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Chase Graham Apr 2020
I'd give the world
to know if she means to let me go
and it means as much to me
as a mountain
or a screeching blue jay
asking me to go
to ignore it
like a king,
a monarch rules over everything
but I'm not the same
and she's making me do as I should
among the wicked.
Mar 2019 · 243
Deli Meat
Chase Graham Mar 2019
Standing up straight
but like falling through door
after door after open
cellar door,
bodega cashier
men who know me only
as the sad and lonely two
AM bacon egg cheese
two bud light  
guy who seems off
but leaves a tip,
this trip through new york
can't be more than delirium
wrapped in tin foil
and forgotten dreamscapes.
Where are the mountain vistas.
Feb 2019 · 146
A new start
Chase Graham Feb 2019
And
I feel a bit empty a
nd lost not like in the way I was
with you, but different...
maybe I need a change. Mountains
seem large enough to draw back
deep into. Be one with
earth dust and the non-ceasing land
before this. Take enough drugs
and be there. Or find someone
like you. I don't know
if I'm depressed or just alone.
Maybe both. Either way I can sense this is
just beginning.
Jan 2019 · 345
Vist Home
Chase Graham Jan 2019
I had not forgotten them,
those graceful
past-life girlfriends,
adamant brothers
and all others
who drift everyplace
and throughout
squalid brown apartment
complexes and the green-neon
hotel bar illuminations
'cross the street.
When I come back
tomorrow these bold avenues
should diverge away,
be different, memorial
ghosts, however, will remain
waving, walking hand in hand
still into my futures.
Dec 2018 · 158
Gratitude for a friend
Chase Graham Dec 2018
Barstool, three legged,
wobbling, desperate, clinging
to gummy hardwood floors
and you're a good friend,
and here, eyes down unlocked
lips whispering reminding me
for a day "don't withdraw."
Thanks again for the drinks,
gloom only shows face
under sunlight, without you
offering me
confidence. "This will get better."
Dec 2018 · 1.3k
Countryside with her
Chase Graham Dec 2018
Flickering white
and orange specks, crowded
in a universe,
under a blanketed
warm sky, and us
enveloped between
cool earth, grass blades,
I'd forgotten
to look
up at
until you.
Nov 2018 · 294
Can't move on
Chase Graham Nov 2018
An emptiness deep
in the cracks of my heart
where I could feel  you
still with me beating hard
and I took you to my uncle's
grandparent's and mother's
but it doesn't feel the same
not falling in love with you
and is it wrong  I feel
so guilty forgetting
about you every so often
even when you refuse to call,
acknowledge I'm still here,
but far, and I miss you
more so but it's fading
and I how do I move on
when this won't
really turn to dust
float away.
Oct 2018 · 190
Moving quickly, forward
Chase Graham Oct 2018
Loved you now
for a long long
long time.
If those brown
curls brought me nothing
but lavender shampoo
clean smell of sweat too
I'd be brought to two
knees wondering only
if these years mean't
something
to me other than seeing
you through myself
a glass mirror reflection
a past projected
and illuminating
a life correction
and pedaling,
moving quickly
forward.
Oct 2018 · 203
Waiting for a train
Chase Graham Oct 2018
Like delicate floating
wafts of incense puffs,
this place is ephemeral,
temporary, a minute
waiting for the 6 train
downtown warmed
under wool sweater,
wintered hat, patched
jacket and stranger bodies
pressed, confine, familiar
a city this may seem
is imparted rare
impressed reflections
once and only
through the me
of now, the 6:30 am
no coffee, cold
as bone new york city
person I am
this only morning.
Oct 2018 · 296
Satisfied maybe
Chase Graham Oct 2018
What do I do
with this bliss
I feel like an echo
reflective voices
wise earthed
memories
and an experience
untouched telling me
it's all ok.
Sep 2018 · 389
Watching a delivery
Chase Graham Sep 2018
There's an eight wheeler,
with ice cold vapor
wisping upward and out toward
St. Mark's street walkers,
crust punks, do they think
of the frozen fish
and chilled shrimps
un-delicately
unloaded
delivered
to the subterranean
Japanese market
I purchase tempura from,
probably not. This scene
is written, it seems,
for me,
my glassy eyes,
a wandering stare
toward a banal
spectacle
displayed and private.
Sep 2018 · 1.8k
Memory left
Chase Graham Sep 2018
Like a routine
came her
lightness of verse
and it's repeating
and repeating,
still and always
holding wave-like
beating closely
to sand bank
inner memories
of every new girl,
old street blocks
and scented wisps
of brown hair
reminding
me of her.
Chase Graham Aug 2018
Love you
more than
I know
you can, so
I step outside
my fears
and these lives
past doubts.
And this town
never felt so cold
underneath these boots
even during Fall
leaves crushing
and New York
air brushing a could be
perfect would be
evening.
Jul 2018 · 226
Rose is a girl I knew
Chase Graham Jul 2018
You'd be the one
to wait for
and I cant tell
if home is still a place
I want to be,
it feels so alone
without you
and maybe this a phase
or maybe I'm right
in thinking this is it
and you are it
and that you might
one day be here
with me.
Apr 2018 · 1.1k
Only Rose
Chase Graham Apr 2018
You made me feel
open
to a possibility
of comfort
(health security
peace privateness)
the things written
in vows, letters
from far away,
in whispers
under hazy morning
sunlight,
those kind of moments
I wish I could keep
hold of and only
with you.
Jan 2018 · 617
Bad Scene
Chase Graham Jan 2018
Our love is a bad scene
of a movie,
passive lines, unsavory
characters
and this gaudy
bedroom lighting
wreck any idea
of realistic drama
and if the audience applauds
when the credits roll
only you
can take the blame.
Jan 2018 · 275
Night Cell
Chase Graham Jan 2018
Your "no reply"
in small text
pierces the summer night's
darkness through,
and that dim light
under my nose
might be what
emptiness truly looks like
in its most physical form.
Nov 2017 · 304
Back Home?
Chase Graham Nov 2017
And I'm looking
through the other-side
now of a cafe window
at a collection of asian tourists
joyfully wandering
up and down 18th street.
Do they know
I don't belong here,
ordering a 12 dollar cocktail
pretending to type behind
a laptop glow. Do they know
I don't belong here
and I am not scenery
and not a local,
in this country
I feel someplace else.
Sep 2017 · 280
Years
Chase Graham Sep 2017
We were thinkin'
how fast the years fly
"two gone by quick"
but what's to come
and go
with speed
hopefully not
the next few
with you.
Sep 2017 · 201
Favor
Chase Graham Sep 2017
A favor I didn't ask for.
But you did it anyway.
You made me feel
like a different person
and when our connection
pulls apart
and love fades away
who will we be then.
Sep 2017 · 616
We Moved
Chase Graham Sep 2017
And Manila seemed *****
not like New York or Philly,
like naked street-kids and yellow skies,
drooling stray dogs lost in wandering packs.

But we chose this home
and now it is that.

A studio apartment
high above the trash
and the slums down below
piled and stuck together
by sun melted ******* and dirt glue
greets their new neighbors.
Sep 2017 · 232
I know you know
Chase Graham Sep 2017
How bad
can it be here
in your arms,
both of us
as a lover.
Please
love-life
go on after
her. We both
know somewhere
this isnt forever.
But right now
these thoughts
are all we have.
Dec 2016 · 686
Our Road
Chase Graham Dec 2016
It's blank and dark down the pathway
under your bridge
the one connecting the life you earned
and mine I bought
and cheated for.
Take the first step
cooly convince yourself
its ok and cross
below the laurel overpass
to find you waiting,
hand open ready for
our single trek together.
Nov 2016 · 305
Coming to an end
Chase Graham Nov 2016
If it wasn’t for darkness,
I don’t know if I could see.
Eternal night and black air
and sharp streaks of blue lightning
brought me closer to noticing
a convenient life ignored way back.

These shockwaves
and the pleasures of you
are not going unnoticed.

And I promise
these fleeting things,
these peaceful chemicals,
dripping between crevices
and cracks in my brain
aren’t going away.

This time might be short
the end of us might be rearing in
and I want you to know
I won’t ever want
to forget us.
Nov 2016 · 744
Processing the election
Chase Graham Nov 2016
Time is swaying
and broken,
white and blue static,
like a TV set
trapped and muted
on a damaged channel
that I cant change.
This remote needs batteries,
but at least this looks better
than Fox News.
Nov 2016 · 279
Powers that be
Chase Graham Nov 2016
No more
love for this world
make me forget
myself. I know
my heart is good.
Understand how
I feel like
I can barely speak
Feb 2016 · 332
Hello poetry
Chase Graham Feb 2016
Gassing the esoteric
with toxins
and drugs
while attempting to keep grounded
but this thing in my soul
keeps puncturing nerves
and my brain may not be the same
since I saw you last
and these words seem empty
on an online forum
but I'm trying.
Feb 2016 · 365
Medication
Chase Graham Feb 2016
So what
if I feel less emotional,
the guilt,
anxiety
was getting to be too much anyway.
I'm happier now
but maybe less expressive,
the thoughts I have range
mostly towards the positive.
Light clearing up
depression, desperately
trying to come out
of the covers
and see you still there.
Feb 2016 · 288
wish they didn't
Chase Graham Feb 2016
Alone with other people.
proximity killing heros.
I needed help but couldn't call you.
these people don't seem exciting.
how do I find someone more
like you.
writing poems didn't do much.
"socialize, get out more"
you say your mother doesn't like this
I say broken dreams reflect guilt
and loneliness needs an empty room.
Stop
when I make a point.
These things take time
but I wish wish they didn't
Jun 2015 · 337
Untitled
Chase Graham Jun 2015
Feeling a little empty and lost
because I decided it was time
to break, rip free and pretend
I was stronger than I know
I am. So I stopped talking,
and we don't have ***
and I hope she misses me,
and more than my body,
because I long for her
and regret those mistakes
I hope she know's I have not forgotten
my fouls, or her's.
Feb 2015 · 436
Time-Stopped Sunday
Chase Graham Feb 2015
I felt large standing next to your tree
and your hands
and knees felt wet
beneath the leaves
and green from the grass
and this sun is diving
back down slowly
under earth and you're still here
in a backyard and the rays bear shining gold
reflections from your eyes
and hair and I wish this could last
longer but it is now and it's still and stopped
and the same. Because time is sometimes weird,
like this, and sometimes
subjective, like this,
and right now
I feel healthy
and I feel whole
and the skinny brown watch
wrapped around your wrist
hasn't ticked its hands,
in my eyes.
Jan 2015 · 1.8k
Our house is full of ships
Chase Graham Jan 2015
Our house is full of ships. A painting on each wall.
Some schooners, racing single sails,
18th century warships, some American,
some French, most British

and captained by Nelson. There are fishing boats,
less although, they're lining the staircase
leading down towards the basement.
The bathrooms house small

single frames, big enough to fit in your palm.
Maybe 25 portraits or so. All of them going fast,
the water rushing beneath the bow,
cutting through black-blue waters.

These were painted, hand-drawn and hung
by my father. Now a financial advisor. And cold.
But underneath, I know, still loving.
I haven't seen his brushes, his paints.

But he drew these boats years ago.
And I can't stop thinking,
every-time I ****, wash hands or ****,
about the artist he was and why paint these ships.
Jan 2015 · 611
As I age
Chase Graham Jan 2015
Will I go white
or bald. Sickly skinny
or obese. Maybe a round belly,
jolly enough and symmetrically round.

Sagging muscles and blotted skin
could that, more so, be the case.
As wrinkles become the norm
and my face begets new folds

will I remember my reflection
as it was, or instead
how the mirror reflects. Passions
hopefully stay lit and burn

still and bright in my heart
and soul and my mind still
recalling youth as a moment, brief,
but beautiful and flickering,

keeping warm past lives. And grandchildren,
children and those friendships
still gracing existence allow the beams
sprouting light out from memory

and joy to be absorbed wholly
within their pours. In doing so
I'll know that the folds in my dying skin
and thin strands of hair meant life
and spirit and so I won't mind

when those days come.
Dec 2014 · 760
Separation happens
Chase Graham Dec 2014
under slime that sticks
between hairs and fingers
you felt stuck between
the Pontiac
and my duvet
so with a trudge
through oceans of time
and cracks on the pavemnt
leading the apartment and my hand
to your rainboots
and wet smile and bright pink umbrella
with too much vitality
for this neighborhood
to handle you were scooped
up by my arms
and with raindrop pellets
landing awkwardly
between nostrils
and between eyebrows
and through the sticky weight
of break-up politics
I took you back to our bed.
Dec 2014 · 707
An empty bedroom
Chase Graham Dec 2014
and bed and closet
and solid wood dressers
and mirrors
hung on each wall
so when you stood in the middle
you could see who you were,
four different views,
spin quickly in a circle
and all four become one
dizzy smear of fleshy skin,
dark strands of hair
and constant brown pupils,
trying to focus. Spinning
and getting nauseous
this room's walls inch foreward,
closer, the ceiling lowers
the jagged plastered lines
and edges **** ceasessely
forming a cube condensing
and swallowing your form
up with it. A diamond
shaped prism with your
twirling reflection bouncing
off glass and your life
beaming from their lenses,
out from the geometry
and from the fake wooden beams. underneath white socks
as you fall back
through claustrophobia,
anxiety and time
and lie with your back
on the bed,
reminded of its emptiness,
with the room still circling
you, as a cube
with especially pointed edges,
and you think the dizziness
and headaches would stop
if only he was in that same
shrinking bedroom as you.
Dec 2014 · 527
I want to be around
Chase Graham Dec 2014
You all the time
to feel your loving
Glance to hold you close
and be your ride
Past the park
Some little longing
To exist by your side.
I need you baby
I want to be around you
at all time's you're the only one
that I want when this world turns grey so please let me be around you
Don't even need to hold you
just let me breathe your same air
from your lips your the only suger
For my bitter world.
So climb over the front seat
into my uncle's Chevy.
Dec 2014 · 622
Barefoot
Chase Graham Dec 2014
We walked across the bridge
Over the mud from the creeks
Leading to downtown and the bay
Giving gracious curtsy
Holding up from the fray
From outside windows and panes
Plucking time from a bottle
I wonder about you and think
Could you see me and want to
Break down hopelessness and fear
And be one with the winds
But I know you're a house cat
And wouldn't want to be near
The forces of nature and god
And *** and what's pure
Go back to the cage and purr
A lifeless being still unsure
But I know we can swim
Through these rain drenched streets
And find happiness together
But first in these sheets.
Dec 2014 · 789
Raincoats
Chase Graham Dec 2014
With small colonies
Of rain water
When brushed form together
And make a fountain
When hung from the neck
On wooden coat racks
Wobbling from the storm
Outiside, compiling a lake
On the white **** rug
Hopefully your aunt doesn't mind
The newfound guests of water
And mud
And myself, quiet as this farmhouse
And the land it shepherds
Let the raincoats stack
One on top of the other
And let the puddle grow into
A sea of collective belonging
Because behind these walls
And a way from the thunder
Our family can stay soggy
Together, despite being
A funeral for uncle earl
We're just droplets.
Dec 2014 · 308
From my bed
Chase Graham Dec 2014
I can see the pale white wall
With nothing painted or pinned
And I reel through memory
And come to you
And back to this bed
And the comforters are warm
And I feel at peace
But moreso
If you were beside me
Holding my heart in one hand
The other arm around my chest
Pinning me down
To what matters
To lovely summer days
And fresh air
And the bamboo forest
That sprung out
From around your home
And the days we'd spend
Brown from the sun
And muscles sore
From doing nothing
Floating on my father's
14 footer,
Sailboat and knowing
That the summer would be out last
And that the pale wall now
Is as empty as my bed.
Dec 2014 · 814
civil age
Chase Graham Dec 2014
Time's clock ticking, drops
infinity into the rust of bedside tables.
In Bed-Stuy, in D.C, dear Baltimore. And you too,
Ferguson.
East Coast warriors raise high heavy heads.
Break loose shackles, blushing muscles. Veins
of ancients pump through us.
Now we cry for peace. Resilience and time
******* out from present pleasures. T.V screens.
Longing hours contemplating
forgotten dreams. Nightmares,
trickle blood out of nosebleed section patrons.
An operatic multitude of greed
and insanity. Corrupt millionaires
spit down on struggling, stuttering
lost and alone
actors, poets
the good politician.
The neighborhood bully weeps after swatting a fly,
and immortality feigns existence. Be here
now death, let them know the coming of peace,
spiraling black holes
of emotion and pride and dead boys.
Broken time continuous, and hearts.
9-11, 2001 rocked a nation,
what rocked you?
Dec 2014 · 795
Backyard Battlefields
Chase Graham Dec 2014
Tracks by the creek
lead the charge,
a path for future pioneering troops,
boys aged six, seven, eight,
footprints made by me
and our gang
years ago,
running through the woods
chopping our own way
through tall grass, anthill fortresses
crushed by nikes, branches as swords,
sticks as arrows, grenade rocks,
a longing now to return
with them to backyard wilderness,
battlefields and armaments,
and rush forward
as a child soldier, fearless
in fantasy fray.
Dec 2014 · 469
Nonbeliever
Chase Graham Dec 2014
Infidel, lost, lonely
and so very drunk
and so very sick
of the past
churning away
at my stomach
mixed in with *****
and memories
mostly about her
and some
more recent
one's about you
but I'm just drunk
and godless tonight
so let me sleep alone
beside you,
warm
and kind of lost also,
after we give a try
at pretend love.
Dec 2014 · 398
girl last week
Chase Graham Dec 2014
You kind of remind me of her, when you laugh,
and your brown crow's feet
lines smile, and I can't help but wonder
what you're doing here
at a place like this
dark and empty and stained
with beer so I'll order you another drink
from the bartender and pay in cash
and conversate and stare
(and by the way, that's a cute hat)
because you remind me
so much of her.
Dec 2014 · 382
Thinking about you
Chase Graham Dec 2014
I'll call on you.
Thinking about you. About kissing you.
Touching you.
And I might be reacting. To the little waves rolling in.
By my ankles. I feel constant.
Unfinished. A little lost.
Is there someone. Now.
In your life. Not like me.
Still hold on.
Until I stop. Thinking about you.
Dec 2014 · 951
Mickey and Maurice
Chase Graham Dec 2014
You had two pet rabbits, one named Mickey the other Maurice,
who lived on lettuce bits and behind thin metal bars.
A caged environment set up on the study's wood floors,
with books and a red couch to keep company

and your mom, because she would finish her graphs and stats
on the mahogany desk living in the corner of the room
and she liked the rabbits purr and delicate noses
and would hold them and pet them

when she put down her pen and moleskin and accounts
because, although caged and bought at Pet World
in the strip mall across from Adult World
on the other side of Interstate 67, these rodents gave her comfort,

reminding her of Maine and Jonathan
who abstained from going and killing for sport
with his brothers when they went, in pickups
with buckshot and murdered deer and rabbits,

because she still missed Jon and bought these fluffy
white creatures for 47.99, a good deal,
and they came with a little rock house
that they could sleep and burrow under

like Jon and herself, snuggled in Maine,
away from Palo Alto. So every time I come over,
to have *** and eat dinner and listen
to what you learned to play on piano,

I stop by the study to see Maurice
and Mickey and feel the presence of Jonathan
and the sticky suburban sadness of your mother,
while keeping a secret promise close to my heart,
that I'll never become an accountant.
Dec 2014 · 775
Immersed in her
Chase Graham Dec 2014
Between the tangledness of legs,
arms and organs pumping
with and prodding on
beaches and blankets
because the warmth
of the Atlantic current
only separates our love
into microcosmic pieces of sand,
built up sea shells of my heart,
I can sense the waves,
wet and crashing as I hold my breathe
suspended beneath green-blue
glass tides and soft seaweed
on the in-betweens of my fingers,
a frozen moment could remain forever
floating within the folds of drenched time
and ***, I'll keep my lungs flooded
with oxygen and my heart beat slowed
and exact because drowning
with you in this deep
isn't the same as drowning at all.
Dec 2014 · 1.3k
Los Angeles Angels
Chase Graham Dec 2014
Mamacita hold me dearly under folds
of black hair where light can't shine I
feel the warmest with my nose
pulling deep breaths of floral shampoos

and hot mesoamerican corn tortilla
from the oven with pepper carnitas drifting
through cracks under locked bedroom
doorhandles, in the bed and under

an azetec starred quilt duvet between sunshine
brown arms with tiny black feminine hairs,
I think about dinnertime at seven
with my warm Mamacita and her cousins
and of all the caring people
L.A shared with me.
Dec 2014 · 5.7k
It's raining crab meat
Chase Graham Dec 2014
I have nothing better to do
when it rains so I go to the pier
on vacation with my pole and chicken necks
and rusted traps, drive down

to where the kayaks wait
in the mud, stop to smell
where fresh fish float through
brackish waters and tie a knot

at the end of my string, attach a bob
and minnow and cast
out towards the bay spotting
dead skates and hope

for mackerel and striper,
how my father taught me be gentle
I tie the necks to string and let the meat sink
below the surface and wait to be caught

up with delicious ****** poultry
to feed on and get trapped behind
the jailed walls. I hope the blue
crab knows I had to drive over

the county line in my shoddy white
pickup to the quiet co-op
when she bites into the chicken
for our dinner.
Nov 2014 · 779
Bright Midnight
Chase Graham Nov 2014
Paris, France,
streetcars, alley-ways
and tight corners
and perfectly trimmed
trees lining sidewalks
with cafe scent
and coffee taste rising up
to keep in pace
with the lights of the Louvre.
Nov 2014 · 557
Voyeur
Chase Graham Nov 2014
Sit and talk a bit then move
your hand down her thighs,
and maybe under her skirt
(and please talk a bit)
because he needs a
voice to keep reminded
that he feels your hand too.
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