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I stood silent, still
City lights and sounds rained down
Forming musical puddles all around
Eyes dart everywhere to pull it all in
Lungs working to pump it all out
Filth in the gutters
Trash in the streets
Everyone moving quickly
Business at their feet
Neon signs did buckle
Under the weight of picturesque pomp
I had no idea what I was getting into
Watching the curved lines of this city's model stomp
My colors don't belong here
Foreign, sore thumb seed
Everyone comments on bringing spring in
For earth is what they truly need
How could anyone be happy in a place
Where everyone is wearing black
I left with thoughts of open fields
Oceans against my toes
I say to myself I'll never go back
...but who knows?
no guilt lives here
no binding fear
no last chance proof
no remedies moot

the hollowed heart
pounds still
the measured mark
unfilled

driven thoughts
will stay their course
amid the freaks
of future's force

change of mind
is change of time
chain this shame - raise this blind
fork this road - freeze this cold
bide this crime - bend this fold

embattled breath
to and fro
know no rest - take this toll

buried love
long and low
climb this crest - breach this hole

here where no guilt lives
where the hollow heart pounds still
pumping pain like a train through my brain
'til i'm a free bird in the rain
'til i'm a T-Bird in a frame
'til i'm a face without a name
Genesis 4:6-7

Verse 6.  Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast?”

Sin, our own sin, causes us to produce the fruits of the flesh; anger is one of many and it leads to destruction. God is asking Cain a question to which he already knows the answer to. Our loving and gracious Father desires for us to be free. To do this we must be honest, let go and speak freely to God and open up. Give your passed sin and wickedness to Jesus; He’s far more suitable to carry such a burden. Regret truly can weigh heavily on ones heart. I may not understand the regret of ****** but I can understand hate and the regret that forms out of it. In 1 John 3:15 it says, “Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.” So to those who are, God asks, “why are you angry?” “Why is your face downcast?.”

Verse 7. “If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?”

A Holy God must always separate good and evil. When you turn from God and forget the love He has and the sacrifice Jesus made for all of us; God must pull back. But even in that He is there, although you will soon find yourself in the darkest place you've ever known. God is there, waiting with open arms for you to return. “Do what is right.” What is right, what is good and holy in the eyes of our Lord? James 1:27(NIV) says,  “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” Where are the broken? Who will go to those who have nothing?

Verse 7. “But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door”

Like Peter, once you take your focus off of Jesus, you begin to sink. Put your full trust in our Savior. Let go, be free, and allow the Spirit of God to lead you, to guid you; only through Him and with Him will you accomplish wonders. Until our Father allows Jesus to return we are to fight the good fight of faith. Be strong, be unyielding; Fierce as a lion and gentle like a lamb. Sin will always wait, at times it seems to be far more patient then Gods people. Give in to sin and it will choke you out. Like a ravenous dog, sin is ready to thrash and rip apart anything in sight. and it’s been doing just that since the fall of Lucifer.

Verse 7.  “It desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

In Gods own mercy he decides to give Cain advise. Yahweh speaks gently to Cain with words of wisdom; warning him of what sin has in store. “It desires to have you.” Sin wants control and complete control over you; “give it a foot and it will take a mile.” Thankfully, we have hope, even more so now since we have the Spirit of God living and dwelling within us, something Cain couldn't fathom at that time. God say’s “you must rule over it.” Rule over our sin? How much more can we, having God living in us and empowering us, do just that; we can rule over our sin.
Take me as I am..
Why won't you just take me as I am?
I exhaled the broken glass as ash filled my eyes. My only resource now is to cry.
I am unseen , unsure of the bleak misinterpretation of how to love.
I am the girl in the dark corner grasping my face so you won't see my horrid unwantedness
Trapped in a hell of massive trash.
I am that trash.
Depression. It's not even depression.
It's a drowning.
I am drowning in the words of self loath.
Self hate. A strong separation of smiles that are fake.
Tease me.
My rugged attire makes me unpleased, unpleasant.
Just drastic.
The prowling of the night kills the rapid storms chasing the good I may see.
A teenage drama queen couldn't even express how depressed that line made me.
this memory
this ghost for hire
for which i pay dearly
is worth as much, or more

these blue night skies
and black sky days
deserve as much, or more

rainy eyes my mind clouds make
sunny eyes my mind clouds fake

take, take, take
that is all she does
it is all she knows

this ghost
this memory
this love
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