It takes 1,000 words
To keep a secret
The world was supposed to be
perfect
When I was with you
My life shattered around me
While I held your image together
I was your final step
The last tool you needed to complete yourself I blamed myself for never
Being assertive enough
But what if I wasnt man enough
I didnt want to be hospitilized
Like the others
or worse be left alive
Continued to be tomrmented everyday by those I trusted
While you sat on that bus
lying to me

Why does it still hurt
To hear your name
I see your now active online again
Yet you spent the extra time to make sure
I know we aren’t family anymore
Why does it hurt
To see you hanging up lights
Outside your apartment
Why do I want to apologize
When there’s nothing to apologize for
I want you to message me
Saying you never meant it
Telling me I’m still your son
That you still want to hold me
Maybe it’s the end
I just wish it didn’t have to be

I didn’t know who you were
You knew who I was
Covered in old wounds that refuse to heal
I wish I knew
You were slowly picking at them
Watching them bleed
You were my second mom
The one who was supposed to be better
I guess I’m supposed to thank you
For the year I got to spend in lies
Thinking things got better with time
But now I know the truth
It doesn’t get better
So why do we keep fighting for this goal that we never reach
I wish I had known
I should have known

I wanted to write you a letter that you may never receive so I could let all the words you need to hear no longer be trapped in my head. It seems all those who have encountered you have the same problem as me. You seem to always stay around when it’s convenient for you. When you leave it feels like something is missing your words become mine the thoughts you planted in my mind never seem to leave. They may be my thoughts perhaps I convinced myself you were the one at fault. Expecting you to apologize or at least say goodbye but every time you leave I’m left holding on to a piece of you waiting to see you again so I can return it. It seems you're always out of reach but close enough to let me know I’m with you. Maybe that is for the best. Shall we keep social distancing or shall we hold each other once again? You showed your true colors, am I willing to accept your faults and let you lie to me again? I know the right choice but it takes courage and energy that I have not obtained. Does that force me to take the wrong one or do I just sit in this limbo forever? This letter may never reach you. If it does please tell me the right choice because it seems I don’t have the answers.

Yours truly,
                  Fry

Isn’t this supposed to be everyone’s favorite time of the year
Vibrant red orange and yellow leaves sprinkling the ground and covering the trees
Blueish gray skies causing a nice contrast to the leaves
Aren’t people are supposed to rake the leaves into a large pile and jump into it preparing for when the piles of snow arrive
I was always to afraid to jump into them never knowing what lay below the leaves

I knew I shouldn’t have gotten attached to you
But I did
You left me behind so fast
Like I was nothing more than a coping mechanism
I should have known better
But I’ll still sit waiting patiently for the day you need me again

Picking up a pack of
32
Using it all in less than a week
Yet you still thought it was fine
To take a break and leave me alone
Because you felt to much responsibility
I can’t keep blaming you
I should have never trusted
That you could be the person
You promised to be
I should have known you would leave