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 Nov 2016 kiko
Grace Jordan
1.) I hate that you ruined my chance to be a kid. You stole my childhood and teenage years, you know? We all it isn't like the movies, but I never even got a chance to try. You made me scream so quietly that when I couldn't shush you anymore it became like thunderclap, deafening anyone close. I  pushed people so far away that they became islands to me, and I couldn't swim. That, or I wanted them to love me so badly that I squeezed them into oblivion and suffocated them with my demons.

2.) I hate that I felt unloved because of you. I could have been loved, you know? It wasn't like I was a *****. There were boys that wanted me, even ones I wanted too. But you made me this tumultuous fire that too many lovers saw only as a sultry, exciting spark until it completely engulfed them, burning them to a crisp. I spent my young love years unloved and assuming any flaw was a cause for expulsion, and any affection was a sign of destiny. They both were neither.

3.) I hate that you made me feel lonely. You kept me in a tower, and fed me just enough so I wouldn't die. You gave me this grand craft that, previously, I could barely use except to stare at blank computer screens and wished my fingers could pour out the things in my head. You gave me this gift that kept me breathing, but also kept me lonely. If I didn't know how to write so well to myself, maybe I would have screamed enough for somebody to listen.

4.) I hate that you stole my intelligence. I might be brilliant. I couldn't even think about that, was convinced it was a fluke that I was so smart when I was little. But now that you've sorted out yourself, I can feel it re-emerging and I feel so sick knowing how much better I could have been; what I could've done. The years wasted, only able to use that brilliance to keep myself from cutting my own cord.

5.) I hate that you make me a lot to handle. You make me bubble with thoughts and words and sometimes, a lot of times, it overwhelms people. I'm a tornado, a twister, in constant, energetic motion. Not many people can keep up with me, and it makes me lonely. You made me lonely because no one wanted to stay; that or they couldn't. Its hard when a new person all the time.

6.) I hate that you made me so strong. I've been on the brink of death, destruction, ruin, pain, and yet I've always come back. For the severity of the things in my head that storm themselves around, I'm an anomaly. I spend half of an intake therapy session having to go into gory details of my inner workings, because without a record its not as easy for them to see me. Yet I never fall, no matter how much sometimes I wish I would. Guess, just like you, its in my synapses.

7.) I hate that you've alienated me from my family. They are nothing like me, and they don't understand me. Very few of them try, even less sympathize. Many call it a phase. Like my entire existence the past couple years is just a new level of the teenage rebellion I never had. I now know what kind of people they are, what kind of people they are capable of being. Their jokes and energy aren't worth the words they inflict behind closed doors. No family should question me on everything. No family should call my life a phase. No family should think the person I love most isn't worth it because they haven't met him.  No family should ask me to hide who I am because its better that way. I don't regret walking away. I regret having to.

8.) I hate that you make my relationship harder. I feel things too hard, and I know that's my issue. But it being such a core part of my system makes it hard for me to integrate files. We're learning, and growing, like we always do. I can't help but smile at how he motions just like I do. He's the only one I've ever met who keeps up with me. Everyone else I've always left behind, one way or another. Though hard, you do make my relationship stronger.

9.) I hate that I love parts of you, because they're my best parts. I'm already smart, but you make creativity a shade of bold that I can't even comprehend. Its hard to share with my peers when they stare at me like I'm an odd anomaly. You make me an anomaly, but as a writer, a creator, an artist, its remarkable. I can write about people like no one else I know can. I can write about emotional experiences I've never felt, but you've helped me see. If I can feel a glimmer, of that emotion, I can understand depths I've never felt. You've made teachers think I was abused, beaten, and much more, even when I wasn't. But I could feel it. My devotion to my art makes that pain a worth and I hate that.

10.) What I hate the most, though, is that I don't hate you. You have made me who I am. I wouldn't quit you, even if I had the choice. You make everything harder, and you make me scream, and you make me work. But you also help me be brilliant, and help me be understanding, and help me shine. You help me love and grow and breathe, even when you're crushing my lungs. Its maddening and barely makes sense, but I know that much. I know that no matter how angry, upset, shameful, any negative emotion, that behind it, that's not my strongest feeling towards you. My strongest is that you are one of my favorite things about me. I hate that people can call me crazy because of you, but I accept it because I'm my happiest crazy. I'm my happiest with you.
You taste like static
and your eyes look like hot coals
Let my body fizz
Ease me into your skin
I want to know what dying is
 Oct 2016 kiko
President Snow
Hihilingin ko sana na ako nalang uli, Basha
Pero hindi pa ako buo
Hindi ko pa kayang balikan ka at ayusin ka
Hindi ko kayang ayusin ka habang ako ay sira
Hindi ko pa kaya, Basha

Hihilingin ko sana na ako nalang uli
Pero hindi pa ako matatag
Maari ako ay muling mabiyak at mabasag
Ayokong matulad ka sakin Basha
Ayokong malungkot kang muli

Hihilingin ko sana na ako nalang uli
Pero hindi ko pa kayang masaktan pa
Masaktan at madamay ka ay hindi ko nais pa
Hindi ko gustong mawala ka, Basha
Pero hindi ko rin gustong masaktan ka

Hihilingin ko sana na ako nalang uli
Pero nakita ko ang iyong napaka gandang ngiti
Ang dating nakikita ko sa tuwina saki'y nakatangin
Ang ngiting hindi kailanman kayang limutin
Hindi ko kayang makita kang may iba, Basha

Kaya hindi ko hihilingin na sana ako nalang uli
Basha, hihilingin kong ako nalang ang huli
Basha, ako nalang, Ako nalang ang huli
Inspired by One more chance. Popoy and Basha mga bes
 Sep 2016 kiko
Emily Dickinson

When One has given up One’s life
The parting with the rest
Feels easy, as when Day lets go
Entirely the West

The Peaks, that lingered last
Remain in Her regret
As scarcely as the Iodine
Upon the Cataract.
 Aug 2016 kiko
Sy Lilang

Ilang beses na akong sumusulat ng tula,
Nagbilang ng talatang puno ng metapora,
At naglaan ng kuwit sa humihingal na mga pangungusap.

Ilang beses na akong humukay ng alaala,
Mabigyang buhay lamang ang reporma ng katha,
Makaniig  lamang ng puso ang mga mambabasa.

Ilang beses na akong nagtapon ng papel,
Naubusan ng tinta't napurulan ng panulat.

Ilang beses ko nang sinabi saking sariling
"Hihinto na ako sa sa pagsusulat."
Bagkus sa bawat pintig ng puso'y
Tanging Ikaw ang pamagat.

At sa bawat pagsalin ng lenggwahe ng damdami'y
Ni hindi masilayan ang binagtas ng pusong marupok na.

Ilang beses na akong nagtula,
Pero paulit-ulit ang tugma,
Ikaw at Ikaw pa rin ang pamagat.
 Jul 2016 kiko
If I had to compare you to anything at all,
Really, Oxygen would be my first call.
They say it makes us sure and carefree,
Yet it heats the body and calms it too.
So if I had to pick a thing for you to be,
I imagine you are my own O two.

Here’s how my mind fathoms you in its roll,
Here’s how I think you take your toll.
I need you and You need me,
I use you to hear, understand, see.
When you are near I concur to happiness,
When too close I edge towards madness,
More often than not it comes to the latter,
But in short, to me, you matter.

So you see,  I need you in any possible way,
Like O two, you captivate me every second of the day,
When you are gone I shake with yearning,
When you are near my heart is burning.
Therefore, should you ever have a doubt,
Know that without you,
                               I would not hold out.
I gave you
The whole world,
The sun,
It wasn't until you left,
And I sat in the sunless days
And the moonless nights,
That I realized you took
And gave
 Jul 2016 kiko
Rachael Judd
 Jul 2016 kiko
Rachael Judd
Oh, and darling
If you asked
for water
I'd bring you the ocean
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