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cassandra garate May 2018
My soul is clawing me up inside.
    Yet i still strive.
My soul wears away with time.
       Yet i still strive.
My mind screams at me like a warden to its prisoner.
         Yet i still strive.
My surroundings cage me like prey within a venus fly trap.
           Yet i still strive.
The fire in my heart roars and dies but never balances as it sears me alive.
             Yet i still strive.
I can feel my shoulders crumble from the weight of expectations slowly crushing me.
               Yet i still strive.
I can feel my vision of bright skies and bright futures fade.
                 Yet i still strive.
I can feel my throat close in on itself, forcing me to watch my relationships from afar.
                     Yet i still strive.
I can feel the eyes on me, watching me, waiting for me to fall.
                        Yet i still strive.
I can hear death tempting me with his sweet lullaby of everlasting peace.
                          Yet i still strive.
I can hear the echoes of my past calling my name, screaming my worth.
                              Yet i still strive.
I can taste the tears of all my sorrow, the salt bitter and sad.
                                 Yet i still strive.
I can see the shadows of my former self, hating me.
                                   Yet i still strive.
I can see her point her finger at me and ask, "why do you even try?"

I answered, "because i know that I'll get by."
For the people who care for me,
For the times that i have suffered,
For my happiness,
                                                      I'll strive.
I hope you guys like it, please let me know what you think
cassandra garate Jan 2018
I am filled with a hatred,
A constant stream of negative thoughts drown my head.

I am suffocating under the weight of my loathing,
A river of pain where im floating.

I feel as if I'm cursed,
The happiness and love from others feels rehearsed.

I am a doll of broken dreams,
Empty and falling apart at the seams.

I am hanging by a thread everyday,
Walking a thin rope to avoid all this pain.

I stare into the distance within a shelter of myself,
Never moving as i hide in my shell.

There are good days,
I hate that I'm numb on a very great day.

I'm either numb or in pain,
The happiness comes as frequent as a desert's rain.

Maybe im selfish,
Maybe im just helpless.

I get swallowed in fear when talking to people,
My thoughts dealing hits blow after blow.

I can't tell people that i love my feelings,
They'll just say it's nothing.

I'm suffocating inside myself,
The things I love doing doesn't help.

What's going on with me?
That question is only answered in theories.

If I go,
They'll know.

I can't take the pity,
I don't want their fury.

I hate it!
I hate all this ****!

I hate it
Hate it

Hate
Hate
Hate
Hate...

I hate feeling like this,
I want a way out of this
I want to be free of this hell,

I want to love myself.
cassandra garate Jan 2018
That small town girl truly is living in a  lonely world.
That city boy knows what troubles the girl,
Doing nothing,
Seeing her sanity rotting.
He says dont stop believing,
Dont stop achieving.
The girl can no longer hear his words,
They repeat over and over,
Not changing a thing.
What she wouldn't give to change everything?
He keeps saying that useless line like his life depended on it,
She was so sick of it.
She can't breathe,
She can't sleep.
She feels like she's falling into a pit,
A useless and empty pit of meaningless ****.
She can't hear those words anymore,
She has already passed that door.
She's gone now,
Leaving behind a dark cloud.
There is the city boy again,
Mourning his friend.
It's just a city boy in a lonely world.
A truly hopeless lonely world.
Hello, its been so long since I've written a poem. Sorry if it's kind of bleh. Also this poem is kind of a play on the dont stop believing song with my own twist. I hope you like it.
cassandra garate Sep 2016
I can feel the fear inside me consume me,
Taking away all that i could be.
I can feel my heart pulse,
All good feelings come to a halt.
I can feel my breathing become unsteady,
My lungs feel so heavy.
Panic, fear, and fright,
All swarm and conquer day and night.
How i wish i didnt feel this way,
How i wish it would go away.
I clutch the blankets as i try to steady myself,
Trying to be my old self.
Im not strong enough,
Its never enough.
Im losing sight of my happiness,
I can feel my body wear away from stress.
Its wears you away,
How i hope i feel better one day.
Why cant it leave?
Why does this happen to me?
Fear of people and i cant seem to trust,
I feel it tarnishing me like rust.
Im fading,
Im failing.
So much emotions,
And i dont know any of them.
Why am i this way?
What are they?
cassandra garate Apr 2016
**** feeling beautiful from one person. **** feeling beauty from the presence of a person. Ladies and gentlemen, go love yourself. Don't depend on a stupid other being to love you. Want to know why? Because that supposed person that makes you feel beautiful can ******* tear down your walls and creep into your heart. That ****** will call you beautiful, they will make you feel so good about yourself and then they will ******* take it away from you. One minute you're beautiful and the next, you feel so ******* ugly because they put you there. They had some much power over you and they used it to hurt you. Don't go for someone who makes you feel beautiful. Don't give them that ******* power over you. It only takes a stupid action and word to destroy all the progress that you made for your self esteem. Don't depend on someone to make you feel beautiful, you ******* are! You're beautiful and just amazing. Love yourself. Because there are people who ******* want to hurt you for being amazing.
cassandra garate Feb 2016
Where are they now?
Where are my friends?
Everyday I contemplate what, why and how,
However they're not here in the end.

I miss them,
I wonder if they miss me.
Are they really my friends?
Do they think about me?

I worry about them,
Are they ok?
I wonder if I was a good friend.
What if they weren't ok?

I wonder if I did anything wrong,
Were they annoyed by me?
Did I annoy them all along?
Do they know how much they mean to me?

Don't they know how much I hurt?
Don't they know how much I needed their comfort?
Where were they when I needed them?
Weren't they supposed to be my friends?

Where are they now?
I don't know when, I don't know how.
I know only one thing,
I care about them despite everything.

To my friends,
Go ahead and leave.
I don't care in the end,
I only want you to be happy.

Even if I get hurt,
I don't need the comfort.
Even if it's painful,
I don't care about it all.

I love you guys more than anything,
I don't want you to be unhappy.
Even if leave me after everything,
I won't stand in the way of your happiness.
Meh not my best but it's ok for now, I will probably modify it some more
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