What was I in the old life? a begger and a thief. Anything just to try and fill the hole inside of me. Sometimes I drank so much whiskey, my face was flat on the floor, it didn't matter much to me I always cried out for more. Then began the drug use, my dilated eye's, I lost it all as I began fall and created my own demise. My poor family were disgusted from the choices that I made. My judgement blurred and my hope deferred cause I couldn't make the grade. This is not self pity, it's just the way that I rolled, the angels had my spirit, but the devil had my soul. I've put that life behind me, I live for better days, I have got my blessings, but Jesus gets  my praise.

The ground is molten lava
there is fire in the
air we breathe, it is
my one desire to have
you here with me.
You may want to
pray to Jesus when
this story ends. Will
you keep my company
I guess that just depends
I count the souls here
by the trillions, we get
more every day. Some
times it's by the billions
and they are here to stay.
Here you will find Buda,
Allah's in here too
I know this may upset
some, not what it's
meant to do. I am just
a demon and soul's
are up for sale, the next
step when the wicked
die is here with me
in hell. This description
is not over, river's of feces
on the floor. You will seek
to find a way out but
will not find the door.
each person here doe's
suffer, the torment never
ends. If a name is
not in the book of
life the suffering  just
begins.

Time is so valuable but time we cant buy , no matter how bad we want it nor how hard we try .
  So , make the best of time we do have cause it ain't no joke , you'll see the very best intentions just go up in smoke .
  Dont live for tomorrow for we just have today , watch what you do and the words that you say .
  Think on the present , learn from the past dont dwell on a memory and the shadow it casts .
  Give it your all in all that you do , help those in need
that have it harder than you .
  For this tiny moment maybe all that we get , for I have faith in you and I'm willing to bet ,
  With your time use wisdom because one thing I see? is that we are warriors and so happy to be.

A memory on a soft still breeze travels through the tall pine trees, a whisper spoken in the dawning night. I long to feel your dark long hair the look you give when I catch you stare my love for you the only thing was right. I make this solemn holy vow to give my heart to you right now, I will only take that which I give. The gentle waters calm your fears as I collect your coming tears with righteous prayers to help you really live. For you I've found a brand new love sent to me from God above amazing is this overwhelming gift. I beckon for a blessing to you in all you'll ever say or do, each burden comes and I shall gladly lift.

This goes out to those hurting, drowning in sorrow and shame.
To those that dont feel at all worthy, listen I'll try to explain.
You are more than what you see in a mirror, much more than your bone and your skin, your soul and your spirit eternal, valued high above this world that we're in. We in our arsenal have mercy, love and respect in there too, you have loved ones that cant live without you, am I just now getting through? It's time that you did some forgiving, starting first with yourself, now is the time to start living, not stuck in your own personal hell. My friend though I've never met you, we are brothers and sisters for real, I could never forget you, in time old battle wounds will be healed. Your life is precious, your wanted, I am not to far away, I'll pray for you every night my friend, then I'll pray every day.

The wind moving
like a ballerina
blows gently upon
my cheek Fireflys
are everywhere they
have the light that I seek
All things are connected
we all think as one
my prayers have
been perfected I
invite you all to come
As I was on the
straight path a man
stood out from the rest
his face was full of
compassion with a
golden crown upon
his head He said
'where have you been
child I have been waiting
for you he was so humble and very kind
too I explained I'd been
searching for what I can't
say I looked everywhere
through the night then
the day It is my good
fortune that we finally
met this was a day I
will never regret
You see he was the one
searching while I was
just lost here was the
Mesiah whom was naild
to a cross The lamb who
was slain did rise from
the dead wih a crown
jeweled and golden
on his preciuos head.
I dont know what else
I can say accept this was what
happened on a particular day.

My children do not forget my teaching, keep my commandments then you shall win favor and a good name in the eye's of God and man. let love and faithfulness never leave you. Bind them around your neck and write them on the tablet of your heart. In all of your way's acknowledge him and he will make your path straight.

She is like a hot water on an opened wound
She believes she's the smartest one in the room
Her words cut the marrow from the edge of my bone
Although she grow's older She still isn't grown
I've been praying to Jesus Lord set her free
I believe he will help her for the whole world to see
She drinks in the morning and throughout the day
When she's on a binder get out of her way.
So in the end I know just what she needs
A touch from the Father I think you'll agree.
It is sad to see her controlled by the drink,
she looses her cool and the ability to think.
I'm afraid of the nightfall, she turns the music up
loud, she harbors resentments, she wears her hate
just like a shroud. So I'll just keep on praying for
the answers to come. She'll keep on drinking while
the rest of us run.

Mother dont cry for me
I done chose the life I lead
lined with trouble, doubts
and pain. Marked for death
with lifes cold stain. They
caught me driven down
highway one, Thrown in
jail, my freedom done. I
killed a man to watch him
die, I couldn't tell the sheriff
why. I did my time and paid
my debts, I smelled like *****
and cigarettes. I could never
quench  the hate, not much
food upon my plate. My
conscience was muddled with
guilt and shame. clothed in
sorrow, bathed in blame. If I
added up the cost, It wasn't
worth the time I lost. I was void
of love and pride, I could not fill
the hole inside. If you see
me coming you best step away,
I might take your life to start my day. Under the sign of which I was born
Is stuck in my side like a  
jagged thorn. As I come to my end
My journey through, I’ve nothing more to say to you.

I’ve never been known to be boastful,
A braggadocio fool. Where ever I’ve
Heard a mouthful I’ve learned that it’s best
to be cool. To all of you arrogant *******
I’m not impressed not at all, To those who
steal weight from their masters, there’ll be
no one to help when you fall.
I’ve come to learn to be humble, On that
I believe is worth a boast. Steer clear of the
one that causes a stumble,  he needs you more than you need him the most.

I dread the day , wrapped around my neck the taker's come out to play , stealing statues from their neighbor's yard's , they tell you they bought them at Walmart . their lives are made up of routine's , they come and they go never finding a quiet place to lay their heads . I too at one time did follow a crowd of people that stole my self-respect .
What will I gain by hating those that found amusement as I coiled up like an infant going through with-drawls . It's an uncertain life as I traded my soul for a drug that took away my pain , be it for just a little while , that is all I wanted , it was the only solace I could find . Those that used me and loaded me with guilt as many-a-time I tried to run away , but I had nowhere to go . Today I am a free man  , those that hurt me are in my rear view mirror , now ? I can breathe

I'm making some changes inside and out, I like what I'm seeing with out one single doubt. First it started with my heart then my spirit and soul, I had to go through it if I wanted to be whole. I dont cut any corners with this path that I'm on, it hasn't been easy and the journey's been long. I've learned to be patient, I watch what I say, I study my actions at the end of each day. I try to remember each promise I make, I've learned how to give much more than I take. I dont lust after women, I give them respect, I work to amend every life I have wrecked. I no longer hold grudges, a big waste of time, I no longer fight or commit any crime. This is part of my story and I'm doing well, I no longer believe that I'm going to hell. I've made peace with my maker and in the end? he is my savior, my very best friend.

Summer sun I can almost feel your warmth
on my back
The smell of cherry blossoms coats the edge
of my nose
Telling me that the much needed season has
finally arrived
Lovers walking side by side the picture of
brighter days to come are at hand
Birds are singing praises to the heavens
telling me to give thanks for the blue opened
sky's
The grey scenario that clutches my mind will
all but soon fade away
Now we do in time have reaped the sun upon
our faces which brightens our countenance
and hugs our hearts
The change in the weather has finally
come and I am glad because of it

I think of the people who's lives have been wrecked, to offer them kindness with some love and respect. Look past their failures as God see's the heart, that is sufficient and a good place to start.
Remember God's greatest and most humble command, to love thy neighbor when you offer your hand. A voice to speak wisely, with an ear listen close, give what is needed and yearned for the most.

I do not presume to know all the secrets of the creater of all things as I’ve been mostly ignorant and unlearned of a scholarly advancement. I’ll do my best to be accurate and
respectfully the student of a man in need of
answers to the mysteries of this indigenous teaching. Bare with me as I try to explain the particulars of what I call a relationship of holy matrimony, me and my creator.
I’ve often been practicing undesirable and unlawful activities to quench the thirst of my sinful nature. In the beginning everything seemed to work in my favor, I was given to strong drink and women of an unsavory intentions. This went on for several years until I lost my job and had nowhere to lay my head because of my ignorance of the bad fortune that came due to weaknesses and poor decisions. After my pilgrimage from California to sequin Washington I made roots at my older brothers house until I wore out my welcome. 2 years earlier I made a pact between me and my maker. But because of
The cravings for illegal properties and strong drinks to wash them down I paid little to no attention to the author of all things big and small. Now I’ve decided that my well-being is totally intact and I’ve finally made peace with the God of my understanding. I call him Jesus. Yes Jesus, the light of the world, the son of God, my
magna carta. I've come to know him as the most humble man
I'd ever seen. I saw his face while offering up supplications and my
deep desire to see his countenance. I dont remember how long I
pleaded and shared my intention to see the face of the most humblest man I've ever known. Some of you may be thinkin they're just fairy tales but the one undeniable fact is that yes!!! I did see it.
My friends some of you might be thinkin that yes I would love to
know Jesus, a man with a face breathing compassion, love so deep
you could drown in it. Find you a quiet space, get down on your knees and say, Jesus will you please come into my heart? and you know
what? he will. Then and there your journey begins. Sincerely charlieboy's ballad

Humpty Dumpty, the big bad wolf, the old woman whom lived in a shoe, Tinkerbell and Peter Pan the stories we once knew. When I was a child my innocence and the tales my mother told, the warmth I feel is still so real even though I'm growing old. Pillow fights and hide and go seek with four square at the park, playing games, making cool air-planes and flying them in the dark. These are reminders of childhood day's when I was still care free, the thrill I knew within me grew the things that I could see. These are my childhood memories that take my breathe away, my treasures of a distant past are with me still today.

Children shouldn't need to worry, they're afraid to go home, It just may mean a beating and to sleep in a hole. Why do parents do it? because they cant find a job? this man is a drinker a beer guzzling slob. How about the mother? she is guilty too. Cigarette burns up and down his back, bruised black and blue. Where do these people come from? I feel that I know, because when they were little with broken hearts and broken toe's. I'm talking about decades, of years of this pain, if you knew it all it would drive you insane. I want to raise an awareness of these babies so small, how they brought you joy when they learned how to crawl. when they ate their first French fry, then learned how to walk, then mumbled out sounds and eventually talked. So the next time you feel like your loosing control, then you take a beating and sleep in a hole

What can be said about CJ? her poetry is second to none, she is a heavenly child that comes with the warmth of the son. As I was lost in my sorrow, she reached out with words from above, she showed me how to start healing with a warm light and God's holy love. How can I even begin to thank her? for the wonderful gift that she gave, she lifted me out of the darkness, with powerful words I will save.
CJ, you are an angel, sent to me from God's holy place, I wish you could just see my countenance , the smile I wear on my face. I think about my inner child and how he was treated so wrong, CJ you are my hero, the reason today I am strong.

this tide is slowly rising , death is in the air , traffic comes to an overly crowded highway now a congested and endless mess . Who is my enemy ? what does he hope to gain as the platform twists and turns to an unwanted guest . I'm going down into the depths , I'm going to ****** anyone that stands in my way , evil man  beware because you dont want to be on the receiving end of my wrath , because of you we're choking and spewing out the toxic air you brought upon this our free soil and it shall forever remain free of your communist intent . When the **** hits the fan I wouldn't want to be you . This is our sacred ground , tread softly for you tread on my values , my desires and my dreams , these will be the boundaries we set for you as we march you back to the rock you crawled out from . We shall never conform to your ways , this is me putting you on notice ! deal with it *****

ever so gently your loving embrace engulfs me
your sweet breath is an ****** high
swimming in your waters , your scent drives me into
a  frenzy
I will drink from your well alone for a vow was made
I will meet your breast with a gentile caress
ever so lightly I feel the slip of your earlobe between my lips
as I lay next to your curves I lovingly kiss the nape of your
neck.
softly whispering my love for you  and only you.

You long to see me suffer
you do enjoy my pain. You
want my muted cries to be
the only thing I gain. For
when you see my torment
it makes you feel alive. misery
of my tortured soul is the
place you really thrive. My
skin is just like vinyl, my
hair is hard like bark, the
only thing that makes you
what you are is cold and
dark. Today you did fillet
me, you removed my torso
skin. The pain was more
than I could take, you added
salt then rubbed it in. I tried
to  free my hands there to
find that they were gone.
You encouraged me to beg
for death, it didn't take me
long. Finally I made it to
the moment of my death,
you put the razor to my
throat, right then you took
a breath. This is a scenario,
it happens every day. Mostly
down in Mexico, your safe at
home so stay.

In your hollow eyes is the story I seek , I may write in a day , or it might take a week . I'll start with the way you snatched all that I owned , my heart , my soul , my skin and my bone, you then took my feelings , you trampled them good the damage so hard to repair , I sat in our room with a heart full of gloom , the sign on our wall read beware . Who could I turn to ? what could I do ? as I sat on the porch and I wept . I had no friends that's the way that it ends ,I only had peace when I slept . I made up my mind I would never again get with a woman like you , you make my skin itch , your a low bottom ***** , I'm thankful we're finally through .

Sunlight glistening waves crashing down , living waters , you shall thirst no more . Inner beauty without blemish unflawed. Love unrequited is thy reward. A beating heart living long in your disdain , yours is a tumultuous companion ,seek thee a dry quiet plain and there find your peace , not undone but complete without end.

Early is the hour the moon is  a shining hue, I can see the tower twenty feet ahead of you. Dark is this star filled sky, what a sight to see. A natural induced heavy nighttime  high that takes ahold of me. Thunder speaks and lightning flashes one hell of a show. It knocks us right down off our ***** we keep the volume low. We make preparations for our journey and the dangers we might face, we keep the night fire high and burning nothing goes to waste. Our ship is stout and it will protect us it's made of wood and steel, No diseases will infect us and all our wounds will heal. We will not cower for one minute, courage is our creed, I know the **** cause I've been in it fighting to be freed!

Early morning Thursday reveal yourself to me, I know that you gave me fare warning, slowly you snuck up about three. I wait with great expectations, I wait to see what you will bring, synchronized evaluations, a beautiful song will you sing. Early morning Thursday I love you, deep within the depths of my soul, we'll sing a song but you hit the high notes, your beautiful voice never gets old. Early morning Thursday we're just being, there is nothing else I'd rather do, the lights emanating I'm seeing, shine on me and then? back on you.

I'll cry eighteen tears for you, I hate what I had to do to make your life a little better. I hope you can forgive me, be happy and out live me, just know I mean every letter. You were my sunshine, my light in the dark times, every day without you makes me so empty. We were always so close, what I miss the most, is the time we shared and we had plenty. I pray God will bring you, before I'm worn like an old shoe, my love for you only grows stronger. I'll never give up, nor will I drink from that old cup, in my heart I know it wont be much longer.

Can we pull ourselves together
just enough to think as one?
Can we be forgiving with a heart
that weighs a ton?
Can we just meet in the middle
if it's going to bring us peace?
Can we all not go to war and
let the fighting cease?
Can we show some courage
when our heart is soul afraid?
Can we earn somebodies trust
when they have been betrayed?
Can we return an insult with
a blessing that really did us harm?
Can we compliment the one we
love by throwing them some charm?
These are just some questions designed
to help you think and had one sheet
of paper and introduced some ink.

Our lives will be over all things come to pass, so live yours to the fullest and your memory will last.  Dwell on the hard times with the lessons you learned, you danced in the fire and you didn't get burned. One day at a time is all that we get, be patient and kind, not bottled up with regret. We are getting closer all journeys come to an end, be forever grateful if you had one good friend. As we die we pass from this life to the next, if we get separated simply send me a text. We will bask in glory and sing praises out loud, we will be able to fly and sit on the clouds. There we will be eternal never again will we die, we shall meet the king before our very eye's. For ever eternal a new life to live, For ever eternal, a new life to give.

Our lives will be over all things come to pass, so live yours to the fullest and your memory will last.  Dwell on the hard times with the lessons you learned, you danced in the fire and you didn't get burned. One day at a time is all that we get, be patient and kind, not bottled up with regret. We are getting closer all journeys come to an end, be forever grateful if you had one good friend. As we die we pass from this life to the next, if we get separated simply send me a text. We will bask in glory and sing praises out loud, we will be able to fly and sit on the clouds. There we will be eternal never again will we die, we shall meet the king before our very eye's. For ever eternal a new life to live, For ever eternal, a new life to give.

Her piercing eye's looked straight through my soul, her mouth opened wide could swallow me whole. She practiced white magic, a detestable sin, She opened her door and invited me in. Once I was inside she chanted a spell, she summoned a demon! right out of hell. She claimed she had powers beyond all beliefs, saying,  she could move mountains as she prayed to the east. Just then I was moved by the God that I serve, she knew something was different and started loosing her nerve. I said 'what will become you when it's your turn to die? will all this be worth it when your name is denied? I told her' in heaven there's a book full of names, I said ' you must be in it' to avoid all the flame's. She thought for a minute her eye's fixed on the floor she gave me her answer, the unholy *****, She claimed Satan was her god with the demon she raised, she said hell was Europa while she offered him praise. My friends there is a battle with demons and more, do not be deceived, please! dont walk through that door. Hell is a real place! in a realm we cant see, and there she will suffer every minute passed three.

Just when I feel it
   is over, like I've
      nothing more I
         can write all
            things must
               come in
                  an order
               if I'm
           backed
       in a
  corner I'll
fight. You will not
   see me coming for
I know  my way in
   the dark, you'll only
      hear the bird humming
and I'll find you just
     where you are.
         Just when you
             feel like it's over
         like you are through
    with the pain, I'm
here to say there'l be
    more dear memories
are all that remain.
  Just know this is the
      way love, the time
        in the world which
           we live, No more peace
                 with a white dove  for
                     pain is the gift that I give.
           You will call me a monster
       but I know one thing that
   you dont.  There are no men
among there who'l bend to
my will cause they wont.
   for I am an exicutioner and
      I'll take your life with respect
         I have been ordered to **** you
for all of the lives you have wrecked.
     I'll hear you crying for mercy
          but there'l be no mercy for you
                    I'll beat you in to submission
                          my methods are vial and cruel
                     what was that you were saying?
               your whimpers are hard to
          make clear, all of your crys
      are in vain now there will be
no more crying here.
    one more thing you
       should know now
            before my eye's turn
                to red, the only way
              for a good **** is to
          say off with it's head

There's a river rising,
there may be
trouble on the way.
I may be disguising
all the things I want
to say. I'll keep you
hidden, so others
may not see. It might
be forbidden to
make you wear chains
when you are free.
The wind is blowing,
tearing down the
gate. You'll see
the face I'm wearing
filled with much
unwanted hate.
As I was praying
I did shed a tear.
The words you were
saying calmed the
stagnant fear. In the
end one thing I need
to know, of all the storms
you send the last one
had to go.

do not be relaxed , be on your guard , do not be a fool .
for when we give in to strong drink we sin
and the demons sit laughing and drool.
In darkness we're lost such a steep heavy cost the rips and the tares hard to mend,
so come to the light you may have to fight but I will
fight with you my friend.

We're like dog's in a corner itching to bite , when push come's to shove we are in for a fight . This is the way I feel it need's to be , we have to throw punches if we want to be free . When the fighting is over , it's time for peace , it's the way I prefer to say the least . It's been said love thy neighbor as we want to be loved , my friend's we can do this with help from above . Please know as you read this it's a good way to live , dont be a taker and learn how to give . In all of my years I've come to believe , it's better to give than it is to receive . I'll leave this impression and you can be the judge , how much should we give ? what we have is enough .

Lost and hungry, sorrow and pain, have been my companions time and again. Angry I hate you for treating me wrong, it's starting to sound like an old country song. You did all the damage you could possibly do, I carried your luggage now we're finally through. You left an old suit case and a picture or two, in hope that like a sucker I would come back to you. So, I lit up a bon fire and burned all your things, inside my spirit there's a choir that sing's. There is an old saying and a good one to know, the righteous rejoice when the wicked finally go.

Here I yearn for the one that I love, she has the wings of an angel, she is as white as a  dove. In the moon light she glistens,  her form is so true, her eyes are like sapphires with a bright yellow hue. In her absence I beckoned her to please hear my cry, when she doesn't answer it brings a tear to my eye.
  So here I do ponder a promise I swore, that I would be waiting at the foot of her door. For true love is rare ,it seldom does come ,not for the masses but only for some.

The jagged edge of a single thought will rip open the flesh ,unrelenting agony at the hands of a heart breaker .
I search my soul at the inner most parts , truth unfolds hardly making a sound , lie's to pass the time , ugly is your deceit .
Your reward shall be utter torment for you would not suffer me to weep as I lost all that I love . Oh my soul why are you down cast ?
You have never known the warmth of true love , you struggle as a fish in a net . When will I be shown mercy ? Where is my portion of bread ? I will not eat it for it is full of discontent , I will not drink the blood of wrath which is given without mixture , but here I sit and wait to be free.

I have a need to express my feeling on how I no longer feel free. The masks that we wear to keep us from sickness are the sickness to me. The driver of our weekly shuttle always makes us wear two. To me its just another pain in the ***, I have to ask friends how about you? I believe we're on a path to something so scary in silence I pick at the sore. In darkness I find the enemy unkind tells me we're headed to war. I will keep praying, ill hope for the best but I believe that we all know the score. For I've the freedom at heart, its a good place to start I dont need anything more.

To God the father, to Jesus the son, he conquered death when he said it is done.
  On his shoulders he took the sins of the world, for every man and woman every boy every girl.
  After three days he rose from the dead, ascending to heaven with a Crown of gold on his head.
  So,give the glory to Jesus, the praise give to God, show mercy towards your children, give them love not the rod.
  Please love thy neighbor as you want to be loved, for every good thing is from God up above.

Have you heard of the child
who was murdered and *****?
she was at home in bed sleeping
when he came through the gate.
She was only twelve and she
never did wrong. Daddy your
my hero was her favorite song.
       How doe's this happen? What can
       we do? this could happen to me or
       it may happen to you. I pray for the
       families whom have suffered a lost
       it is so tragic when we add up the cost.
This may bring you some closure
and you may heal up some pain.
but you'll never forget your child
and the thought that remains.
     This is also the story of Gene Devier
     They fried his *** in the electric chair.
     He begged and he cried out please
     spare me for this? The crowed looked
intently and they all booed and hissed.
To take the life of a child is the most
tragic cost, That mother and father
and the time that they lost.
   All because of a man named Gene
    Devier a man without feelings
     in a world so unfair.

if you think that I can't write poems like this , I fully understand ,
to find the right words a tedious challenge but on the other hand.
The reason that I do this  , with the clutter in my mind ,
at times I'm only venting , not meant to be unkind.
I do it to feel like I belong  , dont mistake me for weak ,
I am not a carnival worker , or a 40's circus freak.
Be careful how you judge me , for I am just like you ,
A starving poet whom loves to write I have to see it through.
This one is finally over so I'll leave you with this  ,
clap your hands ,  with no demands and blow my *** a kiss !!

God is love, God is light.
When you are weak then
God is your might.
God doesn't sleep, God
doesn't quit. If I'm keeping
it real, then God is the ****
God see's your trouble, God
see's your pain. God see's
your sorrow because God's
in the rain. God knows that
we sin, God is quick to
forgive. Let him reside at
the place where you live. God
is polite, God always knocks.
If you listen close you can
hear when he talks. God is
omnipotent, his power is
real. God knows your
thought's and the way that
you feel. Just one more thing
before I am done, God conquered
death with the blood of his son.

The actions of a desperate soul burning long and out of control should never pass the boundaries set in me. As wisdom escapes me I cannot feel the feelings in you so unreal are lost when they are drowning in the sea. Time' she's a tricky one for every minute past, cherish now the moment we're in as this moment could be our last. How, why, where and when are the things we all need to know. The answers lie beneath the bright blue sky that puts on one hell of a show. Is this a message? a battle with words, sometimes I just can't take the heat. I walk many miles with nothing to show accept the blisters on the ball's of my feet.

I've been down to hell below , third seat to the right the second row ,
old friends were in torment
crying out for mercy.
I was there a frightened man , my legs were to weak I couldn't
stand I thought that I was condemned and left to suffer.
All of the sudden I saw a light it was radiant and so was I ,
the peace that I felt just blew me away in that moment.
So if your lost cry out his name , he wont judge you nor will he cast any blame , all of your sins and wrong doings can be forgiven.

he knows your struggling , inside your a mess , he sees your heart hurting inside your chest , one at a time he will heal all cuts and bruises .
So when your questioning your motives and faith , you need to make some room on your plate , his love is always there for those that choose it.


s

I see other people just living their lives, I think what about mine and the truth it contrives. Why do I struggle? where is the peace? I fail to find the answer, even down on my knees. I see things I covet while I know it's a sin, I cant dig my way out of this hole that I'm in. Deep inside me I'm wanting but can never get, I feel I'm a failure all I own is my debt. So I reserve my feelings be they rotten or cruel, I'm so disappointed just your average fool. I know there are blessings but I'm failing to see, that things aren't that bad, so what is so wrong with me? maybe the answer lies deep within, I am to tired to bare it and grin. It's not just that I see people living their lives, it's that they seem happy while my spirit just dies. What about me? I ask every day, maybe I'm cursed nothing good comes my way. It's not that I'm ungrateful, it's that I just cant see, what it's like to be happy and so happy to be.

The  cross he bore rugged , the crown of thorns deep in his head, the roman soldier pierced his side to make sure he was dead. They first lay hold of him in a garden at night, he prayed to his father with all of his might! they punched him, spit on him, they hurled insults and more, the pain was like no other that was inflicted before. Heavy on his shoulders he took the full weight of our sin, his father looked away as he saw what he did. If you think your unworthy your probably right but he laid the bricks and he laid the bricks right. We need in humility and to be humble too, ask for forgiveness before your time here is through and honor this man the way he honored you.