And I'm sorry I thought it was safe to love you.

YOU DO NOT GET TO WRITE ABOUT ME
YOU DO NOT GET TO APOLOGIZE BECAUSE YOUR WOUNDS DIDNT JUST LEAVES SCARS BUT STITCHES
YOU FIGURE OUT HOW I'M SUPPOSED TO MOVE ON WITHOUT YOU
YOU FIGURE OUT HOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BREATHE WITH YOUR FINGERS WRAPPED AROUND MY NECK

you hurt me everyday and yet i'm supposed to forgive?

Tana,

I got sad again, and if I was like everyone else, I would blame you for it.
I care too much to say that it's your fault, maybe I like you.
I wish Maddi and I could just move out and not deal with other people and we'd be happy.

I fell again in more ways than one; I fell in love with you, I fell in love with who you are.
I fell into my sadness, shrinking into my body, confused and disoriented.
I wish I could hate you and then kiss you and make love to you all in the same night, then leave you and not speak to you for a couple weeks.
I wish I could feel shame and sorrow and then, call you up and say I was sorry really half-assed and you'd forgive me like I did.
I wish I could blow cigarette smoke in your face like the regulars at work do to me, with their slack-jawed minds and gas station lighters.
I wish I could treat you like a toy, but I can't and I won't, because I know that when you're sad, you'll call me and I'll feel bad if I treat you like you're unimportant.

We talked at three am every night, even when I was too tired, even when I was sad, even when it felt like no one could love me; you did.
You say stupid ***, late night confessionaries as though I'm your priest and your lover. So I tell you it's okay, and you keep talking about our secrets undiscovered.

I cried all last night
Because I'll never ever be able to give you what you need
You don't need to **** with me
You don't need to change
I'm too flawed to drag you with me

Don't tell me that I'm not ******* up because I totally am and I love you but I don't think I can give you the things they you need, maybe what you need us more driven, less tired, less sad, less indecisive. Not such a ******* mess. I'm so ******* sorry.