Caitlyn Dee Sep 2017
i still feel broken down
like a road less traveled by
but one that still has cracks
and weeds growing
from under the concrete

and there is a storm in the distance
i can feel it beckoning me
into its cold yet harboring embrace
i feel at peace here,
standing on the precipice of
what i know will haunt me
but wanting so achingly to fall into

this stretch of familiarity
goes on for miles
i almost cannot see the end
but maybe that is just my eyes
playing tricks on me
alluring me until i am ridden
with paralyzation;
until i am a statue,
reminding those of what used to be

this road may never be re-paved again,
the storm might threaten to destroy all that i have,
and i might be tempted to chip away at myself

at least i am still standing
Caitlyn Dee Sep 2017
i will stitch myself up
like a thousand kisses
to a bullet heart
that pierced my lungs
i will learn to forgive
and i will learn to
make mistakes
and grow from them
i will take my scarred skin
and lie on a thousand petals
so i will feel
as lovely as i know i should
there is nothing wrong
with starting over
and growing again
i will plant myself
on new soil
so i can take in
a different perspective
and it's okay to crumble
but that shouldn't
make you
who you are
you are more than that
you a thousand leagues more
than that
Caitlyn Dee Sep 2017
there’s a sort of familiarity
about my sadness
like an old flame
who lights you up
every now and then
knowing you two shouldn’t
but do anyway
and you’re left more burnt
than before
but the fire is a sort of comfort
because that’s what you’ve known
for so long
and you hate feeling like
your whole foundation
is being turned to ashes
blown away into a tomorrow
that you never quite want to see
but the embers rage for so long
they start to feel cold
so you don’t know what to do
when it is all extinguished
except wonder why
you let yourself feel this way
in the first place
Caitlyn Dee Jul 2017
why is it
that i feel like crumbling
in a room full of people?
why is it
that i don't see anyone's eyes
flicker like a supernova
when they see me?
why is it that i can build people up
so they can see the sky
go on for miles on end,
but i tear myself down
until i am inside the earth
feeling its breaths in sync
with my own?
i want to feel as bright
and as big as the sun
but i keep caving in on myself
i'm so tired
of looking at myself
and seeing nothing
but sadness buried in my bones
i want existing to stop feeling so heavy
i want to feel alive again
without wondering what the catch is
why is that
so much to ask?
Caitlyn Dee Jul 2017
i could live without you,
but that is something that would be hard to achieve
as if i wanted to succeed in something like forgetting about you
because you run laps around my head,
to the point where my brain has to stop you
just so your legs don't give out

i always told myself to not allow another human to become my happiness
but you make my heart so bright
kind of like i swallowed yellow paint,
but without all the toxic side effects

i was in a rut for awhile
but your touch made all the good come back to me
like it never left
and i felt okay on my own
but you made my okay burst into a thousand great's

and that's more than enough
you are more than enough
Caitlyn Dee Nov 2016
for all the times
you threw me out,
i think i've finally landed
on my own two feet
my ankle could be sprained though
and i think my knees are bruised
from begging you so many damn times to just

too many times did i dry your tears with my own
only to be backhanded with an abundance of silence and indifference

i made you a mountain out of all i could pour out to you,
and yet you never bothered to climb it to see the beautiful sunrise up there waiting for you
because you made me feel like a new day

but now the sun is setting
and your face is silhouetted by the shadows
there's no moon tonight;
only the stars that watched us
come together
and fall a p a r t

and for all the times
you let me break,
i think i've finally put myself back together
my hands are shaky though
and i think they're deeply cut
but maybe you'll look at them
and you'll see the damage
you inflicted on my heart

*at least i'm not crumpled up on the floor anymore
Caitlyn Dee Nov 2016
when it rains diamonds on jupiter,
i can see you smiling from a million miles away
the stars seem to be aligned,
and i think those might be the diamonds we always talked about;
the ones in your eyes,
twinkling like those that rain on saturn
you are born from the universe and the planets themselves
and one day,
i hope you return home to it all
only then will you know that you are far more significant than the simply complex body you were given for your soul to temporarily inhabit
because when it rains diamonds,
*the skies are crying for you
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