the transience of beauty
has often concerned me,
and i frequently wish for a permanence
that nature won't allow.

i bought you flowers for your birthday,
baby's breath you said you liked.
they sit on a table
in your living room.

the browning of grass
the falling of leaves
the wilting of stems
not strong enough anymore

by nature, nature is fleeting:
a sad fact on most days,
but now I sit, shrouded in sorrow,
waiting for flowers to die.

We haven't spoken, to each other at least,
in a while, but I see your texts
to make sure the money goes toward food.
You've got the easy end of the bargain.

I'm reading the Brontes.
I'm going to church.
I'm sleeping eight hours.
I'm singing in the car.

My smoothie tastes too much like spinach.
I ran out of juice last week,
wasting it on vices you've long suffered.
Are you proud of me?

I'm skipping classes.
I'm lacking motivation.
I'm forgetting my Fridays.
I'm losing friends.

You are my biggest fear,
my wretched destiny,
the hole that my life slopes into.
"Thanks for groceries! Just made breakfast."

your foot on the gas:
a brick of immovable motive
forcing us into the future,
one we will not like.

if only my screams rang louder
than the toxins your brain swam in,
drowning you in other,
maybe we would've stopped.

there's another pedal, you know.
no, you didn't listen.
a bridge was crossed that day.
the tangible now torn down,

my abstract just as well:
an ever-widening chasm caught between us two.
i knew your secrets then;
i wish i knew how to drive.

and going nowhere fast

if i’m being honest
and i am (being honest)
i’ll tell you i’ve fallen in love
about seven times this month
meet a girl or guy
decide they’re the one
ruin it
rinse
repeat
however if i’m lying
which i much prefer
i’ll tell you that my independence suits me

thin as paper
you see the scratch
a little one at the top
it’s so tempting
you can envision the destruction
the sound
the sight
the pain
so why don’t you?
why DON’T you?
why don’t YOU?
WHY DON’T YOU RIP ME IN HALF?

hold me
my world is crumbling
my thoughts are growing
my body feels wrong
hold me
i don’t want you anymore
but i miss your arms
wrapped around my truest self
hold me
once again