“This is my last time”,
I said 4 times ago
As I paint my brittle fingernails
Red with blood

Where is the defeat
when you are still standing
firmly on your two feet?

Backward into time there was another me
I was solitary but brave and sure
my finger stretched out to the edge of eternity
life was instant glory---pain I'd not have to endure-

the years spoke later:  how fragile is beauty
for love that's vanished, where's the true cure?
lost innocence weeps to last for a century
the waters left to drink have all become impure.

We sat on the porch watching stars,
the night was supple and warm;
Into the sky we sent our dreams,
being mesmerized by its charms.

Next door a record played aloud,
a song we'd never known;
While holding hands we hummed along,
and the music became our own.

A blissful evening of deepest love,
began with just one kiss;
It seemed our dreams had come alive,
with heartfelt joy we dare not miss.

And as the notes floated through the air,
we exchanged a solemn vow;
To dance through life as husband and wife,
while remembering the 'here and now'.

It was many and many a year ago,
  In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
  By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
  Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
  In this kingdom by the sea:
But we loved with a love that was more than love—
  I and my ANNABEL LEE;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
  Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
  In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
  My beautiful ANNABEL LEE;
So that her highborn kinsmen came
  And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
  In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
  Went envying her and me—
Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,
  In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
  Chilling and killing my ANNABEL LEE.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
  Of those who were older than we—
  Of many far wiser than we—
And neither the angels in heaven above,
  Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
  Of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
  Of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE;
And the stars never rise but I see the bright eyes
  Of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,
  In her sepulchre there by the sea—
  In her tomb by the side of the sea.

It’s the kind of sadness where your rib cage
Contorts
And twists and
Snaps.

Depression doesn’t float through my veins
It crawls through my bones, with dagger hands
And winding movements.

I cannot breathe.

And yet there was nothing taken from me.

Shadows slink over my shoulder,
Whispering in my ear.
They tell of promises,
Spoken by the wicked night.

Black tendrils slowly wrap around me,
Around my wrists, and my neck,
Squeezing and tightening.
I can hardly breathe.

Where did I put my candle?
My ethereal light in this cascading dark....
But alas-
It seems I have no flame left within