Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Jul 2022 · 252
Identities (4/13/2022)
I don't know who I want to be
I go to Target to pick out new identities
   try them on in a humid fitting room
   try not to pop the seams before I buy
   try to peel them off when they don't fit just right

The ones I fall in love with are always out of stock
Or only available at the high end up the block
prompted by Life's Work by Rae Armintrout
Sometimes I think that my depression has me in a chokehold so
I pull off its mask only to find that it's been rage with no place to go

Where do you put rage that sneaks up on you?

Do you put it in a flowerpot only to wilt the calla lilies that it touches?
Do you put it in a collar and leash only for it to lunge at the first stranger to approach too quickly?
Do you hold it between your teeth so that it slowly dissolves on your own tongue until every strawberry tastes like grape leaves?

Maybe I'll just file it away
   on the top shelf where I keep my winter coats in Texas.
Then, years from now, when I pack up to move to the mountains, it will topple over and smother me.
Maybe then I'll finally leave it behind
   in the pile of things too broken to donate to Goodwill.
prompted by On the Road by Jack Kerouac
Jul 2022 · 623
My Body (2/2/2022)
My toes are numb
And I can't breathe through my nose
And I can't wait to get home
And crawl under my grandma's quilt
And feel your skin against mine
Warming me up from the inside

You walk your fingers along the peaks and valleys of my frame
And inside my brain
I am pouring like water from a glass that you tip to your lips
If you're going to drink me in then I only hope
That you will love my body in all the ways I've never been able to

Worship where I've condemned
Hold what I have rejected
Kiss where I have cut
Heal where I have bruised
Be a friend to the thing I named my enemy
This thing I live in, yet keep separate from me
a journal entry
I should be happy

Today was a good day
  like objectively a good day
  like, on paper, a good day

I should be happy
Today good things happened
  better things than yesterday
    or last week
    or last month
    or the last 6 months

I should be happy

But why do I feel like I'm moving my feet through water just to slow them down?
Like I'm looking through cotton just to see where I'm going
Like I'm laughing to prove my smile is bigger than it is
Like even breathing is made harder by the sheet over my lips
  parachuting into my mouth with every breath.
I swear

I should be happy
a journal entry
The polka-dotted sidewalk,
beginnings of a rain-soaked street
The dampness of my socks means that my last pair of shoes have finally given out and left a hole in my soul

My gas light came on yesterday morning, so the wet socks will have to do, as I make my way to you

Eyes, then hands, then lips meet
Words pour, but I stop them short
Mental faucet, won't say more
The tap is too hot, and it always tastes the same

Pass it to you, I only play the game
But you see as I hide my ***** storm
You say "Don't cool off. I like your warmth"
prompted by Summertime Clothes by Animal Collective
Jul 2022 · 264
Twice (September - 2021)
"How was your day?" He asks.

"Up and down," I say. "How about yours?"

He goes on to write me a paragraph about how he hit traffic on the way to work and then work was fine but he had to do some extra cleaning to make up for his coworker showing up late and then he went home and did his volunteer work and his roommate's cat did something cute.

Then he stops.

I respond to each part of his recap. I'm glad he told me and I'm happy to listen.

But I don't say "Aren't you going to ask me to elaborate?"
I don't say "I set you up to ask me again."
I don't say "Don't you care about why my day was 'up and down'?"

I don't say this because then he would ask me again.
But I don't want him to ask me again because I asked him to ask me.
I just want him to ask me.
I know he already asked me.
I don't know why, but I need him to ask me twice.

Blame it on the way I was raised.
Blame it on him not knowing how to have a conversation.
I didn't even know this was bugging me until I was writing this down.

We never have conversations.
We both just make comments and then return to silence.
He doesn't know how to ask questions
And I won't allow myself to say anything unless directly requested.

So I leave my hints and he doesn't take them.
I make my jokes, and he just chuckles like he's trying make a bad comedian feel better.

He asks me how my day was and I say it was up and down and he doesn't ask me what happened.
I know he meant that in the first question.

I don't know why I need to be asked twice.
a journal entry
Jul 2022 · 849
Untitled (8/18/2021)
Walking through the deserted night, I descend into the valley and reserve my strength.
I come across a man. His eyes won't focus and his tongue trips over his pretty words.
He says "I would be yours if you do me this one favor."
He says "I am so parched, I couldn't give my love without a small sip." I offer him my canteen since I have a sip to spare.
But he pours what I offer into his own reservoir,
does not drink it, and then asks for more.
But I had no more to spare. Only enough for a small sip for myself.

So I continue on up the hill before me and I know I must pace myself.
I meet a girl with lines on her arms and X's on her legs.
She says she met that man down below and he gave her these scars.
She says "now I'm lost. But once I'm found, I can give you the love you desire. Could you do me this one favor and help me find my way?"
So I ask where she is hoping to go.
She says she wants the man in the valley.
She says she's sure so I lead her back to him and she screams:
"You never wanted to help me, did you?!"
She rages at me and snatches my canteen only to swallow down the last drops.
I run. Up the mountain again.

I find a boy singing to himself.
He says I can sit with him until I catch my breath.
So I do, and I ask him questions and he makes me laugh.
He says my laugh sounds like a song he never wants to end.
So he kisses me and his lips taste like sand to my dry tongue.
But I kiss him back anyway and he falls through my fingers and flies away on the wind. I crawl away, choking on the dryness in my lungs.

As I reach the top of the mountain, I collapse.
My chapped lips against the dewy grass.
A hand gently touches my shoulder and I watch as they fill my canteen from their own and we are both full.
you got me on your hit list
i can't afford a therapist
it might be cheaper to die
well, maybe
but the funeral industry
the way it's looking lately
oh, it's bleeding me dry

you have made up your mind
to believe a lie
well i'll admit you tried
and i
i could eat a live
wire and then my
brain would be just as fried

and you
you can have your pride
and you can  take your time
but you can't take what's mine

and you will not be the reason
i give up believing
in the good inside
because i
i will keep on breathing
and easily sleeping
purely out of spite
The sky burns into night on a broken gold horizon
Cela va sans dire mais, I will say it anyway

Take my hand, I would follow anywhere
Up the rocks and down the stairs
Leaves falling down like confetti at a parade
Tiny little Bourbon Street in the home we made

The sky burns into night on a broken gold horizon
Cela va sans dire mais, I will say it anyway

Ever since tomorrow became today
I was singing about you before I saw your face
I'll paint a map on the tops of my shoes
So I will never lose my way to you

The sky burns into night on a broken gold horizon
Cela va sans dire mais, I will say it anyway

Even if it ended and this was all
I would never regret the fall

The sky burns into night on a broken gold horizon
Cela va sans dire mais, I will say it anyway
I love you
Jul 2022 · 579
Celebrity (11/19/2021)
Nobody writes about the glue unless it doesn't stick like it used to
Nobody cares about what's always there until it's gone elsewhere
There is no art about the dirt in the dark,
but it keeps us from falling apart

I know you think that they never saw you
oh, but I do

Sometimes you feel invisible because you don't like your hair
and you're not very tall
But don't let that make you feel so small
Because without you my world wouldn't turn at all

I know you think that they'll never see you
oh, but I do

Maybe you'll be
Lost to history again

A face in the crowd
A voice in the loud
But I know I'd know it anywhere

So I'll have you sign a book in my mind
I'll paint your name across the sky

I'm gonna write about the glue
I'm gonna write about you
for my mom
Jul 2022 · 354
Stand-in (7/21/2021)
If my love is a stand-in,
Tell me, what does it stand for?

My love stands for quiet and comfort and wondering
"how could you ever love me?"
My love stands for never skipping over the icky parts of me
like my insecurity.
My love stands for never shrinking me or my personality
My love stands for taking up exactly how much space I need
and never fearing how much that means
My love is a stand-in for vanquishing every dark thought
that's ever made its home inside my head

If my love is a stand-in for everything I want and all that I need
isn't that just love to me?
And I know your love is true
So my love, it stands for you
prompted by Interlude by Lauren Clark
Jul 2022 · 238
One More Day (8/4/2021)
How does a charmed life spend their day?
Watching the world through a windowpane
Sleeping high on the pillowcase
Knowing love through another's pain

How did it feel to go somewhere new?
When I know you know it's never up to you

Please stay
One more day

I can see you hang your head
I know you're tired
But if you could hold on for one more mile
Please promise that
I'm not ready yet

Please stay
One more day

How does it feel now you're somewhere new?
I know you know it was never up to you
Jul 2022 · 223
Words (8/11/2021
Words don't look how they sound
If I write your name 10 times over
It doesn't even feel like a real word anymore
Just markings on a page

Yet if I say it aloud
The shape of you emerges from my mouth
The feeling of holding you to my chest
The sound of your voice outside the door
The comfort of knowing I could reach out at 4
   in the dark and collide with your warmth

But it all hits me at once like an 18-wheeler
Because I know it's no longer real
But I'll say your name one more time
To remind myself that for a moment you were mine
Jul 2022 · 713
The Visit (7/7/2021)
i only meet you in my dreams
it's been 3 months since you left
i'm not sure if the voice i hear is yours or a distorted memory
does it matter?
when i can still hear you laugh?
when i know exactly what you would say and how?
i see how your hair glows in the moonlight
your eyes twinkle
mischievous in the dark
we meet in the place we both grew up
80 years apart
it's only for the night
the soft, moist, louisiana night
you taught me to drink honeysuckle
and how to be a good host
the life of the party is never truly gone
i can see you're getting tired
but i can't waste a moment
i don't know when we'll get another
don't say it!
i can't hear you say it!
but we both see the dawn
and we both know it's time
i won't say goodbye
so darlin'
until next time
Jul 2022 · 384
Tchoup (9/2/2020)
We decide where to go right before we leave
In our hurry we forget the keys
Want to hang out but we only have an hour
Do you want to buy me a whiskey sour?

Keep me in your pocket until you need a ride
I just keep on falling into your landslide

There's a place I go in the back of my mind
Where I feel your love and I know you're mine
Believe you me, I know it's a fantasy
Give me a second, I'll come back to reality

Keep me in your pocket until you need a right
I just keep on falling into your landslide

These hands haven't been held in way too long
These lips forgot how to sing your song
Knock down the cobwebs, shake off all the dust
My throat's too dry to talk about us

Baby, Bourbon, St. Peters, to Tchoup
There's nowhere in the world I'd rather stop
I'm not as dumb as I used to be
I know you're using me
But don't stop using me
Ode to New Orleans
Jul 2022 · 188
C3PO (9/6/2019)
Golden eyes stare through the trees
Blinding lights reflecting into the leaves
Something I've only seen in movies

They have hoods to hide their face
They attack what they can't trace
They love who they trust, he starts on the cusp
Now they want to make him their queen

Oh, keep him on a pedestal
Oh, deep within his castle
Oh, never look down again
From now on, someone's holding his hand

He approaches the throne
With stilted nerves
It's him
Forever in this universe
journal entry
Jul 2022 · 493
The Wizard (5/12/2021)
I've been in my head
Trying not to be misled
But you heard me
I was screaming and you heard me

Fading and you saw me
Awakened and shaking from a bad dream
But you had me
It's ok because you had me

That night at the tree
We watched the lights from underneath
And when you kissed me
Oh my god and when you kissed me

Holding me down
Slowing things down
Like a wizard stopping time
Do you want to stay at mine?

Holding me down
Slowing things down
My pirate ship hits dry land
I want to do it all again

Silence turns to quiet
Everything is calm when you're right here
Stay right here next to me
You're all I want to see
Jul 2022 · 73
Grandma (4/8/2021
Once she tried to teach me to Charleston
It was the closest I came to seeing her dance
But I gave up because it was too hard

Once she had an extra bourbon
And slapped my cousin's husband in the face for dropping one too many four letter words

Once she told me she liked country-western music
and roses and hummingbirds
But she hated my tattoos

Once she cried to me because she was tired of getting older
And it was the first time
I realized she was afraid to die

She used to tell me every day
between work and school
"Don't work too hard, darlin'"
capturing memories
Jul 2022 · 643
Baby (3/22/2021)
15 days and 15 nights I kept you right here by my side
Through the darkness, hunger, and ice
I miss your hand on my back
I want your head on my chest
I want your lips on my neck
I want your voice whispering
"Do you like that?"
I like that

15 days and 15 nights I kept you right here by my side
But ****, my bed feels cold tonight

Oh no, I love you
And now I gotta tell you
Oh no, oh no

I thought I was just having a nice time
But then as you left for work I cried
Oh no, oh no
journal entry
Jul 2022 · 225
Invisible Woman (1/16/2021)
I drank a glass of Texas tea
And turned into the ghost of a memory
I learned to be so quiet
I watched all my friends forget
I learned how to walk with the silence of the dead
I learned how to keep my thoughts inside my head
I learned to keep my mind open and my mouth shut
But I had no one there to open me back up
I never brush my hair
I forget to fall asleep
Is this what is meands to be me?

Had my first taste of Texas tea
And then their eyes went straight through me
Fill my cup all the way up
And watch my teeth rot
journal entry
Jul 2022 · 248
Plastic City (1/4/2021)
a city made of plastic
******* with elastic
torn between a tourist trap
and locals who just want it back

i thought you cared the most
guess i held too close
you fell like sand through my fingers
i couldn't see you any clearer
loved you with all my might
guess i held too tight
i knew you'd crumble from the start
like a blade straight through my heart

when sorrow is safety and joy is fear
everything is wrong here
one fleeting moment is wrecked
just because i realized what i felt
i'm so tired of being lonely
and so scared of intimacy
i'm an open book that's terrified
scared of what you'll see inside

want to have a whole committee
but i'm not that kind of city
i'll welcome you with open arms
and then i'll sound the alarms
journal entry
I wear holes in my shoes
walking circles for you

But you don't care and
you'll never understand

I'm racking my brain to find
A better explanation why

I know which way to lean
Because it seems to me
The simplest answer is the most likely
a journal entry
Jul 2022 · 334
She's Gone (2/3/2020)
They set their expectation
She said "boy, are you mistaken"
"Just watch me" drive through the picket line

They said she couldn't do it
She'd say ain't nothing to it
"Just watch me" walking straight into the sky

We have been here before
On the hospital floor
I'll be sleeping right there next to you

You know that we're all scared
That you won't know we're there
Because you can't open your eyes like you do

Can you hear me?
Do you know I'm here?
Can you feel me?
When I whisper in your ear?
I'm here
I'm here

They say wait
Oh wait for me
She can't wait
She's got somewhere to be

Can you hear me?
Do you know I'm here?
Can you feel me?
When I whisper in your ear?
She's gone
She's gone
Jul 2022 · 50
Untitled (10/6/2019)
I know you hates these kinds of songs
The ones with sentiment that make you cringe
But how else can I say what you mean?

You deserved the freedom you always craved
Driving all alone down an open highway


You never wanted anyone's help
And you never asked
But sometimes we have to depend on people we don't want to need
Sometimes you even have to say please
a journal entry
Jul 2022 · 163
Untitled (9/1/2019)
It's not me, it's you
I know that excuse
When you're the one before the one
You're the coach, not the prize
You teach a man to fish and you've fed him for his life
You teach a man to love, you've prepared him for his wife

And that's great
And that's fine
They deserve a happy life
But why wasn't I
Good enough for you to try?
A journal entry
I swam down to the bottom of the river
In the muddy water I could not see anything
I thought the silence would be killing me
But in the silence, I found that I could breathe

The world above had so much chaos
I think I'll stay down here in the mud and moss
When the current moves I will too
Down in the weeds, I don't have to feel a thing

Underneath it all the devil lies in wait
Holding onto hope that someday I will break
It's not uncommon to feel nothing at all
When the waves of the water are your only walls

It gets hard sometimes
When my clock decides
To wrap its hands around you
And that's all I've wanted to do
Since I met you
Jul 2022 · 153
Untitled (3/8/2018)
I'm not sure I want to see inside your head
But how else will I understand?
Was it something I said
Or did you just change your mind again?
Somehow our lives disaligned
After all the times I kept you alive
Somehow I was left behind
But then here you are in front of me
And you have ruined my day
I doodle your name all over the sky
And hope to god, away you'll fly
Jul 2022 · 267
S.A.D. (8/29/2017)
I know you're gone
And I know you'll try
But I'm not the type
People wait on

You believe in me
You know the secrets I keep
The faith I have in you
I wish I could see it in me

I can't blame it on missing you
Although I want to
But I'm still sad
How am I still sad?

I try to blame it on missing you
But then I have you for a day or two
And I'm still sad
Maybe I'm just sad
Jul 2022 · 136
Untitled (12/11/2017)
I've given up on wishing
because that's all it ever was
And my dreams are only dreams
Since I'm never good enough
Jul 2022 · 336
Dead & Buried (July - 2015)
I snuck into the cemetery where we were buried
I still keep the knife you used
My back still holds the scars
I thought since years had passed, you'd have moved along
But your ghost stays right where you did me wrong

I broke the seal on your afterlife
Now I'm being haunted even when I say goodbye
I wish I had never come to this side of town
I picked up your memory
Now you won't put it down

It's my fault
I raised up the bones from where they lied
I thought they'd say something
I thought we'd apologize
I'm sorry I was tired from the weight I had carried
Now I know what's dead should stay dead and buried

Chased by the undead, it's too late for regret
I dropped what I carried
I should've left you dead and buried
Poor and worse, the widow's daughter
Hold your tongue so it won't be harder
Work for your pay every ******* day
One day you'll move so far

Break the rules, all the things they have done
Don't tell her know she exceeds all expectations
Pots and pans, blankets, shirts, the whole house
Paint it all red to match her hard head

If you were from a different place
Maybe you could occupy a space
only big enough for you
If you were from a different time
Would you take the chance to rewind
Just to take in the view

It doesn't feel right to say that you're gone
It doesn't feel like the end of the song
I keep on waiting for you to prove us all wrong
I'll never hold a grudge again
I eventually let go of my grudge against her, and now I hold a new one on her behalf.
Jul 2022 · 4.4k
Dysmorphia (12/23/2019)
The mirror mocks my every move
Every lump I try to smooth
The mirror cons me of my happiness
Knot in my throat, stuck like this


I feel the corners of my mouth
Like they're tied to the ground
I try to fix it, try to heal
I try to replace it, the shame I feel


Feeling visceral
If only I could find
Something comparable

Jul 2022 · 660
Coming Home (7/1/2020)
It's a summer day, dad is coming home
How long he's been away, I don't really know
It's me and mom, he won't be long
He'll want to have his space
He walks through the door
We can't ignore the look upon his face

He says "what is this?"
He can't resist a shoe left out of place
He'll fuss and groan
I can't be home
I learn to stay away
It's not all bad, I'll give him that
But I sure can't remember the good
It feels so wrong, I know it won't be long
Until the shoe is on the other foot

It's a summer day, dad is coming home
How long he's been away, since 8:00 this morning
It's me and Will, we can't sit still
We see him through the window pane
He walks through the door
We can't ignore the look upon his face

He says "what is this?"
He can't resist a hundred snowflakes
We stapled them around the room
He said he likes it better this way
It's not all good, I never said it would
But I would choose you any day
Because you find a way to make things okay
Even when you feel out of place

If I am me because of a family tree,
that's alright with me.
But you are you in spite of the things you knew
And that's a testament to you.
For my dad
Jul 2022 · 612
Paradise Falls (11/6/2020)
Oh, the way I loved him
was the most I've ever felt
Oh, the way I loved him
made me forget everyone who's left
Oh, the way I loved him
wrote albums and symphonies
Oh, the way I loved him
made me forget he didn't love me

Oh, the way I loved him
I knew he was never mine
But god, did my heart hurt for him
Like I was running out of time

Oh, the way I loved him
could make the oceans rise
Oh, the way I loved him
could pull the stars from the skies
And put them in his eyes

I haven't seen the light since then
Jul 2022 · 428
Rollercoasters (07/17/2021)
I feel butterflies when he walks into the room
Lightning smiles, ******* kiss, contagious confidence
His hard head and his restraint, I took for strength
And I found warmth where he touched
And it was nice to let someone else drive for once.

I feel butterflies as soon as he walks in
Verbal daggers, fierce defense, "well, so he's passionate"
My mistakes, he said he'd take with grace
But he took some warmth away
And it's worth the sacrifice to stay by his side
Because it's easier to let him drive.

I feel butterflies when he walks into the room
Phantom wings, glass to feet, maybe I don't know
My own fault, he said I'm being crazy
Maybe I'm ridiculous
But even though he gets rough
I only feel warmth where he touched
And I don't think I remember how to drive

I feel nothing when he walks into the room
Dusty squares, empty walls, open closet shelves barren
My absence, he never saw it coming
I spent decades afraid of losing all his weight
And I had nothing left
So I took the car for a drive
I end up rediscovering this site every few years, so here's a dump of some stuff I wrote since last we spoke.

This one is about the cycle of abuse.
Mar 2014 · 571
Heavy Days -(2/9/14)
Sometimes when the world feels so heavy I can hardly breathe
I have to slow down and I'm forced to think.
My whole life has been a blur of faces as I wander through places
With time passing by so fact I forget to make each moment last.
I can't even see past the cards of talking points
And the angry letters I wrote myself.
My dreams are filled with vivid images of back when we were friends
Back in the time when I knew what I was going to do.
When my future consisted of fighting crime with you by my side
And now the days pass by untouched
I can't even move without a crutch
I've got pins in my ankles and screws in my head
And I'm pretty sure I'm better off dead.
But I've kept my promises and made my peace
I decided instead to be dominated by sleep.
My veins pump with lead and my lungs run empty
I don't know to whom I should be listening
And really there's no point in blame because I know it's my fault
I just always feel like I approach with such an assault.
And I'm sorry that I can't be more
But I'm doing my best and that's not good enough for you, I guess.
I didn't do enough to make you care about me
I don't know what else to do to keep my focus off of you.
I don't understand how you could just forget me like that.
What did I do to deserve to be treated like the **** on your shoe?
When are you going to realize
I stood by your side through all your darkest nights
How could you leave me in mine?
How dare you call yourself my best friend
When you are the one who is causing this to end
You are the one who refuses to see me for over 6 months
You are the one who I cry over losing every night.
Because I never pictured you out of my life.
I never thought of how I'd live without my best friend.
Because you knew my life and you were there with me side-by-side
Then all of a sudden, out of sight, out of mind?
I guess you never really cared about me at all.
All the times you couldn't see me, but you never wanted to, did you?
I'm looking back now with enlightened vision
Only to find all the times you didn't think about my feelings
Even though I couldn't get yours out of my head.
And how am I supposed to sleep
When I don't know how your brother's doing or if your parents are ok
What am I supposed to do to forget that you had problems too?
Problems that could come back in a simple flash.
I trained myself for four years to remember every detail
Everything I could drink in because I wanted to be a good friend.
But now I'm just supposed to pretend?
I have to forget all our past.
We've gone back to being strangers but therein lies the problem.
From the second we met we were drawn together
So I don't know how to think of talking to you then not going through.
I don't know how to not want to be around you
But I know that I don't because you're a poison.
Your face is etched into my head like a painting
With your name on a plaque beneath it
And I've been studying it for so long
I know every pore and every scar
I know every hair and inch of skin because you let me in.
And you can't let someone in if you're only going to shut them out.
Because the only way to go back to being strangers
Is to never have known you in the first place.
And I can't do that because every time I stop to think
There you are, and I'm on the brink of tears until my vision clears.
But it doesn't and I have to learn to live
Without slowing down
Because I can't think anymore.
Mar 2014 · 294
Pretty -(3/25/14)
When I'm pretty:

Maybe I'll be happy
Maybe he'll love me
Maybe they'll see me
    instead of through me
Maybe they'll care
Maybe they won't forget me
Maybe I won't have to be so funny
    if only I could be pretty

But who am I kidding?
I'll never be pretty.
This isn't goodbye
This isn't "I love you"
This is not "I really miss you and I want you back"
This is a "*******" note.

I've been waiting here for 7 hours straight
All you can do is talk about the weather.
You crack jokes, you smile, and bring us in
But I know how you feel inside;
It's killing you to see me alive.
You'd spit in my face if given half a chance
And you wouldn't hesitate to give me that glance
I was there for everything.

I was there when your brother went to rehab
And when he moved back in
When you thought you could end it all
But you couldn't handle it.
I was there for your birthday
But you missed mine.
I have to remind you every time.

How could you forget that we had a life; a future?
We were supposed to be partners in crime until the day we died.
How could you forget unless it was something I did.
Please tell me what I did.
And why you hug me different.
Mar 2014 · 328
A Thousand Tears -(2/23/14)
A thousand tears will fall from a 12 year old's suicide.
Why couldn't they say he was beautiful before he died?
And will they really wish they'd known him better?
Or are they proud of what they've done?
Because he's done exactly what they said he was best at.
And how did no one notice?
And how did no one care?
How can they do nothing about that breeding ground
For ******* and mental illness?
How can you let those deep pockets distract you from children's pain?
When did politics become more important than emotional safety?
And how can we turn this all around?
How do you make the world realize how far it's fallen
When it refuses to look down?
They'll never see how close we are to the ground.
We can dig in our heels,
But without an army
We will only be dragged and broken in half.
Mar 2014 · 329
Only Child -(1/28/14)
With a noose closing her throat
Blooding running from her wrists
She's prepared to take her final breath

Then she remembered
What she never wanted to forget
She cried and screamed
And fought the regret

This life was hers to take
But she knows she wants to live
Somewhere deep inside
She knows what it's like to be loved

She got down from her chair
And didn't want to move
But mom knew.

Shipped off, she began to learn what to live for.

Homecoming, her new skills are put to the test
She thinks maybe it's all been put to rest.

Mom doesn't know how  to filter
Her jokes taunting
With the ***** looks and "don't **** yourself"s
It's really no wonder why
She's afraid of the time.

So now she has a bad day
Breaks down for a moment

No hugs or "better luck next time"

Shipped off again like a package you didn't want

Is this how you treat your only daughter?
Mar 2014 · 454
The Flake -(9/13/13)
It's 1 in the morning
And I can't sleep
Because I'm finally realizing
You never cared about me

You used me
Just like everyone else
I'm everyone's best friend
Only when convenient for them

You're bailing and flaking
Not seeing me crying and shaking
I don't know what I did
But I'm ******* tired of it.

I'm sick of never going anywhere
Because I'm stuck being
A footstool and doormat
Hardwood, and carpet.

I'm your couches and chairs.
You take what you want
Then leave me there
Call me crazy, but how is that fair?
It seems to have gone from
a beautiful life
to a beautiful lie
And I don't know how
And I don't know why
But I know that it's all my fault
Because now I'm a grown-up
Now my opinion is one that might matter
I keep climbing and climbing
Then throw myself off the ladder
I don't want to wake up
But I don't want to dream
I want some color
I want to bleed.
The day the rumors of my secret touched your ears,
They ripped apart everything you knew.
How could there have been so much pain
Hidden behind crinkled eyes and a metal-mouthed smile?
So much pain that my own flesh and blood had no clue.
Yet all I did was comfort you.
Daddy's chin wobbled as he told me
How scared he was because he couldn't save me.
Tears ran down his face
While he crushed my lungs and cracked my spine
And I feel like dying because
You're not supposed to see your dad cry.
Momma's cheeks were wet when she told me of her insecurities
And how she saw herself in me
And she sobbed because she thought it was all her fault.
I traced my body's lines
Because you're not supposed to see your mom cry.
You both came rushing in
Momma begging Daddy to wait.
I slowly lifted my sleeve
You both began to weep
Momma whipped questions around
Without bothering to wait for an answer
Daddy stayed quiet, not knowing what to do.
I was trying to force my chest to breathe as I looked at you two.
I felt my blood like cubes of ice
Because you're not supposed to see your parents cry.
I let you hold my hand
I let you squeeze my head to your chests.
And I'm so sorry I let you down
I'm sorry I lied when I said I'm alright
Because I know for a fact
You're not supposed to see your mom cry.
Mar 2014 · 286
Remember Me -(7/31/13)
I promise to stay alive
If you promise not to forget me when I die.
And I'll be sure to follow my heart
If you keep these memories from falling apart
I know I'll turn to dust
It'll be my time soon enough
I know I don't deserve smooth sailing
But does it have to be so rough?
I don't want to be just a number
I want my face to be remembered
I want my name in the history books
I want people to know how my handwriting looks
I want a feast day
A parade
Something to celebrate
I want my name in lights
Banners hung high
Images preserving my life

You know?
All that would be nice
But something smaller will suffice.
If I could just get a promise from you
To never forget me, that'll do.
Mar 2014 · 749
Where is God? -(2/22/13)
Where is God in the killing of the innocent?
Where is He among the depression and addiction?
Where is He in the dark?
Where is He in the evil?
What about the selfishness and greed?
Where is He?

He's in the sunset and the rain.
He's in the comfort through the pain.
He's in this life and the next.
He's in your life and the rest.

Where is God is the hatred and abandonment?
Where is He in the bodies in the basement?
Where is He in the blood?
Where is He in the filth and the mud?
The destruction, the hurricanes, the crime?
Where's He been all this time?

He's in the grassy hills and plains.
He's in the moss and the sugar cane.
He's in your favorite song or dream.
He's in the smoothest ice cream.
He never left.
Mar 2014 · 1.3k
How do you know? -(2/6/13)
How do we really know
That we are good people?
How do we know
If God is smiling?
Is He really there?
Or are we just alone;
Out on our own?
Is it debatable or fact?
Or a debatable fact?
Or is this all just to give Him a good laugh?
How can anyone be so sure?
We are so imperfect
Who are we to be confident?
Are we really that self-important?
What if everything's backwards
And we're all hanging in the balance
Upside down, faces cherried
Cuffed by the toes
Left with no hope.

What if you're wrong?
Mar 2014 · 313
Here's to Us -(2/1/13)
Living to love and loving to live
Are complete different entities.
I cannot explain how different they are
Without showing you every scar.
Things are so different up in my head.
Grateful for the days I don't get out of bed
So here's to the kids who live to love
But are so ******* ready to just give up
I'm right with you, so I have no advice
Don't think you're the only one suffering
You have an entire family
But here's to the kids who hate to live
Life is crazy, I know I know
But death is forever, so please don't let go.
Live in the now, don't forget the past
Listen to your heart
Because now doesn't last
Soon, tomorrow will be today
And you won't know what to say
So live to love and soon enough
Every day you get, you will love to live.
Mar 2014 · 274
Light and Dark -(10/3/13)
How is it that in the midst of so much light
I can feel engulfed in dark and shadow?
It's almost like things are lightest
Just before the dark
This isn't how the world is supposed to work.
Am I just destined to live backwards?
When my world crumbles,
Am I supposed to crack with it?
It seems as though my only choice
Is to hang amidst the burning house.
I'm not supposed to get out.
And I'm supposed to be unafraid.
There won't be an exit.
There won't be a man in a cape.
No clean air to breath.
No relief.
Only the tightening of my lungs
And the disintegration of my heart
Left to rot
And to be forgot
I'm nothing to this world.
My existence is simply to take up space
And make everyone's day.
I smile
No one smiles back.
Am I already dead?
A ghost among you?
No one listens when I speak.
No one seems to see what I can see.
I hate this cycle I've been thrown into.
I don't know if this is a dream or real.
I just know that I don't want to feel.
Mar 2014 · 832
Holly- (9/22/13)
Please don't lose yourself in his head
I know you love him
I love him too
But we are not crutches.
You can't keep this inside
You'll crumble from the inside out
You need to take time to breathe
Take a step so you can really see
If your mouth works,
You have an obligation to speak for what's right.
If you have a chance to keep him alive
You take it
You hear?
You take it!
Until then
Don't let yourself drown in it.
Oh, and Holly?
Remember to love you too
Like I love you.
Mar 2014 · 552
Clara- (9/22/13)
Tell me what to do.
All I ever wanted
was to help you.
I don't know what's wrong
But I'm writing you this song.
I know you want help.
So I'm here to help

I know that you're scared.
I know that you're worth it.
We met in the dark
I found a light
You put a pillow on your eyes.
You have to believe:
It'll be ok
But I can't go back to the dark.

I'm at the edge for you
I can't give my love to
Someone who spits on it and hands it back
I still love you

What happened to summer of 2012
Don't you know to make new friends
But keep the old
Next page