I want the noise to stop
The beeping
The rollercoaster
The constant
Raising and lowering

I desire the still
A slopeless line
The mundane to some
Would be an unbelievable fortune
A dream that I would be
Unable to pinch myself awake from
Because it would never be realized

I crave the quiet
Ubiquitous sleep
Of the unbothered

Sometimes being alive
Feels like too much work

"None of us escape this life unscathed"
You told me and I felt
My insides wilt, then cave

"We all break and rust"
But within my Judas body
Was where I laid my trust

I apologize for my emotional density
I often worry you don't have time for me
I sit and cry and you watch me, scared
Not sure what to say, rushed, unprepared

Life pains the most in first person
The narrowing narrative of perspective
Viewing through the peep hole of the self
Nothing is more personal
Nothing as dense
None could compare

What a fleetingly beautiful thing
I am
My own body
The way it curves and is hard
In some places
And soft in others
And I look at it
As if I could control that
As if I should try

I think on myself
Touch my skin
And wonder
What is this beautiful
And transient thing?

Talking to you
Sometimes
Is like screaming
To the wind
Touching mist
In one ear
Past a space
Out the other

I try to speak
Nothing sticks
I am mute
So it seems
Why is this?

I have found
Little things
Poems I wrote
Years ago
Where I found
The same thing

I cry out
To you dear
What response
Do I hear?

My skeleton is a liar

The soul I possess
Is the true structure
Holding me up,
Making me stand

My spine
Is not my true backbone

As I've seen my body fail
Crash and burn
Dumpster fire
That hyperventilating
Mass in the corner
Out of order
In need of service

My soul shines through
Those smoke filled skies
And jagged rocks