if the sun
doesn't embrace you with warmth
then i will.

if the leaves
don't blush red and fall for you
then i will.

if the flowers
don't bloom and burst for you
then i will.

if the ocean
doesn't sing you to sleep
then i will.

and if this poem
doesn't love you
then i will.

who was it - walking down the school corridor?

a Spanish teacher?

an honors student?

a football player?

you'll never know; you didn't care.

did it feel good,
mister shooter?
to pull the trigger on

a mother?

a best friend?

a boyfriend?

to take the lives of family and friends and lovers of innocent people?

was seeing those who have hurt you
suffer by your hand
worth a life behind bars?


16 years old

yet you think you have the right to take away life?

You came to me in the summer sun
Skin bathed in soft radiance
A gentle smile
And gentler words

You came to me like cookie dough
Spilling through my fingers
With chocolate eyes and caramel skin
And a laugh sweeter than either

You came to me on paper planes
Soaring above a sea of people
Heights that we could dream of reaching
Arms extended to the sky

You came to me as a pen scratching on paper
Late at night in a dimly lit room
Pages of messy thoughts on clean lines
“I love you” and jumbled nothings

And you left me in the pouring rain
Drowning in the depth of your words
Yet, still I would sink even further
If it meant to see you again.

i’m terrified
because i know
one day i’ll die

not just my body
but my memory
everything that remains of me

one day i’ll truly die
nobody will whisper my name again
and i’ll become

irrelevant

insignificant

unimportant

someday, nobody will think of me ever again
all i was
all i wish i could be
all i will be

will mean nothing.

don’t try to captivate me with desire
for your body
for your touch
for your love

i don’t want it.

my waifu will never hurt me
your love will never be as warm as my computer

i have 2D girls, i don’t need you.

when i first laid eyes on you
you captivated me with you dark, round eyes
and your full, brilliant lips
only to speak even more brilliant things

“FeelsGoodMan”

you whispered to me
and i caressed your green skin
i saved many different versions of you
for they were all so perfect

i was there for you
and you for me
but one day
you left me
for my love was not enough
to match the attention
of millions of normies.

yet still i love you
although you left me
and maybe you weren’t my first love
probably not my last either
you are the most important.

what puts you to sleep at night?
what gets you out of bed in the morning?

what do you listen to when you're sad?
what do you listen to when you think of me?

what do you think of the color of the sky?
what do you think of the meanings of clouds?

do you look at the stars and think of me?
do you care if i look at the stars and think of you?

whats your favorite scent?
what smells remind you of time with me?

do you think about the meaning of our lives?
do you think about how out of seven billion and counting people
you're the one i fell in love with?

if i could write you a love poem
you know in an instant i would

but no words i could ever comprehend
would possibly be enough

to tell you how every day
every inch of my skin yearns for your touch
and i want nothing more
than to crawl inside of you
so that i never have to be away from you

to tell you how whenever i think of you
somewhere inside of me lights up
i want to pull that light out of me
and give it to you
so you know how i feel

to tell you how i know it’s not fathomable
yet i fall for you more every day
i want to peek inside your brain
and know that you’re thinking about me
as much as i do you

to tell you how i’m afraid
that someday i’ll lose you
and i’d rather you **** me
because i would rather die by your hands
than to live to see someone else take what’s mine.

your scars are not beautiful
nobody is going to kiss your cuts
and you are not a tiger
whose earned their stripes

nor are you desirable
for the gap between your legs
or for your ribs
trying to escape your chest

nobody wants to see your bones
you are not strong
and you are not a hero
for going days without eating

feeling empty is not romantic
nobody is coming to save you

nobody else can fix you.

maybe i was just suicidal

for knowing the inescapable truth

and loving you anyways


how can someone who can’t love himself
possibly understand how to love me?

who were you
                                                                                         before you were hurt?

when just wanting to hurt isn’t enough
i sit alone
and wait for someone

but nobody comes
nobody helps
and all that remains
is the suggestion of relief
and the promise of pain

so once again
i’ll give into my vices
take up the scissors
and drag the cold metal across my wrists
it hurts.

but hurting is better than feeling nothing at all
and i’d rather slit my own wrists
than feel the pain of being scarred
by someone else

i’m sitting alone
in a room full of people
trying to find the words
to make my desire to die
sound poetic and romantic

-  it’s not working