You wanted something beautiful.
I wanted something hideous.
You wanted something light and flowery.
I wanted everything deep and heavy
Where at the very most
We could sit in soaking gardens
As the moths flew about us.
You wanted something lovely and normal.
I longed for us to be sick animals,
Near death, panting for breath
As we clutch each other in bed
Sinking in to an eternal sleep.
I wanted disease.
You wanted laughter and joy.
All I wanted was to weep together.
You hoped for sweet good nights,
Romantic love,
And a kiss with both the moon and the sun.
I ached for dirt beneath my nails,
Who is God?,
And the raw no touch of ***.
I destroyed something that could have been good.
I did not want good.
I wanted the yells, the bites, the fights--
Everything ugly.
Everything hideous.
How could you want so much beauty?
You promised you would never hurt me.
But that was all I wanted.
I wanted you to make me bleed,
And allow me five days to lick my wounds in the corner.
You wanted a fluffy tale out of a story book.
While I desired to be the tormented poet who wrote the books.
I hated everything you wanted.
You loved unconditionally.
You sought someone to make you whole,
Someone to complete you.
I wished to be broken,
Accepting of another,
So long as we were never anything more
Than two empty shells upon the beach,
Beside each other,
Yet hopeful and anxious to be swept away forever
By the cold black sea.