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Beacon
Carson Elliott Oct 2016
Beacon
The battle has been raging long with forgotten pain in anger ******, amongst the ashes bleeding still, the will go on, in the soul it must..
Defeat it felt in blow after blow, relentless torment still
A glimmer, a beacon, a shimmer of new slowly crept to foresight
The smell, the sight, the feeling of you make war collapse on Fort night...
Your strength and beauty pierce the dark with ever blinding wonder putting stop to fight, the pain and dark, nay halt the drums of thunder...
I am soldier of fortune never fully good nor evil... Hardened and broken from the pain of life but the beauty of you brought to sight,
But a shimmer of the good of light..
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Death toll
Carson Elliott Oct 2016
Death toll
I am only a man from no particular strand, left stranded in the wasteland of morrow,
A shadow of was, a mere hint of a memory set forth as to a tease the absence of colour,
Why you torment so?
An un-escapable prison defined merely by the concept of the mind, twisted, locked and deep confined, forever chained and twined,
A freedom haste and fast must find, or forever stay in context of mind...
Tis death mere convenient?
An escape say found with but a single token for the toll man, use wisely if must, and only if must, but if don't you must, then listen in trust, if later if sooner we all will........ And must......
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Deep wounds
Carson Elliott Aug 2017
Deep wounds
Gone is all you are like a whisper gone too far,
Like a flutter of the breeze easing gently through the trees,
I catch a whiff, a scent of you I'll remember all of these,
Painful memories locked in tight, make me weakened at the knees,
It's a pain in my chest quite not like the rest,
Somewhere in the middle maybe slightly to left breast,
It's a pain that cuts the heart, but not like stabbing at the start,
It cuts beyond the flesh and way deeper than a dart,
Like smashing through the table, past the bottom of the bowl,
You cut a laceration in the fabric of my soul....
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Demons
Carson Elliott Dec 2018
Demons
I don’t know how to say it, but I love you with my heart
I don’t know how to show it, and its tearing me apart
I know I love you and I know it’s true, I know that the person that I want is you
I have demons inside that are waging constant war, like the persistent bitter cold that attack a cabin door
I have been truly hurt and it’s something that I hide, a shameful ***** demon that I cover up with pride
I want to let you in and I want to love your soul, but the demon like the cabin is coveted in cold
He rears his head and says the meanest things, I want to try and fly away but the fire clipped my wings
I feel like a monster and I regret the things I say, ill do or make or show anything to try and make you stay
I try and try to fight with him and one day I might win, and maybe when the demon goes I can finally let you in
He won’t say mean things or bark and shout, he won’t be an ******* when he comes out
He won’t put you down or make you cry, I can let you in and ill **** well try
But once you’re in my damaged soul I’m scared that you will see, that the demon I had fought so long……….

that demon he was me.......
So im in a relationship, but the demons i have from old scars keep coming out and i struggle to trust this woman. Even though she is literally amazing in every way! I feel like im constantly at war with myself and its tearing me apart. Its the eve of her birthday and we cant even be together, she lives so far away. I just wish i could show her that a lot of the problems are not her fault, i just struggle with my past because all i have known in relationships is pain....
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Final hour
Carson Elliott Oct 2016
Final hour
One man standing in a world left to ruin, darkness is as abundant as the wind whisping and blowing trying to clear the sent of deceit...

Barely standing, still fighting the pull of the earth and the weight of the pain, he slides the sword out of his heart, each inch just as painful as the latter ****** in.

Images of love being torn apart deep rooted, but cut in half by the blade in his heart.

Knees start to shake under the weight of the pain, the earth opens wide in birth of more black, ready, awaiting this new brother, the darkness is winning the weight forever increasing...

The body cannot go on, it wields nor strength for the struggle and starts to submit the darkness....

But the soul cannot give, it is a stone rooted in freedom that is unbreakable,
it swells,
surges,
fights pushing back as the earth crumbles beneath.

Alas the soul, so rooted in freedom unwilling to accept the dark pushes out, and up and around overwhelming the dark, the hurt, the pain and the earth until there is nothing, only freedom, pure and blinding.

The soul,
unwilling to give in, unwilling to hurt, unwilling to die, was reborn......
#heartbreak #pain #renewal #heartache
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Flicker
Carson Elliott Jan 2018
Flicker
The stars aligned and they took you away,
no where in particular,
just not here to stay,
Your final rest in maiden sleep,
The kind of journey to make men weep,
I’ll make you a promise,
A deal not cheap,
I’ll continue to stand on my own two feet,
I’ll continue to fight, to laugh and to love,
And I’ll squeeze jess tight and give her a hug,
The pain of your flame when the candle diminished,
is a pain we all feel when your candle was finished...
My brother inlaw passed away from a very aggressive brain tumour last night, I wrote this for him moments after I received the news. I have some regrets of things we dreamed of doing, but I did have my chance to tell him what he meant to me before he was gone and that has helped a lot since he passed....RIP  Mike K. Miss you brother!
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Heart lost
Carson Elliott Mar 2017
Heart lost
This time it is for real and for real you will go while I'm crying on the floor screaming no no no.

The first time your the fool but the second times my turn, but the fifth, the sixth, the seventh time and it really starts to burn.

For reasons unexplainable and some would say insane, the smell, the taste, the touch of you is burned inside my brain.

Your like a cut I cannot find, a pain I cannot cure,  but the love we had, burned in my mind seemed something rather pure.

Your a piece of me that much is true my love I'll never find, that piece of me that left with you when you screamed "IM GONE THIS TIME"

Now I hate, with my heart turned black, the thought of you not coming back, I hate myself and all I've done to make you turn your back and run.

Now I'm stuck, with me, Myself...
No prayer...
No love...
No hope...
No help...
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Hidden
Carson Elliott Oct 2016
Hidden
I am but one, alone to find,
To search the darkest parts of mind,
Here to ponder, alone to think,
A man in haste, but not one thought to think,
Secluded still, and yet to find,
That tiny little piece of mind,
Over yonder, but not quite fonder,
Still so rare mere impossible to find,
That tiny itty bit of mind,
Oh is woe, and woe is but me,
Perhaps I've lost my sanity
More than one message
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Internal struggle
Carson Elliott Dec 2018
Internal struggle
I punch and fight and
Jab and kick,
I use mean words and
Each one sticks,
I draw my sword and
Stab in deep,
It’s a fight to the death and
I play for keeps,
A twisted battle and
The end is near,
I fight with anger and
Have no fear,
A final blow and
Lost all wealth,
But it’s an endless battle
When your fighting yourself.......
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Invictus Aeternum
Carson Elliott Oct 2016
Invictus Aeternum
Forever wisps through eternal black the earth spin topped on yonder starlight, esquire to ballet, exquisite and on time she play in the fragile orbital dance of day, must you bringeth night, I say?
But spin you must and must you spin,a day, then nighttime for the win... You cannot stop the dance of giants politely perched a breast yon star,
You ask they speak, but in a tone to low to hear, but if you be so lucky to lay ear upon the vibrant voices of our home, the voices they will tell, you needn't goeth it alone...
I sweep your feet with every step lay stepped, I soak your tear with every tear thy wept, I kiss your cheek with every wind that swept, I feed your feast with every beast you've kept...
But most of all, when you perish and fall, my breast open widest for l eternally sleep with all..
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Lier lier, my heart's on fire
Carson Elliott Dec 2016
Lier lier, my heart's on fire
Your just a lier and false is what you say,
So much so even I might run away,
Once I was your lover, your partner, your friend,
We once whispered I'll be with you til the end,
Now everything you say is off,
A bucket of lies poured in the trough,
Like a pig I eat it up from you,
Not one little crumb is true from you,
Barely a morsel of the truth,
You said you were much better in youth,
That once you only spit the truth,
But the world beat you down,
Now shame and sadness are your crown,
Why won't you say the truth too me?
They say the truth shall set you free,
Free to love and live and laugh...
Why lie for something worse than that?
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Life boat
Carson Elliott Jul 2018
Life boat
My boat had kept a sail in this tempered sea of life,
tossing and turning like a child awake at night,
I’ve kept afloat and rowing hard fighting with all I got,
wishing hoping that one day my boat might just take flight,
Then a new breeze hits and something caught my eyes,
It’s like this life just taunted me with a wonderful surprise,
You whisper hi and flash a smile and my boat began to shake,
I row on hard to see the prize it looks like a row I may just make,
I’ll row the very sea that tried to make me break,
As long as this is not a dream and I get to hold you when I wake....
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Misunderstood
Carson Elliott Aug 2019
Misunderstood
I didn’t say you did something wrong,
I didn’t say my pain is gone,
I didn’t say you’d do me wrong,
But the words I say all come out wrong,

I didn’t say you would cause me hurt,
I didn’t say you would make me dirt,
I didn’t say you wouldn’t put me first,
But the words I say only seem to cause hurt,

I know your trying and I know you are pure,
I believe you when you say you’re here,
To love and laugh and be with me,
But my anger is all you seem to see,

I didn’t mean for it to come out wrong,
Or say that I sing the heartbreak song,
Just want you to know and want you to see
There is a better side to me than jealousy...
Seems whenever I try to speak to my girl , I struggle to portray what I mean and it comes out or is interpreted as jealous anger.. but it’s definitely not how I meant it to come out...
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Not this guy
Carson Elliott Nov 2016
Not this guy
You say let's try, let's make a new
Say all the things that make me into you,
I fall again, head over heels in haste
Open my heart but the pain makes waste,

You say bye guy, just not that into you
A million times guys are better than you,
Re open the wound, I fought so to close
Lined up pieces and your knocking down rows,

You say no more try's , this is final goodbyes
Again head I hang while I'm drowning my eyes
No more kiss, no more hug, no hope no die
Because yes love you want, just not with this guy.....
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Poetic justice
Carson Elliott Aug 2019
Poetic justice
Poetic justice is just so poetically just, only just, poetically, to the unjust....
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Pusher be the puppet master
Carson Elliott May 2019
Pusher be the puppet master
The monster has a grip on you like a fiendish dog that ravished a piece of feral meat
Gripping all of you, holding tightly to your soul
The things you say, the things you do are actions not from self,
but like a puppet you obey
Twisting, turning and moulding you into something rather dark
the puppet master make you say, the puppet master make you do, but none of these that make you you,
your thoughts are rather twisted like a puzzle not yet solved,

I peer a glimpse of you and you say you will be fine,
I hear the things the words you say that remind me of the time,
but the time has fluttered across the sea and the memories they still fade
I hope one day you break away and the puppet master meets swift demise
But until that day, in every way,
I slowly but surly die inside
Someone very dear to me is in constant struggle with drugs...
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Spoil
Carson Elliott Aug 2019
Spoil
Ghosts of past creeping through the floor like a tethered memory you cannot shake,
Echoes from the past that ripple through time
Like a stone cast aloft into a perfect midnight pond,
Regret is a cold shudder that pulses down your spine, like the tingle that you get when a ghost whispers in your ear,
The past is set lay paved in stone to an artist we call life,
But the futures still a riddle that is pondered here by all,
A puzzle that can break and twist and flip and fly and soar you high above, a puzzle that can beat and break and smash **** you straight into the mud,
Leap with care but soar with ease do not do not merely flutter, for life is gonna spoil you, one way or another...
An old one I found buried in my notes...
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Test of time
Carson Elliott Oct 2016
Test of time
Time is a test, and one I always fail.... I sit and wait and count the clock as time slowly creeps like an unstoppable shadow, each moment played up with the forgotten promise of happiness... One moment... The next moment... Just as empty as the latter, only to be filled with memory and thought poisoned with the pain of future past... Time, why do you torment me so? Your relentless march forward, waiting for not... Each moment more unbreakable then the last, but forever gone once the moment pass... I need you time, I crave you time... I scream it out a million time! But you pass, unfazed by the plea, for you are but just a moment... A whisper on the wind.. A smell, a sight, a sound or a feeling which cannot be kept... Only to be lived, and forgotten when I slept...
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TIL death do us…
Carson Elliott Apr 24
TIL death do us…
A house, a home, a family, of this you say you dream..
even aloft, once long ago,
since a young lass upon 13…
Oh marry ways, the fruitful days,
of which the masses would lay claim…
The wonderful type, of the family life,
alas,
exclusively,
betrothed in fame…
So I struggle hard,
and I worry harder,
In life’s en vogue, mais toujours scénarisé,
We sign the charter, I play the martyr,
Leading the charge while you talk down to me…
Be a man, be tough, be proud,
They whisper, nay, proclaim aloud!
While you’re coddled ripe, and spoiled rotten,
I’m covered in blight, spoiled, and rotten..
My cries, they carry,
my echos forgotten,
A whisper one would say…
But if I’m closing my eyes, and and you got your way,
Guess I’m the one who died that day…
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Timeboil
Carson Elliott Jan 2017
Timeboil
Time is wasted some might say,
What's here tomorrow still gone today,
Do I do this, waste time on that,
In general time is running flat,
Try to make most for ample it's not,
Time is like a boiling ***,
Sit and watch is what we're taught,
The surface boiling with forget me nots,
Constant moments rolling past,
For not one person this time will last,
Water of time is all we got,
Steaming away wether we like or not,
Add some spice try one or two,
Make the rolling turn a new,
It's your *** to make, what say you do,
Time will boil away on you....
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When I was only four
Carson Elliott Nov 2016
When I was only four
On a bright and sunny day in lore when the sun tickled tree branch swayed,
we watched the fireflies float away,  
When I was only four...

On a bright and sunny day once more when the black flies dart and play,
We watched the blue skies fade to grey,
When I was only four...

On a bright and sunny day with grey my father ran out the door,
I still nay see him return once more,
When I was only four...

On a grey and dusty sunny day mama say hide under the floor,
They took my mama dragged through door,
When I was only four...

On a gloomy dark yet sunny day deep inside the Syrian war,
I lost my pap, my mama, and more,
When I was only four.....
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— The End —