Im looking for a way to break away from this weakness
I was separated from my strength and now i feel myself falling over
I feel my nerves shaking as the anxiety approaches
The air inside my lungs is escaping fast as i try to take a breath
Its too fast for me to catch and my heart is pounding harder
Thoughts racing;
My happiness is escaping
My tears are burning my insides until they pour out all the pain
I feel like im releasing all the water thats left inside my body;
Im so dehydrated
Im so dry that im choking on my own air
I can just feel the air escape as i try to breathe
Im losing it all as i try to grasp the memories that turn around and make negativity on me
I wanna black out and forget
But im seeing every darkness instead
Im thinking too hard
Or im being murdered inside my thoughts
I have the weapon;
And i have been using it inside my nightmares
Im fighting but nothing is being done
Im crying and im the only one
Racing heart;
I can feel it pounding
Shaking;
Im unstable
Hyperventilating;
Im dizzy
Hot flashes;
Im burning
Eyes are blurry;
The tears are falling
Weakness;
Im on the floor

The words of truth make me scream until i cry
I can no longer hear anymore
I can no longer speak anymore
Now i wont use my words anymore
My body seems to be the one in charge
Im a disguised stranger;
And i look inside a broken mirror
The pieces that shattered has broken me
I fell apart and disappeared
With the blood on the floor
I slipped and lay on the ******
I created a scene so deep
Inside my mind, im weak
But the weakness strengthened me to harm..
I have been injected with strength
And then the force takes over my body
I dont wanna scream anymore
So i raise my hands at my throat
I dont wanna run away anymore
So i put my feet in front of myself for me to fall
I dont wanna feel anymore
So i numbed myself with sharp edges
I dont wanna cry anymore
So i guide my fingers to scratch my eyes
I dont wanna be hurt anymore
But i wanted to feel it all over again

I feel my heart pounding as im forced to hold in what i should release
I just wanna hide when i feel the tears behind my eyes
I cannot breathe when i hold back my fears
My heart opens & wants to spill it all out
But my mind works differently
Im hiding behind darkness and i can't show myself in the light
Each time i want to express,
Is when i wanna cry
I look in the mirror and notice a shine in my eyes
A shine that never left
A shine when i was supposed to cry
I hold back so much, when i should be able to speak
But my mind has my tongue in knots
My mind put a block to my speech
Everything is too late
I know because i tried
Trying to reveal the tension
Trying to change the lies
Everything is too late for me to hold back
The anxiety
The depression
The moods that cant make me relax
Out and about, yes im ok
I wanna cry so bad but i have the anxiety for people to judge
So when im behind a closed door
Im unable to see
Im unable to see because its blurry
Thats when im blind
And thats when i finally cry
Glossy and hidden;
These arent contact lenses..
Its a start
A start to a fear
And then a tear appears when im in front of my mirror
And then i finish drowning behind a door

I cant stay awake anymore
My body is giving out
Its tired; not for sleep,
But a crave to be in peace
I wanna know that in the end everything will be ok
I continue to fear,
I continue to have nightmares
And then i wanna disappear
The nights of hyperventilating
The nights of tears
The nights of worry
The nights of fears
I try to erase it all
But im only making it all stay
I wanna erase it all
But it will never go away
My thought; their racing
And i cant chase them to make them die
I learned to hide, but i never learned to be invisible
I was always caught from my fears
My hiding spots were taken away
& i found myself so many times;
Deep inside a hole
A black hole that blinded me
But i stayed awake to fight
Bit then i ended up getting so tired
So tired of the ******* that lurked around me
I fought but then i lost
I my mind won a thousand times
And then my heart broke into pieces knowing my body gets weaker each day
Emotionally tired; i have nowhere to rest the thoughts;
Even make them go away
My heart tired itself fighting for another chance
I lay here tired
Emotionally tired
I lay here restless
Physically restless
I lay here numb
Spiritually numb
I lay here broken
Mentally broken

I wanna turn back time to the part where happiness stayed
Then i could think clearly
And i wouldnt be insane
The silence got ruined from my screams in which i was scared
I wanted to hide
But i just couldnt hide
My darkness inside me hadnt disappeared
I feel like my neck got smaller with an invisible rope that squeezed me
So tightly;
I couldnt breathe
I couldnt speak
And i couldnt eat
My eyes turned black;
Thats when i couldnt see
Nothing was clear
And my tears couldnt wash it away
Nothing was near
The help i needed, couldnt stay
I curse the mirror that hangs
Its a stranger inside a hidden wall
I curse the darkness that came
For the times it made me fall
I tried to run
I tried to escape
But i was found
And i was framed
Never have i ever been so terrified that i had to cry
Never have i ever been so scared that i wanted to die
And this time im drowning
Not in water; but in my tears
My worries wont ever disappear
The more deeper i go
The more i run
The other side of the tunnel will approach me
And its not the sun
Its too late to change
To change what i feel
I cant go back and change it all
This fear that chases me is real

I was waiting for that moment that my loneliness would change
The moment that i felt everything;
That moment that i felt beautiful pain
Underneath had been revealed
I feel the gentle touch from your hands
I feel the warmth of your body
I feel the soft touch from your lips
And this is only the beginning
Started with a kiss
So innocent
So sweet
Then i couldnt breathe
So trapped
So weak
And then my lips; indented from your teeth
The swelling of the lips that i couldnt speak
I was locked inside your mouth
The hard breathing that i couldnt control
I was trapped under your body
The screaming that i couldnt hold in
I learned you hated silence
The darkness blinded our eyes
But we can feel
The feeling of being restraint
But the excitement is real
The reality of the kiss
The reality of the love
The reality of the plan
The energy that couldnt stop

Its a mixture of emotions
Emotions that wont change
I still wonder why i continued to be insane
Where i stand,
Is the same spot i began with
I cannot erase my footprints if they were always mistakes i didnt change
I wanted to bury my hurts, my scars, and the memories
I wanted to close the doors, the windows, and lights
I wanted to erase the images, the words, and the time
I wanted start over but i strength already died
I didnt know that i was still struggling
I didnt know that i was still weak
I didnt know that i finally lost it all
I didnt know how to speak
I didnt know i still had to fight
I didnt know i was still had to bleed
I didnt know i still had to take pain
I didnt know how to breathe
Some days im fine
But then it all turns on me
I cant see if im blinded by negativity
I cant even breathe if i choke on all the pain
I still think,
And then i worry
I still worry,
And then i get anxiety
I get anxious,
Then i feel the anger
I get angry,
Then i feel the depression
I get depressed,
Then i cry
I feel the tears,
But i dont know why