cause every night you know I lay awake,
don't you?
and every night I need an escape.
it's true.
and every night it's hard to take.
but
it's just another pill to swallow.
and I
wake up next to empty bottles.
i miss you.
i don't ever know if I'll ever see tomorrow

so I

take one for the team
and I
lay awake and watch you dream
cause girl I love you laying next to me.
push the hair out your face;
I'll never get tired of your make up on my pillowcase.
me & you together
it's a forever thing

I ******* miss you.
There. I said it.
I hope you're happy to know,
if you came back,
I'd pick things right up where you left it.

I love you.

And sometimes I wish I didn't.

Because waking up without you isn't the same.
Am I really sleeping if I'm screaming your name?
You're in all my dreams,
And I'm scared to fall asleep.
I don't wanna see you if I can't ever hold you again.

The last time I saw you,
You were out with your friends.
You completely ignored me.
It hurt all over again.
My bones rattled,
And my heart sighed..
When you walked away,
I died inside.

You left and didn't even take a glance back.
But I always check my mirrors when I'm driving.
Sometimes I see you behind me,
And I'll stomp the breaks.
Only to look up to see your face.
But then it vanishes,
Just like you did.

Kick me in the chest,
It'd probably hurt a lot less.
Punch me until your knuckles bleed,
I'd still kiss your scars.
Yell at me until your voice shakes,
And then yell some more.
Do your worst,
And I'll still give you nothing but my best.

Because the last time that I checked,
*It wasn't you laying on the bathroom floor at 4am.
It wasn't you crying every night into the same pillow.
It wasn't you lying to your friends saying your fine.
It wasn't you using every 11:11 wish to be good enough.
It wasn't you wishing some nights would never end.
But it was you that said you'd be there just to leave again.

If it's her and not me, go.
Please go.
Don't make this any harder.
My heart has been through tornados and tsunamis,
But nothing could prepare it for this.
For you leaving.
For this heartache.
For you choosing her over me.
Over
And over.
Again
And again.

If it's her and not me, leave.  
Take your bags and walk out the door.
But don't you dare look back,
You've left me before.
Without a doubt in your mind,
And I was a fool to let you back into my heart.
This time was the last time.
This is your choice.
You chose.  
It's her.
Not me.
So go.

I mentioned her name,
and my bones rattle;
another piece of my heart falls to the floor.

*I remember when I could say your name without falling apart.

you say you
wish to protect me
from the wolves
circling
around me,

but your words
are the things
that bite
like a canine's teeth.

so let me lie
with the wolves,
and let their fur
protect me
from the chill
of your heart.