heart is the best thing about you

And one day when you least expect it
someone will notice you from across the room
and know exactly how to love you
They will think all of these things are beautiful
They will deserve the love you can give
They will fill the empty space in your heart
But for now, don't stop feeling
We are the ones who feel everything so deeply
We are the ones who can't give up because
We are the ones who will teach the world
how to love

I try to make other people feel loved
Because I really do love them
I think that humans are wonderful
But then I turn around and say
I don't deserve love because
I'm broken and messed up
Well so is everyone I've ever met
And I still love them
All the same
So why do I think I don't deserve love?
Even if I didn't deserve it
Would it be so wrong if someone loved me
All the same?

people never understand that love is temporary,
like the sharpie drawings i drew on your skin

love always finds a way to leave,
like the way the water turned gray from the ink

but love lingers in our memories,
just like the way the ink stayed like a ghost on your skin