The most two-faced is the one living inside me;
the air I once breathed became polluted and made my soul black
When I became weak, I pushed myself to the floor
All those scars & cuts became bad memories that live on
I had fun drawing, but it wasn’t on paper
There was no eraser; I couldn’t erase the damage on my body
and that red liquid that dripped wasn’t paint
I tried to swim against my demons but they were a better swimmer
The ground I walked on was bumpy when I tried to walk away from the past
I needed to run away and hide from my fears but I was found
I felt warmth but then it turned cold
Then I heard every sound until my ears started to hurt
I kept my eyes opened but the tears ran down my cheeks and blocked my vision
A breath of fresh air became dusty and I began to choke
The reality was that I couldn’t be alive around myself
My wounds are healed but I keep bleeding
I can swim, but I’m drowning
I can walk, but I’m tripping
I can run, but I’m falling
I can feel, but I’m numb
I can hear, but I’m deaf
I can see, but I’m blind
I can breathe, but I’m hyperventilating
I can live, but I’m dying

I gave myself extra attention
but it was the kind that wasn’t safe
I accepted the anger that turned my face red
It stole the happiness I lost
I hugged the mirror only when I cried
I kissed my pillow that I slept on for years missing the innocence
that I tried to hide
I inhaled that anxiety so deep cause it made me dizzy
I liked falling on the floor to wake my demons up to torment me
I loved the darkness cause it scared me
it was my alarm clock from insomnia to keep me awake
I gave words but I was a bad influence
and convinced myself to drink
So I welcomed that poison liquid, to wash away all of my fears
I accepted being drunk all the time,
because it brought out the stranger that I got along with
I gave all my love, but to a knife
and worshipped the blood that flowed out of my skin
cause it made me so dizzy
I gave all my trust to my mind
and it only hurt cause I loved myself for all the wrong reasons

It all started when that salty water from the eyes, creates its first tears;
making a skin damp that can quickly be wiped off
That damp skin turned wet when the tears became heavy
Its hard to quickly wipe now; there is more salt water burning my face
I felt a puddle, underneath my body
I thought a sadness passed, but I was stepping in my tears now
I stepped out of my puddle,
then fell into a river
I gasped for air from the thin layer of water that covered me
I felt like I was half drowned;
and that my strength broke from me
I figured out my anxiety, my anger & fears
I figured out my sadness, my moods & nightmares
Im actually sinking
because now I created an ocean,
and Im actually drowning
I never knew a drop of rain could turn into a drop of my body;
drowning purposely by me

He secured me where he wanted me as the bed indented from my body
The soft kisses became hard *******; marking up my neck while I tried to breathe
I felt his hands all over me, slithering below my waist
Then his fingers assisted his tongue with a taste
His knuckles made a sound while hitting my bone
My whispers changed, and turned into moans
He broke my silence, but I couldn’t speak
No words came out; only a scream
Looking forward to the rest of the night,
I couldn’t wait for something bigger to go inside

I heard the sound of his belt buckle hitting the floor
Then when he separated my
knees, I kept wanted more
Our naked bodies were taking a beating from the loud clapping we were making
His hands became part of the bed, being underneath my ****;
squeezing me while my vocal cords were stressing themselves out
I kept breathing hard and he went faster
I kept screaming louder and he went harder
I kept scratching his back and he went deeper

He wanted full control
So then he flipped me over as my hips were gripped tight;
Getting ready as he went behind
My voice was fainting, as he ignored
I couldn’t handle that beautiful pain, but I still wanted the amazing pleasure
His body was always like a machine
He loved when I couldn’t handle the moves that made me scream
His hands connected with what was below my lower back
That redness appeared a little after his spanks
Suddenly I felt a yank on my head
My hair was in a ponytail held tight by his hand
His other hand wrapped around my neck
I could barely move as his torso rested on my back
There was a rush of unexplainable sounds
Each new position wanted their rounds
Our breath dried out our mouths; making us choke
Then my screams strained my vocal chords & throat
Our skin became louder, making ourselves red
The ending had approached as we soaked up the bed

His lips trap me from speaking, but he allows me to scream
As our tongues make conversation, my hair is automatically locked inside his fist
Then he showers me with his tongue until I beg him to enter
I feel my heart beating hard inside my throat as I try to catch every
breath of the pleasure that I take
Im being moved into different positions every minute
Im being detained after every pleasure
My ears are popped from the ******* of his mouth to my neck
My body is cracking from the way he positions my back
Handcuffs were a bit different this time; they were replaced with his hands
I couldn’t move, but he moved me
I couldn’t breathe, but he made me gasp for air
Those ****** noises turned a quiet house loud
I broke free of my silence, then made him deaf from my screams he brings on
Its so intense I need him to stop
The cramping in my ovaries
and the poking of my ribs
its pleasure & pain when he forcefully gives in
He still has a grip; not only on my hips, but my whole body
He holds me tight, making sure our skin stays attached
My walls inside are scratched and bleeding with pleasure  
My ****** is bruised and scarred with ******
I gave up on trying to catch my breath
I only wanted to suffocate sexually even more
Those bedsheets make it even harder to breathe under while he’s taking control

I keep fighting off these tornadoes that makes my heart pound hard
The tornadoes that comes from anxiety; makes my stomach turn
The hyperventilation blows me down
The dizziness that happens when I can hardly breathe
All i see is a spinning room when I want it stop
I use anything as leverage to help me get
up, and also walk
I sweat without moving
It just feels like I’m exhausted without working hard
and my mind is working ******* me..

Craving for relaxation,
the milligrams called me
Immediately my mind was silenced; in a deep sleep
I sedated myself so I can also sleep
Relieved this anxiety that had me in chains
and took away my mind that is now in pain
Its so tiny, but those benefits are huge
I needed a release from all this tension
The sudden drowsiness wrings out the normality within me
I love the feeling of being sluggish
The sudden calmness got my breathing finally under control
Those bitter thoughts turned sweet
This cold heart turned warm
These muscle spasms loosened up
This tranquilizer targeted all my fears, anxiety, & worries
Now the bed catches me as I embrace this new feeling
Unfortunately it’s temporary
so my mind is jailed,
until its set free

With your face on my neck, I felt those teeth digging inside like a vampire
Couldn’t breathe as you ******,
and still couldn’t  breathe when you took your mouth off
Those marks left me bruised throughout my body
I suddenly felt a tickle throughout my skin
Your fingers were wandering on a naked canvas that only you can paint on
You coloured my neck, that now bleeds down below my waist
That canvas had a tunnel;
you found your way inside to paint in a dark secret place
I felt every stroke, grasping my insides
while your tongue tried to catch the drips
You finally undressed; revealing a bigger paintbrush
Then I felt every inch before you even started put it to use
Your gentle touch brought me down; placing me how you wanted me to look on the bed
I was a model ready to get ruined
A beautiful disaster was waiting to happen

I felt like you broke me
Felt like you ruined me
That brush punctured me
Those pieces were released from me
Then my breathing finally slowed down on me
That blank canvas had your signature design,
with my clear, liquid paint
that splattered everywhere