To the one who loves her next,

She doesn’t believe in killing things. So next time you want to squish a spider and she yells in refusal, don’t tell her she’s overreacting. Let her pick it up and release it outside peacefully. Otherwise, she’ll feel guilty for hours.

She is a total textbook introvert. She won’t reply for hours and sometimes you won’t see her for a week. You might take this personally. Don’t. She’s simply taking care of herself and she’ll tell you how much she missed you while she was away (most likely at 3 am).

She won’t get very jealous. But don’t take this as a sign of not caring. She does, she just respects people’s space and trusts you. However, don’t break this trust or you will never regain it back.

On a related note, make sure you trust her too. Most of her friends are guys that she will want to hangout with, sometimes without you there. Do not act suspicious or controlling, this is how you will lose her. No one comes before her friends. (Except her dog).

She is the most independent woman I know. But this doesn’t mean she won’t want affection. Let her know you love her. Kiss her forehead. Write her letters, cute notes, and texts. She will notice and will keep all of them in a box specifically designated for you. At this point you should know you’re special to her.

Remember the way she takes her coffee and go out to coffee shops together every now and then. She enjoys the atmosphere and finds it relaxing.

When she’s having an anxiety attack, wrap her up in your arms and rub her back. Tell her she’s safe and remind her that she has medication if she needs it.

Go on adventures with her. Anywhere and everywhere. Her craving for exploration is high, and needs someone willing to tag along. Or even better, show her new places she hasn’t been to. It’s something she will never forget.

Watch documentaries with her, and read her favorite books. It’s a great way to understand her better, because words and feelings aren’t her forte.

If you cannot do these things, let someone else. That girl deserves the world. She will love you with all she’s got. Please give her the same.

Give her your all and she’ll return the favor. You will never have to ask the universe for anything ever again.

Over time I transitioned from books to drugs.
I used both for the same reason:

to escape.

You are a beautiful garden of flowers.

Don't allow anyone to pick your blossoms

until you're watered,

healthy,

and become full bloom.

You broke my heart, and
it was the catalyst for
self-love and healing

You used to spell my name with a smiley face in the C.

When I see that you still do sometimes
my heart sinks like a pebble thrown in your favorite lake,

            skipped across the waters surface,

                                         suddenly heavy again

                                                             with gravity and grief.

Many nights ago we chewed over the saddest words we knew:

                                   almost and maybe.


We almost made it work,
   but maybe it's best left at just that.


You were the best almost I  maybe ever had.

I am not the Sun
or the Moon,
but rather the North Star
that offers a glimpse of light when the sky is dark.
Long enough
until the Sun comes back around
for a bright, new day.

I ripped out and crumpled up the pages of our unfinished story.

After letting them lay untouched in the dark corner of my closet for months,

I picked them up, dusted the bad memories off, and flattened the wrinkles as much as I could.

It’s time for me to pick up the pen again, and write a new tale with a happy ending

In my life I’ve loved several people who have been fires

And when I say fires, I don’t mean that sappy ******* like igniting a spark in me that fueled happiness and joy -

No. They were the fires that destroy entire forests, scorching anything in its path once lit.

At first I thought the warmth they gave was radiation of love

only to realize that the flames of jealousy,

manipulation, and control consumed me like oxygen,

coughed me up like smoke-filled lungs,

and left my body and mind in ashes.

I’ve been burned, and once flesh is scarred it never looks or feels the same.

But skins cells regrow, and burned down forests do too.

How do you explain
to people
who ask "what's wrong"
when really
it's nothing,
but your own mind
that's the problem?

It’s 11:11 and I thought of you.

I wished you'd text me,
tell me to wish, as we used to do.

A small hope, a sign,
that maybe you were thinking of me too.