What's to become of it all
If we make nothing of it?

Upon my face I wear a smile,
A *******'s smile so smooth.
I grin in my seat
While I lie through my teeth,
The teeth that have never heard the truth.

I think more clearly
than I have in
years.

I can now hold a thought
in between my
ears.

I'm just finding my
happiness; it feels
absurd.

But when I talk, I'm
spewing venom in my
words.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry
I couldn't
Take Away the
Hurt.
I'm sorry
I didn't
Do more,
Because I
Could've.
I'm sorry
You felt
Sorry for being
Sick.
I'm not sorry
That you were
Loved.
I'm sorry
I couldn't
Show you
Enough...

I kicked the edge
of the coffee table
with the top of
my small toe.
And then I thought of you.

I dropped that glass
But nearly caught it
with my then glass
Shard filled hand.
And then I thought of you.

Knicked the edge of
my Razer against the
Contour of my face
while my blood filled
the rest of the mirror.  
And then I thought of you.

But when I nearly
cut myself in half
with that old ax
And dead tree,
I didn't think of you.

You don't want me dead,
Just alive enough to feel the pain,
because when you're dead you can't
feel dead,
when you're living
Sometimes it's all you can feel.

Like ice down my shirt,
I'm jolted by just how hard and
fast it hit.
It didn't hurt,
but it made me see.
This is real,
This is now.

Those eyes staring back at me,
I've stared them down before.
One quick glance and then you had me
Knocking at your door.

I like your smile, I love your touch
And oh I hope it
Ain't too much,
To tell you what's
Always on my mind.

I can't think with no body else to be,
And I hope you want nobody else than me.

And when I look your way,
I do so with restraint.
One day when I'll look at you,
You'll look back at me.

I'll see that smile I love so much,
And feel the softness of your touch.
A day that just can't come soon enough.

And I will wait for that one day to come.
And I will wait for me to be that one.

Say, say you're with me.
Just, give me a sign.
If, I say I love you.
Will, you be mine?

Those eyes staring back at me,
I've stared them down before.
One quick glance and then you had me
Knocking at your door.

I like your smile, I love your touch
And oh I hope it
Ain't too much,
To tell you what's
Always on my mind.

And when I look your way,
I do so with restraint.
One day when I'll look at you,
You'll look back at me.

I'll see that smile I love so much,
And feel the softness of your touch.
A day that just can't come soon enough.

I can't think with no body else to be,
And I hope you want nobody else than me.

And I will wait for that one day to come.
And I will wait for me to be that one.

I've found my chill.
I found it right where you put it.
Right where you told me to look.
I didn't believe you, but
now I know otherwise.

It was behind my self-doubt,
tucked away with my sense of fear to
"No".
I tell myself it's just a word,
two letters at best.

Tomorrow is when I'll show you I care more than I sound.
Tomorrow is the day to wash today away.

Tell me a story where no one wins.
No good,
no bad,
no ugly.
Could it be no story exists,
or that the story ends when there's no one left to tell it?

The sound of your silence leaves me without words. It tells me that all you'd rather do is look at me, looking at you.

"I know", you said.

Do you "know" just how much I love those words? Two words, and you had me up against you.

How scared I was,
To think you'd let me fail.
How brave I was,
To leave shore without a sail.

How low I was,
To accept that I was sad,
Sad was me.
How delighted I was,
To know that's not what
Was meant to be.

How confused I was,
To not know how I
Was supposed to feel.
And yet that's
How I remained
When that feeling became
Real.

Given
That
You're
Living,
Why
Not
Make
It
Count?

'Cause
Once
You're
Gone,
You're
All
Out.

Letters work in unison,
Words act in tandem,
Sentences form what we call poetry,
They help us understand 'em.

I reached into my pocket to find an idea.

I must've lost it...

I know the response.

I just keep hoping that
If I wait long enough
To check it,
The reply will
Change.

Is a friend a selfish thing?

I mean, my friends are mine.

My comrades share my interests.

When I'm with them, it makes me happy.

When can it make you happy?

Are your interests shared?

Frankly, who's to say I'm not yours?

Am I your selfish pleasure?

I burnt it all,
Not a single ember stayed ablaze
Much like what you did
To me and you.
Kinda funny, ain't it?

I watched the smoke and
Ashes rise up into
The night until
I couldn't see
Them any longer.
They're not my
Problem anymore.
You're the world's problem
Now.

I made sure every
Scrap was burnt to
Nothing.
After all, you had
No trouble
Doing it to me.

For once,
I had the
Control.

And after it all,
I said the
One thing you
Could never
Say to me.
"Good bye"
I miss you.

The heart is the heaviest of all the organs.
It carries your burdens, your worries, your sorrows.
When you speak from it, this weight is packed into every word, yet none of it is lifted from your heart.
Sometimes I wish I could think through my brain instead of my heart.
But then I ask myself: Which one hurts more when it's betrayed?
You need a brain to be alive, but you need a heart to live.

Let's take a minute,
Just You and Me.
Let us talk
Like the friends we used to be.

I don't hold grudges,
I don't point blame.
But it's really got me hurt
'Cause things aren't the same.

I fall and I bleed,
You know I'm human too?
And the scars that you don't spare me
Are the ones that I'd spare you.

We appeal to logic and reason when creativity fails us

We resort to ravaging anger when we just can't understand

Hatred fuels our relentless paths when we wish it were different

Sadness washes those awful deeds from our hands.

You know it's real when the second he stops seeing you, he is letting you know about all the grand things you'll do together tomorrow.

You know it's real if you make him stammer and mumble and talk about nothing because he's so excited to actually be around you that he forgets how to act cool or function at all.

You know it's real if your biting was something he looked forward to in his day.

You know it's real when your insults are the nicest compliments he's ever gotten.

You know it's real when he figits in his place because it's more uncomfortable to not be close enough to touch you.

You know it's real when he gives up eating peanut butter because you're allergic, and he's allergic to not being able to kiss you.

You know it's real when you take the time to look up reasons why he is suffering from insomnia, yet the reason is because he's always thinking of you.  

You know it's real when even in the absolute cold, your presence keeps him warm.

You know it's real if the real reason he was shaking was because he was anxiously excited to actually be talking to you.

You know it's real if he listens to what you have to say, even when it hurts him.

You know it's real when he only likes a song the way you sing it, not the way it's originally sung.

You know it's real if he tries to take you out of your comfort zone a little bit, because he gets to see your wacky and goofy self.

You know it's real if he tells you he's ticklish because he just wants you to know his weakness.

You know it's real when he thinks the best makeup on you is the kind that stays in its container.

You know it's real if he stays up until the next morning because you can't sleep, and he can't say goodnight to you.

You know it's real when the reason he can't sleep is because you've already said goodnight, and he's still having your conversation in his head.

You know it's real if you saw how many times he rewrote his texts just so he could send you the right one.

You know it's real because he has saved a text from six months ago that made him smile because of you.

You know it's real when after repeatedly breaking his heart, he'd be willing to do it again.

You know it's real when after breaking yours, he'd never be able to live with himself again.

You know it's real if his phone buzzes a million times since the moment he got in the door, and he only picked it up to check the time so he could stay later.

You know it's real if for every secret you told him, he told you two just so you never felt too vulnerable.

You know it's real because against all odds of you ever wanting him, he sees that 1% as the only amount he needs.

You know it's real because he isn't afraid to cry in front of you because he needs you there for him.

You know it's real when he read your mind without you even making a gesture.

You know it's real because your hands is the only place he'd want his to be.

You know it's real when you both see someone who is attractive and agree.

You know it's real when he stays up all night writing poems and lists about how dumb/sorry/confused he is because instead of using his brain, he decided to use his heart.

You know it's real if you only see him smiling when he looks at you.

You know it's real if he gets you to repeat what you said only because he wanted to hear your voice, again.

You know it's real if the best time he ever had texting you was when you asked him to call you.

You know it's real if he gets really awkward when you're alone because he's afraid that he could say something that would make you realize that he is just trying to tell you he loves you.

You know it's real when he can't just say goodnight, but a whole bunch of things he hopes is going to happen tomorrow that involve seeing you.

You know it's real if he's writing this list out because of you.

Experience is a funny thing,
Most times in a way that doesn't
Make you laugh.*

I've put on my mask before,
Many times over the years.
You can't help but be upset,
So let me see the tears.

If your words say you're fine,
Then why don't your eyes say the same?
Don't lie to me, I invented that look
But you're not the one to blame.

Don't tell yourself you're ok
When you know that's not the truth.
You think you're fooling everyone when
All you fool is you.

It's not "being strong" that makes it better,
Whatever that even means.
It's by accepting you're upset and hurt;
That you're just a human being.

You *want love? You are loved.
An open heart? Into mine you can pour.
I'd rather see my heart get destroyed than
You hopelessly giving up yours.

Feel your feelings,
Let those demons out.
'Cause when they're locked up
They too scream and shout.

You're beautiful when you cry,
As with everything you do.
When beads of tears roll down your face
I see the beautiful in you.

In my honest opinion
For every cent it's worth
Everything starts from nothing
'Cause nothing came first.

While nothing may be there
There's time for there to be
Even just a hint or glimmer of
Something between you and me.

Now I can't speak for you
And I know you've already told me
But I've got to be who I am
And who I am is me.

In this life, we're given two lives.
One we're born with, the other we find.

Ignoring emotion keeps them apart, time brings them together.
Yet side-by-side, hand-in-hand they can fair out the weather.

One ticks, Two tocks in imperfect harmony.
Two zags while One zigs, with no one else they'd rather be.

Just when we can no longer be alone
Two finds us, Two loves us and carries us home.

With all of the grand adventure awaiting you,
I wish you could just pack me up in your suitcase too.
That way, wherever you go,
You'd have me and I'd have you.

Here's what I've been saving,
here's just a little taste.
I've wanted to say it,
so here it goes; I like your face.

I don't just mean "your face",
'cause I like the other parts too!
Together, I find them much better,
because together they make you.

And let's face it,
I like you more with eyes and ears and toes.
But what I love, perhaps most of all
is the tip of your stout little nose.

Now don't get me wrong,
I'd love you even with no bells or whistles.
Yet when you look at me with those eyes,
you make my heart race; blood sizzle.

I don't think I've gotten across
quite what I've wanted to say.
But maybe it just wasn't meant to be,
maybe it's for another day.

Just because I cannot sleep
does not mean I cannot dream.
In fact, I have nightmares
everyday.

Is life about
Getting everything you
Ever wanted,

                                                        ­                                      Or endlessly chasing
                                                         ­                                              What you could
                                                           ­                                          Only ever dream
                                                           ­                                                                 ­ Of?

It's in those sullen moments,

Attacked with cancerous thoughts. 

Alone to hear these things aloud,

In Hell he'll surely rot.

It's in these quiet moments,

He ponders what could have been. 

He's found his lock; his ball and chain

And yet he seeks again.

It's in those careless moments 

He forgets what he has got. 

Temptation to act upon
Out-weighs desire to not.

It's in these stupid moments 

He loses all he possessed
By drowning those evil voices
With the flask upon his breast.

It's in those final moments 

He staggers with heavy thoughts. 

No more will he hear these things aloud,
'Cause in Hell he'll surely rot.

Let me be
The key to your
Heart shaped locked.

Let me savour
The breath that you
Breathe to keep
In case you run out.

Let me see
Things no other can

Let me regret
Ever letting
You be
The one that got
Away

Strings soft,
supple between my fingers.
My page sits blank,
not an imperfection in sight.
Yet, here's the rub,
as nothing,
in its very essence,
is the imperfection.

Not a single word
comes to mind.
Not a single word
will do.
Words aren't enough
to say how much I love you.

Symphonies in my head,
fire in my eyes,
silence in my heart.

I know this game,
we go round and round.
Waiting till one of our
feet hit the ground.

Well I hit the ground.
I hit it hard.
Hard enough to
shatter through.
And I won't lie,
it hurt a **** lot.
But I still love you.

I cannot be angry,
  for fear of hurting you.
I cannot be happy,
  for it won't be true.
    So here I am,
      beaten,
        broken and
  miserable too.

I'm all that's left to clean the pieces.
No safety, no net to catch me while I fall.
And I fall hard,
And I fall fast.

I was never your priority,
yet anything and everything for you
I would drop.
And I have,
And I will continue.

I hide the broken heart that I was dealt,
for fear it might break yours too.
And it hurts me.
And I suffer.

I'm all that's left to clean the pieces,
for this broken heart won't clean itself.
And it's gone,
this love is gone.

I never blamed you.
Not now, not then, not ever.
You lifted me,
Brought me higher.
How could I lay blame on that?

The heart that ticks within my cavity,
It only ticks for you.
The searing pain that splits open my head,
When you tell me that I deserve better.
It is not a matter of "deserve".
It's what I "want".
It's what I "desire".
You have held that place since I ever told you those three words.

Now I'm being killed inside.
To have love-loss would almost ease the burdened pain I feel.
But the love is still there,
I know it is,
I can feel it!
But love was
Never the problem...

And now,
When I look at you,
Nothing has changed.
You're still the one that I love,
As I am still the one you do.
But this pain,
That explodes to the tips of my fingers,
Rings out to me,
For the hand of this love is one I can no longer hold.

My heart has sunk,
And I have no expectations of finding it.
I feel the faint murmurs,
A muffled beat here and there.
Only your presence makes the trace visible;
Makes the echo grow louder.

Even as I lay these words to page,
I stammer over the keys.
I know you will not read them,
Nor will you even know
Of their existence.
But they do,
I feel them every day that I draw breath.
And soon the days where I don't.

Time is the only remedy I have.
The cure to washing away all the **** that has collected,
Tearing away at me bit by bit.
Only when the last scrap of uncertainty has been wiped,
Will I be able to build anew.

You did what was needed,
You should feel no shame in that.
You did what I had done before,
And vowed to never do unto another again.
Not anger,
Hatred,
Betrayal,
Or vengeance seek claim in my mind.
You did what was best for us,
And in time I know we will rekindle what was put on hold.

And still yet,
Through all of this,
I always remember what you had told me.
"Tears are just returning water to the sea".

Seldom does my heart
Feel that once exhilarating glow.
It did,
once upon a time.
A long, long time ago.