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2h · 44
La Película
The movie was on as I sat down and watched.
Started laughing so hard, my bowl of popcorn was tossed.
Belly laughing so suddenly, it just couldn't be stopped.
I can't figure out why this movie flopped.
Laughter's good medicine, in fact so much so,
If I can go out laughing, than that's how I'd go.
Just decided to "slap some crap together" and type SOMETHING out. 🙄😬 I realize it's sing-song-y. Decided to go lighthearted. Christmas season and all. Stay safe out there folks. Oh, if you're severely depressed, please remember that you're definitely not alone in your suffering, hang in there. I won't say things will get easier, but if you can hang in there, than the likelihood of things improving are dramatically higher than giving up. I haven't been through the stuff that people can legitimately be depressed about, but I've suffered from treatment resistant depression, severely for almost three decades, so I know that depth of despair. ❤️❤️
Laugh.
Smile.
Don't pay attention to the pain of depression.
Don't brood on the things that force emotional concession.
Try to act average, don't draw attention.
Remember, seeing a loved one suffer can be harder on others.
Like thick smoke in a house, it brings tears and it smothers.
So when you feel empty, put on a smile.
It won't help yourself, but it might spare some pain for your sisters and brothers.
Just because you feel it, you don't have to show it.
The pain can be non-contiguous if no one else knows it.
Just make no important decisions while you're feeling below low.
You can't take that route, that's not how I'll go.
Just fight the good fight, and try not to cry.
That just makes things worse, I don't know why.
You have Hope, just keep the Word in your heart, and your eyes to the sky.
Things will be painful but this too shall pass.
Life is good, even though I feel low.
Keep this in your head:
Feeling low and alive, is better then getting high and then dead.
Yes, it seems obvious, but it had to be said.
If you keep these notes stored up in your head,
Then you'll seem less abnormal, more average instead.
Depression. (Just because I feel it, I don't have to show it)... mostly. Reading this made me laugh. It's just sappy. Hope you don't mind some sap. Rubbing alcohol is good for getting it off... ✌️
Oct 2 · 60
Not Much
I get so depressed at times I feel like I can't take it, and I'm going to just ***** up my life. And then have to pick it all up, and eat it again.
The hammer is falling, my fists are clenching, my teeth are gnashing while my bones are crunching. Waves of pain are crashing, smashing against me, finally breaking. This level of pain can't be good to be taking, bad for my health. The voices are calling but no one is there, not even myself. My blood is pumping, sped by adrenaline dumping. The lack of the drug is inducing my mind to start seizing, both my legs are freezing, involuntarily quaking. The sensation of claws are slashing my back. As my heart keeps thumping, jumping around - heart attack? Now my blood is pooling. So the attack dogs keep drooling. They smell the blood and begin to whip into a frenzy, so I jump up, and run like McKenzie. Moving fast, as if I had wheels, one dog was faster and now nips at my heels. The dog bit my foot so I tripped and then fell. Now it’s gnawing on my leg, and I don’t feel very well. So I patted the dog’s head and then laid down for a spell…will I wake up? Only time will tell. When I come to my senses I won't feel at all well. Life hurts at times, unbearable so. If not for Divine intervention, I'd much rather go.
(Alright. So I took an older, rather cruddy poem, reworked and reworded it, retitled it and now it's a new rather cruddy poem, that's a whole lot less cruddy, and may even be alright in someone's opinion...my fingers aren't crossed though. But, it's much better [again, in my opinion], more specific than the original poem was and titled more accurately. I hope you find something of some value in there. It's satisfying to improve something that was previously much less than mediocre... 😄) Neat, I just looked at this after fixing typos and noticed it'd been "seen" 23 times (probably all from myself, checking the text again & again for errors).. that's just my favorite number, is all. 23. Neat. Oh! Music playing while writing, was Morphine's album, "a cure for pain". Excellent saxophone & slide bass!
Aug 29 · 293
Open Eyes
Sometimes when you open your eyes the widest, is when they are squeezed shut the tightest.
Aug 15 · 322
In Christ We Win
I've learned the facts, and met the Truth and put my faith in Him. I have the tracts, and feel the urge to go out and evangelize. But without a car, or a bicycle I'm a bit limited right now. Though there's always a way to get the Word out, even at home, one can figure out how. My ministry might not be of huge size but His Word never returns void. So I try to be patient, and not be annoyed. But I'm a relatively isolated fellow, and have a photographer's eye, so I feel alone in life though I know I'm not. And miss the times I used to go, on a whim, to a particular place that I had sighted earlier and planned to later take a special trip and photograph the awesome beauty. I don't understand how anyone could not realize that the universe (one-word) was spoken into existence by our Creator. But not everyone has eyes to see. I appreciate His creation, and often wish I had someone around who shares my interests. But the things that I try to accomplish often fail, so I'm just waiting on Him. If it be what He wills for me...that, I would love. But I've learned that His timing is conceived up above. So I just hang in there and listen to Him. Resting in the knowledge that in Christ we win.
I don't write a lotta poetry, or prose-poetry, but when I do, it's sincere. In my opinion, I wrote a paragraph that doesn't rhyme, not in any iambic pentameter, or regular cadence that I can spot consistantly. It wasn't actually meant to rhyme. And I wrote it more or less to help me process thoughts. I hope you get something, no matter how small outta this. I want folks to enjoy something. Especially if I wrote it. Though I wouldn't be so naive as to expect most folks to enjoy or glean something from everything I write. So, peace be with you. ✌️
Jun 6 · 215
Mental Metronome
There is no huge brain inside of my dome, it was replaced with a slow metronome. It doesn't stop moving, just ticking and talking at night I'm out stalking the streets as my mood swings and sways to the beat in my head. Mania? Yeah, the opposite of dead but in depression I'm just hanging to life by a thread. Swinging back and forth with significant force like a ballpeen hammer, hard enough to **** a horse. Like a blunt force trauma bringing nothing but drama, so I tire of the fire and I suffer but whatever but the flames be growin' higher and it's an oil fire so don't be throwing water or it'll just get hotter and roar louder so dowse me with the baking powder, better yet, a better powder, ya got good coke? Can I get some of that snow chucked into my head sometimes the numbness is better than dead. To quote the great Tom Waits "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." I'd say I agree. Though at the end of the day it's not up to me.
Just typed it outta my noggin. Nothing special. Hope you find something of value. I admit it was thereputically fun to express in an experimental way...
Suddenly the plot sickens… Lurching out of a comatose state, the sudden onset of panic…left with a past that has never passed…was and is always present. At present, past and a past present, both distinctly different from the present prospect of the past degenerating already into a future prospect which will never be. Suffer that. Being prey to anxiety, nostalgia and hope…. to attain from time to time the absolute serenity of a perception of timelessness, a state of lack of perception of time; to fuse together some brief fragments of eternity, we can perceive on this side of life, through a glass darkly. Though eventually will perceive with crystal clarity, in sharp focus. Simulators. Emulators. I keep bumpin’ intae mysel. That’s just the point. Around the bend. It’s not the end. Sons of fear and sorrow, will you cheer tomorrow? Sons of toil and danger, will you serve a stranger? A new beginning, never ending. Still sometimes I feel so low that I want tae “top mysel.” But I will go on. God is ma strength. He is ma Salvation. The only Way, The Truth and The Life. Love. Always was and always will be. HE IS.
Just playing around with words, and the sound of them in particular ways... a bit goofy and experimental, but I had fun just putting it down on paper... hope someone else who loves words & linguistics, syntax and the phonetics of words gets a kick outta it.
Nov 2023 · 681
The War Is Won
Day and night, I try to fight the great fight, my lone attempts are always failing, can only reach success through the King of kings, because of Him my heart now sings. The war is won, because The Father sent His Son. Now I don’t live in fear, because of Christ always being here. I surrender all to The Holy One and I’m sealed with The Spirit. This won’t ever be undone. The Rock is stable and the firm foundation makes me able to survive the storm and not get lost. Jesus Christ paid the cost of my own sin, and because of this, over death we win. The deceptive one has been beat, but he still spreads his deceit but I’m on my feet and not at all will I be discreet about the love of God. T’would be too odd, after all that God has done for me and my family, so The Son of Man has a battle plan and a better view of the battlefield. So to Him I yield everything. Thank You Lord for the love You bring… 🙏🏻
I know, it's a little cheesy but it's honest and was rattling around in my brain so much I had to write it out or my head would explode. I have OCD among other things and thoughts loop around in a cycle but writing it out helps.
Sep 2023 · 446
"THIS IS THE KING O JEWS"
If I ever cared at all about anything, the sweet love of our King and Creator is my cause to sing! Rather than regurgitate the same old thing, and moving my mouth in meaningless shapes. I’d rather sing to YHWH the praises He so deserves, if such a song could I even sing, to Him no justice I’m sure I could bring. Though He loves me anyway, and while I was still dead in sin! I mean, on that old rugged cross He did what no other ever could. He who knew no sin, fully God, fully man, stepped down from His throne and wore a body of flesh, and bore the sin of the world, this God/man did only good. As only He could. Yet He already foresaw His painful death, so that’s why with His very last breath, He said “It is finished!” Jesus Christ paid the ultimate price. In the courtroom of life He, Jesus Christ, paid our deathly fines so we may be reconciled to The Father through the blood of Jesus. Legal and just is His love for us. All one needs to do, is accept his gift, repent sincerely, and ask Him to reside in your heart, trusting him like the solid Rock He is. Hallelujah Yahweh!!
Only half done. Needs more work.
Dec 2021 · 739
So thankful to Jesus!
Thank you Lord Jesus for always staying with me. For never leaving me whilst in the valley of the shadow of death, Lord, Your mighty love, your guiding rod, Your comforting staff, they inform me. Thank You Jesus for helping me to use, even the toughest of times to glean some forms of positive personal growth and for the spreading of the hope Your Holy Spirit brings... It's good to know that You've got my back, Lord Jesus...
As if a mother of two children were just given the news
That both children were killed by a murderous fiend
When she tries to inhale but the surrounding air seems deprived of oxygen
So breathing becomes useless as she tries to think
And her heart feels now like it's been lodged in her throat
All the voices of people seem so far away
This is how depression is for me.
God has healed me of the hallucinations! Praise Jesus!!!! The Great Physical doesn't ever lie!
Aug 2019 · 681
The fishbowl effect
I love the time of year, in the town where I  live,
When dark fluffy rainclouds block out the sun,
Raindrops sprinkle down in periodic fits of showers
And the colors of life look more brilliant than ever
It gives me the feeling of living in a fishbowl
The air itself seems to adopt a verdant green hue
Signaling the rainy season is in full swing.
I love you all. Hope you're doing well. God bess your day!
Jul 2019 · 637
Artemisia absinthium
The absinthe was poured
Soon thirst will be quenched
The water then added
The green fairy did change
So my brain could be drenched
And my mind would derange
What was peridot green
Is now most opaline
The fennel and anise
Are present indeed
But the taste of the wormwood
Is the flavor I need
Aug 2014 · 890
Prison to prison
From prison to prison we go in this world.
the only freedom is through Christ.
The sands of time emptying, pouring down
to fill a desert of sand that we walk through.
Our mouths parched, so dry we cannot speak
silenced in a land of false ideas.
It is necessary to make our ideas known.
A necessity in life and a comfort to us.
Apr 2014 · 1.3k
Hope in Jesus
I'm proud to be out of my mind and in God's control.
I'm happy to say that He owns my soul.
My name is written in the book of life.
So why then do I cut my arms with a knife?
I try to think of thoughts that are good.
I'd lead a saner life if I could.
I have Christ's example to follow.
I feel this misery's so hollow.
I think of things I've done and said.
And my mind feels so cold and dead.
Yet I find  hope in God's good love.
I can feel Him blessing me from above.
Yes, there is hope in Jesus.
Apr 2014 · 1.3k
Laugh
Laugh because it's the best at it you know, even though I'll never tell, and what is bought will never sell, who has it will never show.
Apr 2014 · 2.3k
The Doer
The doer without desire,
Who does not boast of his deed,
Who is ardent, enduring,
Untouched by triumph,
In failure untroubled:
He is a man of sattwa (the energy of inspiration)

The doer with desire,
Hot for the prize of vain glory,
Brutal, greedy and foul
In triumph too quick to rejoyce,
In failure despairing:
He is a man of fajas (the energy of action)

The indifferent doer
Whose heart is not in his deed,
Stupid and stubborn,
A cheat, and malicious,
The idle lover of delay,
Easily dejected:
He is a man of tamas (the energy of inertia).
Apr 2014 · 5.9k
Fear
Running from that which chases,
Running from that which kills.
Hiding because there is no other option left.
Having a feeling burning, deep inside of my soul.
Not realizing what it is, not caring anymore,
Knowing only that it drives the body to run more and more.
To feel the touch that death will bring.
Driven on by only one little thing
that is called simply- FEAR.
Apr 2014 · 2.1k
Time
Bringing us to life,
Nurturing us, caring for us.
Teaching us all manner of things,
From beginning to end.
Ever going onward, ravaging us in its wake.
Leaving no pebble unturned in passing.
Tearing through and affecting all.
Seeing a shell left behind, mourning a loss,
rejoicing in release, if ever it will come.
If ever one is released, by our ever present jailer.
Time.
Apr 2014 · 559
Failed Path
You open fire on my smiling skull.
Why would you follow my failing pull?
So alone. So wrong!
So why even sing this mistaken song?
My failed path should not be retraced by anything but the Maker's wrath.
But do I hath anything to say to defend my choice?
Nothing that I would want to come from my voice.
Apr 2014 · 722
Haiku
Cuts that you bandage
Result in who you are now
Ignore the regret
Apr 2014 · 1.2k
Sure Salvation In Jesus
Your water's drying
Your life is in the cup
Your trees are dying
Your wildlife's locked up
You're in the zoo man...
When will you wake up?
How do you feel about it?
Do you accept and submit,
Throw in the towel and quit,
Or turn humbly to God and
With a heart of contrition
Ask Him to to be forgiven
Repenting for and turning from
The sin that was our own decision
Through the ultimate sacrifice,
Jesus Christ was crucified
He paid the cost of our sinful life
With His bloodshed He became The Way
That us sinners when we died
With Him, we died to sin
Three days later when He rose again
He defeated death, the wages of our sin.
Trust in Him He's the Solid Rock
On His firm foundation
We have sure salvation.
Through Jesus Christ !
"God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have ever lasting life."
- John 3:16
Apr 2014 · 1.7k
God's Giving!
Death is so final for only the living,
My soul is in flight because of God's giving!
Apr 2014 · 3.0k
Madness/Unseen
I'm so tired of the things that I fear,
And so tired of the things that I "hear"
I've never seen the end so clear,
I'm getting tired.
I used  to use my mind.
I used to wonder "why".
You generalize and tell me lies
That's not the way it ought to be.
Do you really want to deal with me?
So mad.
So mean.
And the pain, as always, remains unseen...
Apr 2014 · 10.6k
Proud Man
Man, proud man.
Dressed in a little brief authority over someone else's tasks,
Most ignorant of what he is most assured,
His brief evanescence, ever evading the desperate futile grasps,
In life the things we buy won't keep,
Plays such fantastic tricks before high heaven
As to make the angels weep.
Apr 2014 · 1.7k
A wake
Laying awake, a wake, my wake. Won't let them take,
something I could never fake. A pretty melody I wouldn't
try to make. Every time I'm falling down, I fall to pieces, and
break.
Apr 2014 · 632
The New Death
Noiselessly, the world has begun to defect.
From it chaos flows like blood trailing an abcess,
the poison itself long since passed.
Ash and flowering flame.
The sinking of an eyelid like a blue vault sleeplesness
sits with folded arms.
Peeling words from the walls,
This obsession runs deep untill the desire itself is broken and wasted.
The sistine eye , the twisting thigh.
If dead skin says nothing, than it cannot lie...
Apr 2014 · 864
Face it
Face it, we live short lives, don't wast it.
Encourage one another, and smile.
Bake a pie for a neighbor, and taste it.
Goodness becomes a habit after a while.
Changing thought patterns to better yourself
is a great practice
With goodness you can love and live with style.
Every man chooses how he marches in the parade of life
Practice goodness and I doubt you'll have much strife.
Sorry, this one is kinda "sub-par." I just felt like writing SOMETHING.
Apr 2014 · 670
God is so abiding
The voices pierce my thoughts like lightening bolts
Filling what could be silence or ideas
Loneliness and need leave holes in my psyche
Though I'm alone, I'm still beside myself
My few friends are "acquaintances"
Though I do love them dearly
The Spirit of God is so abiding
It makes me wake early
Eager to minister to the souls in hiding.
Apr 2014 · 2.2k
Their Disguise
As he stared at me,
his face set,
I couldn't look, as on the
Open magazine, no reading,
But only to see him peering.

He stared at me as I slept,
Stared as I ate.
The Father of Our Country
I soon began to hate.
They took my gun, they took
My freedom,
Soon I'll get out of here
And give George a beating.

Still he stares, still
he looks
And once again they hit me
With the books.
I tried to injure the guard,
To get the key.
That danged picture keeps
lookin' at me!

I'm in the jail, I'm in the pen.
For anywhere from five to ten.
You could not know how I feel
as I sit and shut my eyes.
Be careful, they're watching you,
Under their disguise.
I am a clinically depressed schizophrenic.
Apr 2014 · 931
Space
Yes, space was yielding its whole mental padding
in which no thought was yet clear
or had replentished its load of objects.
But little by little the mass turned,
like a slimy and powerful nausea,
a sort of vast influx of blood,
vegetable and thundering.
The very darkness became profuse and
without object.
The total frost gained clarity.
This poem is mostly free form and has no real iambic pentameter.
O Sleep, O gentle sleep,
Nature's soft nurse, how have I frighted thee,
That thou no more wilt weight my eyelids down
And steep my senses on forgetfulness?...
O thou dull god, why liest thou with the vile
In loathsome beds, and leav'st the kingly couch
A watch-case or a common 'larum-bell?...
Canst thou, O partial sleep, give thy repose?
Oct 2013 · 337
Words of Dumb
Be what you would seem to be-
or, if you'd like it put more simply-
never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than
what it might appear to others that what you
were or might have been was not
otherwise than what you had been,
would have appeared to them
to be otherwise.
Sep 2013 · 523
Your love is always here
Please Lord, make this anguish cease,
Fill me with Your calming peace,
The type we find throughout Your Word,
I seek the freedom of a bird in mid-flight.
Help me to keep you in my sight, ever following
Your holy light.
Lift this fog from off my mind, there's no telling what
I may find. Inspire me in my life's deeds, from the garden
of my mind, please pluck all the weeds, to keep
my mind focused and clear, I know Your love is always near.
Apr 2013 · 731
Struck by insight
All day I can't think of what to do with myself
All night I can't think of what to do with myself
Do good, do bad, do what you know makes you glad
Do good, do bad, poor idea if it makes you sad.
Look outside you're "little world" Take some time
Imagine someone elses World. The one you think is slime.
When insight hits you, the harder it hits the better for you
The pain of this strike is well for you in many a way.
I pray that I get struck by insight every day.
Apr 2013 · 500
Can't break through
Can't break through
Loved by you
Teased like a ball of yarn is teased by a kitten by you.
Please let me know or let me go.
Batting me around like a ball of snow.
I must break through.
Apr 2013 · 752
The writing dead
I feel like an empty writer.
The writing dead. A freak.
Nothing but the migrations of the human soul tonight.
Mar 2013 · 704
On my own, till I'm gone
I'm on my own
I've been on my own since I was born
Once born I struggled to breath the air
When dying I'll struggle to stop
It will feel like someone's sitting atop my chest
Until I die I will do my best
To live my life to the fullest
Death will just be the punctuation of my life
After my life I will be put to rest
No more love, no more strife
Horizontally, I'll be planted
A prayer will be chanted
No more vertical living
Nutrients to the ground I'll be giving.
Passing on....memeto mori...
Mar 2013 · 596
Recompense
What can a man alane do?
What can he say? But company costs.
Not dollars nor cents. But recompense.
The cost is oftain high and makes nai sense.
If you think I've made errors it's Scots not that I'm dense.
Mar 2013 · 567
The dog & the mind
In my mind, reality doesn't follow a strait narative.
I get lost sometimes. Spychogenic fugue.
My mind is like a dog, it obeys me sometimes
and others, it get out of the fence and misbehaves.
Feb 2013 · 987
Sursum corda
Let us go forward quietly each on his own path,
forever making for the light,
and in the knowledge that we are as others are and that others are as we are
and that it is right to love one another in the best possible way,
believing all things , hoping for all things and enduring all things,
and never failing. And not being too troubled by our weaknesses,
for even he who has none, has one weakness, namely that he has none,
and anyone who believes himself to be consummately wise would do well to be foolish all over again.
Jan 2013 · 737
The wings of Autumn
The springs of Autumn give way to the wings of Winter.
Yeah, short one.
Jan 2013 · 539
the coin
Where is the coin that doesn't fit the ruse?
Shall it be given to those with none?
Recluses are in joint gatherings to stumble upon an unknown truth.
There is a way to walk away, to get to the other side, leaving yourself behind.
In my feelings a deeper thought awakens a blue sky of sapphire and forgotten dreams.
I hope at least one other person gets something from what I write.
Hoping what I say makes some sort of sense.
Extremely vivid dying dreams, I hope to God I can see what it means.
We are surrounded by poetry on all sides, but putting it on paper is, alas,
not as readily done as looking at it.
Jan 2013 · 716
Of all the words
If of all words of tongue and pen
the saddest are, "It might have been."
More sad are these we daily see:
"It is, but hadn't ought to be."
Dec 2012 · 630
Just Coal
The reasons to go are the reasons to stay
So each morning I rise to face a brand new day
Am I coming or going, I can't even decide
Getting out and existing, not to stay in and hide
The way of truth is all there in His Word
Sometimes I think I'm only a nerd
But to accomplish something, that is the goal
I hope that this Christmas I get more than coal.
Merry Christmas

— The End —