I cut my heart into stanzas and tainted fragments with your name
Written on skin with shaking hands disconnected and insane
But I found it weak and fleeting; washed your ashes down the drain
Developed bruises where I’d scrawled so hard it hurt — but I liked it.

Disillusioned and dysfunctional she murmured, “Have you loved before?”
I was thinking, yes, but gasped out, “no,” so she wouldn’t worry more
What she might have felt settled in me; I shook, unhinged indefinitely
Had you held my heart?  Or did you break it from a distance?

I’ve given up on order.  It’s just subdued the chaos.
I’ve given up on life, but I’ve stayed here all the same.
He asked me if I wished to die — so I said, “Yes, but that’s not why.”
I’d done it so he’d notice; I’d done it so he’d care.

Quite obscure and rough, I think, but I’ll teach you to love it
Sometimes less is more, y’know — sometimes I’m tired of it
Simple words can break you down like simple blades you’ve lost and found
That missed the mark and fell apart to leave a scar above it.

This is a lonely phone call,
this is the hole in my chest,
this is my 7th shot.
This is spelling please wrong in texts,
this is crawling out the window barefoot,
this is driving without headlights.
This is him, being there.
This is his hand on my thigh,
this is whiskey flavored kisses,
this is turning the lights off.
This is not love making,
this is bone ache
heart break
bed shaking.
This is avoiding eye contact,
this is telling him I should leave,
this is getting dressed on opposite sides of the room.
This is a quiet drive home riding shotgun,
this is trying to act casual so he doesn't get the wrong idea,
this is secrets I keep from my best friend,
this is ***.
That's all this is.

Goodbyes are not bad.
Goodbyes are good.
The word says
Good
Bye.
It means
It may be bad now but
It will be good.

I will say goodbye to the walls
And everything they have ever seen
I will say goodbye to the floor
And all the feet that ever walked on it
I will say goodbye to the lamp hanging from the ceiling
And all the light it ever shed
I will say goodbye to the house I grew up in
Without knowing if it is for *forever

I gasp and watch
Horrified
As I hammer the final nail into the coffin.
We sit. Apart.
Staring at our loss
Knowing and not knowing
Understanding and not understanding
Feeling and unable to comprehend
The true realisation will come later
With crashing waves of tears
And unanswered questions
'Why?' There are always reasons.
'Life is cruel' But they're never enough.

Now. Now, we sit.
My mind already begins to wrap
This moment in a fine silk handkerchief
Labelled 'Beautiful and tragic'
A keepsake.
And sometime later
I shall unwrap it
Gaping
Marvelling
Mourning
The final.
moment.
of.
Us.

A house full of spectres,
a mouth full of rye,
left out in the darkness,
someone will cry.

death was a reason,
tears were for show,
once out of the bottle,
these spectres wont go.

I'm dressed in blue and green today,
the colors of the mighty sea;
the color of the earth and sky,
flow in my veins through me.

Bicyclists climb distant hills,
'neath clouds of silver-grey:
bright dots among the landscape,
pedaling their hearts away.

I've never seen the grass this high,
nor so many shrubs in bloom;
Queen Anne's lace, lupine flowers,
dance in a breezy tune.

The monsoon rains have come,
with all it's frightful power;
with hard and driving force,
instead of just a shower.

Half a year's total comes quite fast,
flash flooding in dry creeks;
but nothing escapes water,
as it's own level it soon seeks.

Then the sun regains its throne,
once more, the sunny reign;
dispelling all dark clouds,
over shadowed plain.