They wanted what was whole but couldn't have it all
So they took pieces instead.

And when they came back for another,
they came to realize there was nothing left.

Such hot tears, that sizzle and evaporate
as they drip off the sides of hot cheeks.

Mist slowly rising off my shoulders,
out and off my head, and down my arms and legs.

Smokey fog swarming me from the humidity that begins to emit in the room from the heat.

Anger that boils blood
Now secreting through the skin
Through sweat and tears.

I clench my jaw, cemented shut, and squeeze my eyes tight.
Hoping to wring out all the pain and anger through the tear ducts.

Juice it to salty pulp.

Such hot tears pooled on top of burning cheeks.
Turning into hot springs.

One of the warmest things I have felt

In such a long time.

I hear a lofty siren's song that often calls to me.

A voice that sings like fae in Spring.

A voice that sounds like Destiny.

Even though I hear it ring,
Somehow I know,
This goes beyond the sea.

To stars far away,
Other world's the human eyes may
Have never seen.

Angelic tones, calling home
My aching soul.

I take small shy footsteps,
Come what may.
Let's hope trying to be brave,
Leads the way.

I sometimes wonder if it was fated.

Maybe it is my job to be the evil one now.

Maybe we were meant to switch roles this way

And I was meant to experience this pain, this empty, this hatred

For everything for being nothing I ever wanted.

Lately I find myself stopping and wondering,

"Did you feel this way too? Behind closed doors and in your waking every day life, were you also consumed by this?
Have you wanted to be better but every day become
Jeckle and Hyde even though you didn't want to?
Did you experience the loneliness?
The distance? The fear? The panic?
The pure hell that is this existence?!"

Sometimes I really do wonder.
Sometimes I get curious enough to want to ask.
Sometimes I am really glad I can't ask when the moment sparks
because that means opening a whole new door,

Building a whole new bridge again
And DEAR GOD how it hurt growing up and watching the ones
I put so much work into get blown apart, repeatedly set ablaze by the dynamite you set off again and again and I just watched.
Like a child who just had their tower of blocks pushed over
I watched my bridge constantly decimated by fire, as each piece fell into the moat you built around your castle that you built around yourself to continue to waste away like the skeleton King you are
as you whisper your last breath, "You never really loved me."

Now look at you.
King of Nothing.

Who had a skeleton princess who swiped away her father's ashes from the gold laced throne and she took his place.
She dies waiting for her Prince that will never come
because she simply won't let down the draw bridge.

Is it normal to have old dreams past slosh from side to side in your head?

A sea of old memories that were never real,

Yet you remember them sometimes better than the ones you collected from everyday reality.

Is it normal to have your mind somewhere in space?

Or possibly it fell out and down the drain instead,

Maybe it is sinking to the bottom of the ocean by now.

But seriously,

I don't know where I am.

Walking between worlds.

I feel so spacey.
Like I'm falling and there is nothing to hold onto.

Like there's a cannon ball
Rolling. . . side to side. . . and side to side in my head. . .

Is it all my thoughts that I could never make sense
now condensed?

Weighing me down further into the silent void.

The Emptiness, the stillness, the calm. . .

People talk of these things like they are comforting

But to me I feel like dry bones walking around,

Dead inside both in heart, and in head.