Catherine VanVooren

Catherine VanVooren Apr 2015

So what do I do now?
This is what I say to myself.
Do I leave you behind to discover myself?
Or, do I discover myself my staying in your arms?

When will you decide?
This is what my friends ask me.
When I will decide to give up on us.
When I will set myself free, or doom myself to loneliness.

Just let things happen.
This is what I tell myself to procrastinate.
This is how I prolong these thoughts.
I just wait to ask myself and answer those questions another day.

If only you knew.
I wish I knew too, but my thoughts confuse me.
My thoughts get confused with everyone else's.
*I'm sorry.

#confused #thoughts #help #sorry #procrastinate

Catherine VanVooren Apr 2014

Especially Now.

I never thought I could be happy again.
Especially on my own.
I never thought there would ever be a real smile on my face.
Especially without anyone to hold.
I never thought I would make it through the days.
Especially if I couldn't spend them with someone else.

But now...especially now...I don't care.
I mean that in the best way I can.
Now I don't care that I don't have someone to love me.

Because now...finally now...I have learned to love myself.

#love #self #life #happy #lost #on #worth #confidence #nevermind #pleased #moved

Catherine VanVooren Mar 2014

My Hope

My hope is that this is my last sad poem.
I really hope it is.
I want to be able to write poems about love and joy..
and Happiness.

Why can't I seem to find anything of that nature these days?
I hope I will.

I don't want to write about how you've hurt me,
lied to me,
cheated me,
deceived me,
and disappointed me in the way that you have.

I want to write about how in love I am,
how full of relaxation I am,
how content I am,
But I'm not.

I hope that this is my last sad poem.
I really hope it is.
I want to find a certain someone.
Who can help me with that.
For the long run.
*Always.

As if breaking up with someone once isn't enough. And to later find out that you lied? ****.

Catherine VanVooren Mar 2014

All I want is an Answer.

All I really feel is confused.

Why you would hurt me, why you'd abuse.

I know you don't mean to, but I feel so used.

These are the things that make me confused.

All I want to know is the truth.

I already know the answer, I have the proof.

My feelings shoot through the roof.

Why can't you just tell me the truth?

I know you care, I know you do.

I really care & love you too.

I think and I believe that our love is true.

All I need is reassurance from you.

This goes out to all the other confused people out there.

Catherine VanVooren Mar 2014

And to think...You were Different.

I love you.
I still do.
It's true.

You are the one for me, or at least I thought so.

I suppose I'm just disappointed in you, because you really got my hopes up.

Everything was perfect with you, and it still is.

When we're together, everything feels right.
My endless nights have finally seen the light.

I hope we can have another chance someday.
You say we will...but *who really knows anymore.

Even through all of this ignoring and confusion and disappointment,
I still wouldn't trade you for the world.
You're still perfect.
**For me.

Catherine VanVooren Feb 2014

You Know Who You Are

I hope you've realized what you've done.
I think about it every day...still.
I know we've both moved on for the best.
But the fact still stands...I had faith in you.
I trusted you.
Felt you.
Needed you.
Loved you.
I know I'll see better days ahead now that this is all over.
But I still sometimes wonder...
Did you ever really care?
Or perhaps..
Do you understand what you've done?
I still haven't any closure.
You stole my pride, my dignity, my heart.
It took me almost a year to find it again.
But you seemed to have yours always intact.
How? How did you do this?
I suppose you'll never understand.

Catherine VanVooren Feb 2014

Here.

To be...or not to be...?
Here.
That is the ultimate question.
Do I stay in this dreadful place?
Or do I let my life go to waste?
Do I leave this life to try again?
Or perhaps..I decide it's really worth it in the end.
They say it's darkest before the dawn, maybe it is.
I'd like to find out...maybe...
If I stay here...will my life unfurl?
Will the brightness overflow my soul?
So many questions left unanswered.
Here.
I guess I'll stay. To decide again another day.
Here.

— The End —